Tuesday, January 20, 2015

The Guiltiest Miner

A simple truth about EVE: You never know how someone is going to react to something. For example, consider the suicide gank of Devils ChewToy's yield-fit Mackinaw. He could react by apologizing for his violation of the Code and buying a permit. Or he could get angry and shift the blame onto the gankers. Both are possibilities. Can you guess which route Devils ChewToy decided to take?

Devils revealed himself to be a member of the Goofus camp. Agents loyalanon and John E Normus had their work cut out for them if they wanted to get a mining permit out of this fellow. And they did want to.

The miner was a gaffe machine. Without thinking, he accused our Agents of having a bad killboard. He didn't realize he was speaking to the #1 PvP'er in all EVE, according to zKillboard. What were the chances?

Carebears can be so strange. On the one hand, they demand 100% safety and a style of gameplay so lacking in skill that it's virtually automated. On the other hand, they accuse others of possessing insufficient skill and taking too few risks. It's the same mentality that leads the theme park crowd to say highsec ganking/awoxing/bumping/etc. lacks risk, while they simultaneously believe highsec PvE is too risky.

Despite being defeated in battle, Devils just wouldn't give our Agents any credit. He began to rant. Carebear rage level was approaching critical...

Well, that escalated quickly. The miner added himself to the surprisingly long list of highsec carebears who have expressed a desire to hurt gankers' family members. But loyalanon is practically a therapist. He knew how to manage the situation. He offered the miner the chance to clarify that he didn't really mean to make a real-life death threat:

For people who mine all day, highsec miners aren't very good at digging themselves out of a hole.

Instead of buying a mining permit, Devils ChewToy confessed to committing real-life war crimes. What a poor decision. Didn't he realize the permits only cost 10 million isk?

While Devils was busy equating the loss of his fail-fit Mackinaw to the murder of random children, Agent John E Normus chose to step in. He had some doubts about the miner's honesty.

loyalanon pointed out that both Agents were members of an army themselves. Devils thought the comparison ridiculous: The New Order isn't a real army; it only shoots internet spaceships. Only when miners get ganked do the real-life comparisons make sense.

John E Normus was skeptical of Devils' child-killing stories. John has seen enough highsec miners falsely claiming military service as a bizarre way of excusing Code violations. Devils maintained his guilt.

After asking a few follow-up questions, loyalanon reached his own conclusion:

The fact was, regardless of whether the miner committed war crimes and murdered children, he was still guilty of violating the Code by mining without a permit in highsec. Case closed.

Devils ChewToy refused to buy a permit. He predicted the New Order would fall one day, just as Rome did. Although it's true that the Roman empire eventually fell, that's such a pessimistic way of looking at it. The empire only fell after a thousand years; why not focus on the good times? If the New Order rules over highsec for a thousand years, that's not too shabby.


  1. wow, that is one messed up miner.

    Protip for youre carebears: It's a game!!

    The Code, winning in perpetuity!!

    1. correction: youre = you

    2. Yups, more space whores to gang bang ;)

  2. This article is reminisant is another buffoon that believed he was the head of a government that would last 1000 years...he was arrogant too, just like jamie...

    1. Thanks! That filled up my Miner Bingo card for today!

    2. I linked this article on FB and anon@8:12's comment is the one that shows up in FB's summary text. lol...

  3. The Code of its time
    Rome civilized its miners
    For one thousand years

    Rome's heirs have improved
    As long as EvE's servers run
    We'll bring peace through strength

  4. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

  5. The difference between Rome and the CODE. is that Rome could be sacked. What can the barbarians do to CODE? Destroy our sovereignties? Like many other highly successful alliances, we have none. Destroy our ships? Not as fast as we destroy them ourselves ganking, and not as efficiently either. The miners need to understand: CODE. always wins because it is very nearly impossible for CODE. not to win. That is the game you are playing. Our game. The only way you can effectively compete with us is by adopting the Code of Conduct as a guide to your actions...at which point the CODE. wins, and do please remember to send in your 10M ISK for your mining permit.

    1. Another key difference is that the late Romans were frequently guilty of excessive mining.

      I would not be surprised if future historians discover that the true reason for the sack of Rome was that, during the battle with the Visigoths, the legions were AFK or alt-tabbed.

  6. "The empire only fell after a thousand years; why not focus on the good times?"

    I predict Beers Veldspar will use this to foretell his inevitable victory in 997 years.

  7. I hope we get to hear Veers and the fake Veers defend this guy.

  8. Cute, space whores with their pimp James again ;)

  9. I came home from work today and my son greeted me with "I fought CODE today!"

    "You're playing EVE?" We are proud members of CODE but haven't played EVE in a while. I've been busy with college, but my son had the day off.

    "No, I was playing Star Trek Online!"


    My son went on to explain how he was mining dilithium near Deep Space 9 when a chance to PVP showed up, a massive fleet of Intrepid class ships all named CODE1, CODE2, etc.

    Of the members of his fleet his ship was the sole survivor. I told him he'd better get a mining permit or next time he might not be so lucky.

    All I can say is, you guys are too awesome!

    Long Live James 315! Savior of HighSec and Star Trek Online!

  10. Also I told him next time to get screen shots...

    Fly Dangerous!

    - Xan

  11. As a person who plays star trek online i find the above quite unlikely.
    #1, While mining dilithium, you dont see pvp, and thus wouldent know "a massive fleet" would show up.
    #2, Even if a massive fleet would show up, they cant stop you from mining or force you into combat.
    #3, It dosent matter if he was the sole survivor or not, as you dont loose your ship from pvp fights, at worse you take a bit of damage and its repaired in minutes. Star Trek Online is not anything like eve, you dont wake up in a pod.
    #4, If CODE would show up in star trek online and try to cause grief like in eve online, they would get banned so fast their heads would spin. Stuff like that simply isint allowed.

    Good try, but james isint in star trek online, and since he cant grief he would never play it. Its a game for far more mature players then the typical eve player.

    Doubt me,
    Sign up and come play,
    I fly by the handle of Fleet Admiral Megan Larson.

    1. >far more mature players


    2. http://www.arcgames.com/en/games/star-trek-online/news/detail/9065123-star-trek-online-5-year-anniversary-infographic

      Star trek online vrs Eve Online, lets see how the differences stack up.

      Star Trek Online= 3.8 million active accounts
      Eve online= 400,000 tops
      Point to Star Trek Online

      Star Trek Online= 25 different playable races
      Eve Online= 4 playable races
      Point to Star Trek Online

      Star Trek Online= 88,480 player created missions.
      Eve Online= 0 player created missions.
      Point to Star Trek Online.

      Star Trek Online= 25,040 active fleets
      Eve Online= thousands of inactive or 1 person corporations.
      Point Star Trek online.

      Star Trek Online= 421 different ships all player owned
      Eve Online= about 200 ships?
      Point Star Trek Online.

      Star Trek Online= Walk in stations without lag/ disconnect
      Eve Online= Still Trying
      Point Star Trek Online

      Star Trek Online= Walk on planets, Large maps
      Eve Online= Creates Dust 514, Massive failure in less then a year.
      Point Star Trek Online.

      Star Trek Online= 11 Actor voice overs from tv and movie stars.
      Eve Online= 1 animated aurora voice
      Point Star Trek Online.

      In conclusion=
      Star Trek Online= Does all this in 5 years time.
      Eve Online= Over a decade old and still hasent done half of what Star Trek Online has done.
      Point and End Game= Star Trek Online, Clear winner.

    3. That's adorable, StarTrekAnon. I'm glad you like playing Care Bear Online. I'm wondering why you comment about it here though, or why you think anyone is likely to care.

    4. Where on the list does it include "Non-consensual Player Vs. Player Combat?" I don't see it.

  12. I am very proud to be among the many brave, selfless souls to set a firm foundation for the next 997 or so years of New Order rule in highsec. But unlike Rome, which is said to be founded by 2 brothers Romulus and Remus, we only needed James 315.

    1. Also one of the many who where banned :)
      Poor Erotica....are you still crying about being banned?

    2. Ugh, carebears are disgusting. For how often you bitch and whine about how ganking is bullying (or real-life harassment, or torture, or James knows what else), you do try pretty hard to inflict real emotional distress on our noble Agents. Thankfully we know better than to let the noises a carebear makes bother us.

    3. There will be many Agents of the Code that someday will be unable to serve the Code due to age, just as the the Roman Empire had entire generations of soldiers live, grow old and die within the Empire.

      The good news is, that even as New Order Agents' bodies age, we can still continue to serve the Code, as being an Agent of the New Order requires only being at our keyboards, which is something we can do well into our old age. As opposed to the Roman Phalanxes whose members were unable to serve soon after they turned 45 or so.

      The New Order will never run out of Agents to serve, because for every Agent that dies or gets banned, a thousand shall spring up in their place, and surely, the influence of the New Order is greater than it was when we started.

  13. The only thing more full of shit than CODE and this blog is a blue whale's constipated colon.

    1. Calm down, miner

    2. You clown have to be smoking some weird stuff...

  14. "For people who mine all day, highsec miners aren't very good at digging themselves out of a hole."

    O' Supreme Protector, that one really, really got me... I had to stop reading and come down here just to say that I'm still in a fit of uncontrollable giggles. That's my 315 wit right there.

    -Galaxy Pig

    1. Same here, that Little sentence made my day.


  15. Oh look.
    Another lying REMF or civilian punching bag for me to play with.
    *makes note of miners name*
    Mike Adoulin


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