Wednesday, January 28, 2015

The Butterfly Effect, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... A series of chance encounters led to the destruction of stephen Kalkoken's Retriever. Agents Tisiphone Dira and loyalanon quickly convened an emergency summit with the miner to discuss the matter. In the face of overwhelming evidence, stephen strenuously maintained his innocence.

Our Agents were baffled by the miner's refusal to admit his guilt. stephen claimed to be totally Code-compliant, but he refused to buy a permit all the same.

As the emergency summit wore on, stephen became increasingly incoherent. He dropped random words into his sentences, apparently without any regard for their actual meanings.

Finally, stephen came back to the "I'm not new but I'm like a new player" defense. Agent Chocolate Mooses was called into the convo for assistance. Our Agents hoped that Chocolate's credibility and gravitas would give stephen an extra push toward the Code.

Yet stephen remained as stubborn as ever. Time was running out for the miner.

Despite all the hardships they'd endured during the convo, our Agents had hope. Chocolate Mooses lived up to his reputation.

A stray F-bomb made our Agents realize that stephen hadn't cursed for a while. The miner had indeed calmed down.

At last, stephen apologized for his conduct. He even admitted that he was incoherent. However, the miner was still hopelessly confused. Since when is "won't buy a mining permit" part of someone's nature? stephen wouldn't obey the Code because he was born that way?

stephen accepted his fate as a natural-born bot-aspirant. He knew it was the wrong path, but he couldn't depart from it. How depressing.

Then something truly unexpected occurred: In a shocking twist, stephen expressed an interest in joining the New Order. Or did he? The miner was still difficult to understand.

Incredibly, he confirmed that he had plans to become an Agent of CODE. Bizarrely, he felt that buying a mining permit would prevent him from doing so.

stephen had some warped ideas about the way the New Order works. And the image he had of himself was probably not very accurate.

Unwilling to buy a permit, there was nowhere left for the miner to go. He refused to speak further with the "lower ranking" members of the New Order. Instead, he would prove himself worthy of joining CODEdot by winning the wardec. Would stephen succeed in his new mission to become highsec's finest Agent? Or would his failures cause him to fully unleash his inner Goofus?

To be continued...


  1. oh my god when will it end?

    1. find out tomorrow, same bat time!, same bat channel!

  2. "He dropped random words into his sentences, apparently without any regard for their actual meanings."

    Alright. You're supposed to tease me through an article, not make me lose it right at the start!

    PS: Ming, bro, thanks for the backup on TMC earlier today. That dude's got an *advanced* case of Carebearitis. :D

    1. It was my pleasure, 260x. I do believe that after our conversation, the carebear in question was undeniably moved toward the true objective of the New Order, and gained at least a glimmer of understanding toward what it means to follow The Code; he at least said that he understood that hauling a freighter across Highsec without a New Order Permit is one of the least fun activities in this game, and that his time in EVE could be better spent on better activites, with at least one of those activities enforcing the New Halaima Code of Conduct. Even if we did not gain an Agent today, I am sure we liberated at least one carebear from the drudgery of freighter hauling. Praise the Saviour.

    2. Mhmm. I think toward the end he was beginning to see the futility of defending his position.

    3. Aaand he's back. He's left 15 replies this morning to just about every post in the thread. He's going the distance.

  3. Ok, I've read every article published on this site and I do believe that's the first time I've seen "I'm not buying a permit because I might want to join CODE. some time in the future".

    That's gotta be, like, the insta-win square on the bingo card.

  4. yea u need more monkeys for your zoo

  5. just more stupid griefing. grow up.

    1. Miner, calm down.

      So does this mean that all along I've had the rank of "BITCH" because I bought a permit? Huzzah! Better to be James 315's bitch than a king among carebears!

    2. Veers, stop this RL harassment now. It's illegal and immoral.

    3. Funny how when someone from new order is hurt its harassment, but when its a miner its emergent gameplay?


    4. If only a Code agent would just get kicked in the face while outside of the game and was asked if he had a permit i would be soooo happy

    5. Good luck with that, it's hard enough to get carebears to fight back IN game...


    6. Getting real tired of your shit, fake Veers.

      If that had been me, I would have gone on for at least a couple of sentences about how engaging in PVP is real-life torture and harassment, how I support ganking but only when done for profit (since profit is the only valid motivation for anything), and how I'm "winning" and Code "isn't on my level" because I mine red crosses semi-AFK for 10 hours at a stretch while Code spends their time socializing and PVPing...activities which aren't even about making money!

      Lucky for you idiots, it's easy to tell when a post is made by fake-Veers. If it's not 100% about how grinding isk while AFK is the only morally noble goal in the game, it's fake.

  6. 'Stephen Kalkoken > 4 days in i was ganked.'

    'Chocolate Mooses > Welcome back!'

    That right there. That made me smile.

  7. multi part stories give me the spiciest of boners :) :) :)

  8. more fake conflict. It must take hours for James to dream this stuff up.

  9. i was just wondering how and why a group of random individuals can engender such real life hatred and vitriol from another bunch of random individuals in a video game ?
    and why would you want to continue to encourage it when you receive it ?

    are you lot simply dysfunctional? (and i do mean all of you ) or is it just for the hell of it ?

    1. @Anon4:51
      We are not dysfunctional, and we do not invite or seek to incite such vitriol from these individuals, whom we mockingly call "carebears." What we do is merely reveal their true nature, as unrefined, profanity spewing savages, and then seek to reform them from the poor quality individuals that they truly are into better, more balanced people. Our goal is to reform no less than 100% of the highsec population of EVE Online, a goal, which we call 100% Code-Compliance.

      We do this through the New Halaima Code of Conduct, which you can find a link to on this page. Peruse through it, and if you feel the same way as we do, then purchase a permit, and help the New Order achieve final, lasting victory.

      We also like poetry, well formulated posts, and being polite.

    2. it would appear you mock them at every turn.
      you also inflict cyber violence upon them which it seems they do not appreciate at all.
      it seems to me that inflicting violence upon an individual and then telling them it was for their own good is both insulting and flawed.
      the only thing violence ever achieved was reciprocal violence, hatred, and as you would put it "non-compliance".
      how do you achieve balance by creating chaos?
      how do you bring calm through violence ?
      and why do you assume that non code members or "carebears " are either savage or unrefined ? i myself am neither a "carebear" nor am i a code member and i consider myself neither savage nor unrefined .

    3. How do I put this...

      EVE Online is a game that people play voluntarily.

      Let's say, for example, we play Chess, and I take one of your pieces, without consequence, either because you left it undefended or I tricked you into leaving it undefended.

      Sure, it might be bad sportsmanship for me to laugh at you and call you "stupid" because of your mistake. (Which, by the way, I would never do.) People make mistakes in games. It happens. But I also think that you can't argue that it would not be bad sportsmanship for you to then get angry at me and flip the table over.

      That would be considered "bad" sportsmanship. By anyone. Depending what was said, and if it was said online, it might even rise to your definition of "cyber violence."

      The point of this is, the reason that you lost that piece was not due to "violence.." it was due to your own negligence or lack of foresight. Alternatively, it could be simply that I forced you into a situation that you could not win. Either way, it was ->your fault.<- And you paid for it.

      EVE Online is a game not unlike Chess.
      When you play Chess, you consent to the taking of your pieces. In EVE, you consent to the destruction of your spaceships when you undock them. In either game, if you vocally or forcefully protest these actions, it is considered "bad sportsmanship," and it is accepted commonly that you are a low-quality player, and need to "get better" in order to do better.

      At this point, you can either be educated to be a better player, or you can quit and stop playing the game.

      After I win a game of chess against someone, I will usually discuss the game with the other player and offer commentary on what went right and wrong with the game- and offer tips on becoming a better player. I don't want them to quit the game; I want to see them get bettter.

      In EVE, CODE. Agents also perform such a "post-game" rundown of the ups and downs of an encounter, and what that player can do to get better. Most of the "errors" miners make come from violations of The Code, strategic blunders made most of the time by carebears. Our advice? Ususally to follow The Code and obtain a mining permit, as it is written in the New Halaima Code of Conduct.

      If someone wants to keep playing me at chess, and keep trying the same failed strategy over and over, I won't stop playing them; I'll keep beating them, over and over, until they understand what they are doing isn't working, and they try a new strategy. Eventually, they will get better. In Chess, the winning strategy is hard to forumlate, but in EVE, it's simple. In EVE, for mining in highsec, the winning strategy is to follow the New Halaima Code of Conduct and buy a New Order Mining Permit. Or maybe not to mine, because highsec mining is the most boring thing you can do in EVE, and that you can find more fulfillment and excitement by doing literally anything else.

      Either way, we will continue playing our game with people who choose to mine in James 315's belts, and offering our good fights, and continuing to educate those who are upset by our victories, and eventually we hope to make every player Code-Compliant, which is a different name for "Good at EVE."

    4. LOL...cyber violence...I lol'ed so hard. You, sir, are playing the wrong game. If you're in the mood for Mexican food, you don't go to the Italian restaurant and ask for a burrito..then complain they don't serve it and expect them to serve you because you are a "paying customer" Take Eve for what it is...or play something else. If you choose to be weak and helpless, you will remain at the bottom of the food chain and forever be fodder for those who understand what it's all about. It's up to you..HTFU or's really that simple :)

  10. Absolutely riveting stuff here! I'm on the edge of my seat. Can this (dare I say it) man be brought towards the light, or will he forever slip away into the darkness of highsec ignorance? Stay tuned!

  11. I predict that the elusive Goofus Maximus will be sighted in the next chapter.

    1. Doubtful, james mostly just writes up stories nowadays. Rare he undocks to get involved in things like this. Wont be any sightings of Goofus Maximus a.k.a. James any time soon.

    2. Don't be so sure...James is around far more than you think. He could be docked in your station at this very moment. :P

  12. The gallant miner embraces PvP.

    The purchase of a permit avoids PvP.

    Therefore it is gallant to not purchase a permit.

  13. There's a certain chutzpah to the accusation of bigotry from someone who wrote "fucking code jews", etc.


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