Wednesday, January 7, 2015

The Trial of John Predaetor, Part 1

The opponents of the New Order have accused us of all manner of terrible crimes: Tyranny, extortion, bullying, not following our own Code, etc. Yet every independent investigation into our Agents has only reinforced the obvious truth: Our Agents enforce the Code and they do it well. They do it with honour. I welcome these kinds of examinations, because the people of highsec have got to know whether or not their government is run by crooks.

One fine day in Gelhan, a Venture pilot named John Predaetor was mining Pyroxeres. Like most Venture pilots, he was a new player; he'd only been in EVE for about three and a half years. As for the rest of this story, there was good news and bad news. The bad news? John went AFK. The good news? His Venture was destroyed.


Agent Kalorned's alt did the killing, and so John opened up a convo. He insisted he was innocent. Taking pity on the miner, Kalorned offered him an extraordinarily generous plea deal. All John had to do was admit he was AFK and pay 1 million isk. In exchange, he would get full reimbursement and a New Order permit worth 10 million isk.

As they say, a carebear who acts as his own lawyer has a bot-aspirant for a client. John turned down the plea deal and the matter went to trial.


Agent Kalorned forwarded the matter to Agent Quaker Oatmeal, an impartial third party who would serve as judge.


The trial was tense from the moment it began. Instead of simply saying, "not guilty", John chose to be theatrical.


From John's perspective, a plea deal--no matter how attractive--was an admission of guilt. He wouldn't confess to a crime he didn't commit. John really could've used a space lawyer here. (Years ago, perhaps he could have hired notorious miner defense lawyer Babatunde B Babatunde. However, Babatunde has since become an Agent of the New Order.)


There was a clear fact issue in dispute. Kalorned said the miner failed to respond to his greeting in local, and was therefore AFK. John said he responded before being killed. Whom was Quaker Oatmeal to believe?


The New Order isn't about bias and power politics. We believe in fairness and justice for all. The trial, therefore, would be decided by facts and evidence.


This time, the facts were on the Agent's side. A comparison of the chat timestamp and the killmail confirmed that John didn't respond to Kalorned's greeting until after being destroyed. John further damaged his case by making a contradictory claim: Did he respond prior to the explosion or simultaneously with it? Both!


Then John came up with a new defense. He argued that he was at his keyboard the entire time, but that he was delayed in responding to Kalorned's greeting because he was drinking something. At the very moment John's screen was obscured by a cup of something he was "chugging", Kalorned asked him to speak in local. It was a terrible coincidence.


Protip: Don't drink and mine.


From John's point of view, it was simple geometry.

Bonus protip: Get a straw.


Was the whole "drinking" excuse based in reality, or was it another carebear lie? A governing authority with less moral legitimacy might hit the carebear with the "guilty" stamp and call it a day. But this is the New Order. We're the real thing. The trial was about facts and evidence. The evidence was presented.


And it was shocking. Was the case against John Predaetor about to be blown wide open?

To be continued...

61 comments:

  1. It's clear from his slippery excuses that John attended one of the finest space law schools in highsec. Will this hotshot lawyer outsmart the New Order district attorney? Could this spell the end of the New Order?! For the exciting conclusion, tune in next time!

    ReplyDelete
  2. The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hmm I think there is enough reasonable doubt as to his guilt of being AFK, if he had a permit I would say he is innocent. He was close enough to the mark to make this case genuinely. However his lack of permit in the first place means he is rightly brought to justice on those grounds alone.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Having had the opportunity to buy a permit for the last several years, every carebear without one in their bio is already guilty no matter what else they've done. Good catch.

      Delete
    2. Despite what you arrogant code monkeys believe my bio is not there for your use or what you want displayed, it is there for my use and what I want to display...besides that the code is illegal and supports piracy...

      Delete
    3. Incorrect. If you're in high sec- your life, your soul, your bio....all belong to James 315.
      Obey the code, or die in a hail of anti-matter. It really is just that simple.

      Delete
    4. Nobody from CODE. has ever claimed that your bio was not there for your own use or what you wanted to display. Your bio is yours and nobody from CODE. is allowed to alter it under the EULA without your consent.

      What The Code DOES say is that if your bio does not voluntarily contain a New Order Mining Permit and pledge of support for the New Order, you will be at increased risk of bumping and/or being ganked, and that you, by virtue of this decree, gladly and willfully accept all the consequences that result.

      Delete
    5. no they don't...that buffoon james' position is a joke, the code is a lie and the new order is a pirate organization, all Highsec citizens are free and not bound by jamies deception and arrogant concepts...

      Delete
    6. Wow, you're really trying hard to make "buffoon" happen, arentcha?

      Thank you for reading Minerbumping. It's people like you that keep the New Order in business with your continued faithful readership and comments! Without supporters such as yourself that believe that the New Order of Highsec is a real thing, it is likely that we Agents would have stopped believing it as well. But people like you give us the strength to go on and fight one more day. And we thank you for your support of James 315 and his continuing mission to enforce the New Halaima Code of Conduct throughout all of Highsec.

      Delete
  4. Personally, I love a good courtroom drama. Glued to my seat here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me too; gripping stuff and guffaws a-plenty!

      Delete
  5. The rights should be sold for this. I can totally see this made into an episode of CSI-EvE.

    I lol'd at this: "Like most Venture pilots, he was a new player; he'd only been in EVE for about three and a half years. "

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. >Sir this miner was mining illegally and refused to buy a permit

      >Well I guess you could say his mine....*puts on sunglasses*.... was made up

      YEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHH

      Delete
  6. Advocating for the Defendant:
    Indeed, this defendant DID have a cup, as the picture clearly proves. Whether or not there was a drink in that cup is a matter of dispute, as is the question of whether or not he was drinking at the time of the gank. But a preponderance of the evidence is favor of the fact that Miner John Preadator did indeed have cup at the time he was ganked.

    However, cups are not what an Agent of the New Order requires of Highsec miners on routine enforcement inspections. In fact, a thorough reading of the Code makes exactly zero (0) references to cups, or the legal implications of cup possession. What the Code does make clear, however, is what the Defendant should have possessed in order to make his case more palatable; and that would have been a New Order Mining Permit. (Which Agent Kalorned, for some reason, saw fit to offer Miner John Preadator at an exorbitantly reduced rate, and which the defendant John Preadator did not see fit to immediately avail himself of.)

    Unfortunately, even as an advocate for the miner, I can see no legal way that Judge Oatmeal could possibly offer this miner leniency. But, as I am not deciding this case, I will await Judge Oatmeal's verdict.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I guess we'll just have to see what happens in the next exciting parts of "The Trial of John Praedator"!

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Dammit, beat me to the Denny Crane.

      Delete
  8. Maybe it's just me, but I can drink and see the screen at the same time. Pro tip - bring the cup to your mouth and tilt. I don't have to look up to drink/eat. I'm not a seal or penguin. Is this John a new breed of miner?

    ReplyDelete
  9. Oh, I saw Code. RP at Charlie Hebdos today.
    Please tell that police you just played a game...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. this is what carebears actually believe

      Delete
    2. Politicizing an act of terrorism for electoral gain is one thing. That's what POS politicians do. But politicizing a terrorist attack to score some cheap points against your 'enemy' in an internet spaceship video game is a whole different bag.

      Anon 11:35 is obviously severely mentally disturbed.

      Delete
    3. I would just say he's an idiot.

      Delete
    4. Inbred tard. Prolly fukin his mom as he typed that.

      Delete
    5. Awww, Code. being angry because I live my life as intended and enjoying it?
      Real life is harder than the retarded game you hide in :-P

      Delete
    6. ???

      You are a very confused person.

      Delete
    7. No, you who plays a retarded game are confused.
      Confused for beliving you doing something nice when all you get back is rage.

      Delete
    8. @Anon5:14

      Rage is not the emotion that Agents of the New Order are "going for" when we enforce the Code. However, we accept the fact that rage is an emotion that often comes naturally when bot-aspirants are confronted with the consequences of bot-aspirant behaviour. If it were up to us, the emotions that would be expressed would be of politeness, compliance, and eagerness to leave behind the bot-aspirant life and join a better one. However, Agents of the New Order don't get to choose the responses we get from Code enforcement; we have to deal with what we're dealt.

      Delete
    9. Same as the caricature painter you have a choice...
      And you are hunting for rage even if you try your best to hide it.

      Just watch out so you don't end up like that police did...

      Delete
    10. And... I suppose you are free to interpret my statement any way you wish. I can't prove to you that we're not out for rage, other than by calmly telling you that inducing rage is not our goal. And also and that raging at us is completely ineffective at deterring us from enforcing the Code. From our experience, carebear "rage," often manifests itself only as a small yellow box around their ship and profanity in local. vOv

      Delete
  10. Gaylord FappingtonJanuary 8, 2015 at 2:45 AM

    Can you really not differentiate between a fun spaceship game and a heartbreaking real-life act of violence? Seriously Anon 11:26? I hope you are able to find the help you need.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Can you really not differentiate between a fun spaceship game and a heartbreaking real-life act of violence?"
      I do differ but I don't thinkt it's hearbreaking...
      Life is hard and shit happens and that's what life is designed to be so...
      Better life your life than play a retarded game right?

      Delete
    2. Anon @ 6:56 AM

      I agree. Please biomass any and all eve characters you have, disconnect from the internet, and live your life somewhere nice and quiet. Try to limit your social interaction to as little as possible, trust me on this one. However, thank you for your amazing opinions on the internet - now run along.

      Delete
  11. Just RP my life, what's wrong with that?
    Who are you to play doctor and call me sick?
    Enjoy the real life with no respawns etc.
    If he felt sorry he lived his life wrong exactly as you say players do when they react to your shitty things.
    He could just payed them for a permit right?

    Don't whine, it was just some genes removed from the pool.
    Exactly as your so called leader wants it, right?

    Tell me why I'm sick for enjoying real life tears when you enjoy real life tears?

    Time to learn that every time you leave home you risk dying, that's just how life is created so enjoy.

    Enjoy real life as it should be :-P

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Do you wish to stand trial for your crimes?

      Delete
    2. Crimes?
      Only crime here is you who think you are better playing a game when I enjoy life as it should be :-P

      Delete
    3. That made sense and was a completely reasonable argument grounded in logic and reality. However, I must insist on getting an answer to that question. Let me rephrase it: "What crimes are you going to be put on trial for?"

      Delete
    4. None, don't play this retarded game. Only enjoy real life ;)

      Delete
    5. so you're bitching about people in a game you don't play,,, that's like bitching about traffic when you don't own a car.

      Delete
    6. Yes, I can bitch about them as much as I want.
      You aren't in the position to tell me how to live my life.
      So while I enjoy the real life with all danger there is you playing a retarded game and keep hunting for rage, thats really weird.
      The rage you get is a real life phenomena so how do you think your role play doesn't do anything to a person out of game?

      Still enjoying life as it should be, no respawns, violence and everything to make a good day :P

      Delete
    7. who said I play eve?

      Delete
    8. Anon 5:19 is a special kind of snowflake.

      I wish him the best. :)

      Delete
    9. There's no way you could know if I do or not :smileyface:

      Delete
    10. "Crusty JugglerJanuary 8, 2015 at 7:24 PM" True, true...

      Delete
  12. Still inbred. Still a tard. Still fukin your mom.
    I know where the bleach needs to be added to this gene pool.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So you are a necro then? I mean you like to fuck dead people...
      I live the life as it should be, not safe anywhere for anyone and you play a retarded game and call that a life? :-P

      Delete
    2. So you fuked your mom to death? You know the rest of the world hates you dirty brown third world inbreeders.

      Delete
    3. Miner, calm down. You're only making yourself and other carebears look bad by this behavior. Trying to politicize real-life death and tragedy over a *video game* was bad enough; sputtering about how you were role-playing just made it worse. But now, with the racism?

      Check yourself, miner. Before you wreck yourself.

      Delete
    4. oh look anon 11:19 is another "Good" guy. No wonder my sympathies lie with CODE

      Delete
    5. "AnonymousJanuary 8, 2015 at 11:19 AM"
      I think you did that last time :P
      Still enjoying life and not a retarded game :P

      Delete
    6. so much bile and poison in one place ...... and I thought the AG channel was bad ?????

      Delete
    7. Maria MalukkerJanuary 8, 2015 at 1:02 PM
      Not a miner and definitely not an EVE player.
      Where is tragic in that story?
      Draw painting like that and take consequences, easy like that.
      Figured out long ago that painting like that is no good.
      Just like you in Code. they hunt for rage and whine when they find it. Just to bad other humans had to put their life at risk.

      But it's still life as intended so enjoy.

      Delete
    8. *yawn*

      And we have another keyboard warrior who thinks he is being edgy, shocking, and witty - when in reality it's just all the same stuff we have heard before.

      Fallen Seal, is that you, my love? :-)

      Delete
  13. Appropriate music:
    1st - 7th picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FnmEnjWy288&index=3&list=PL5632DDBACD1D3056

    8th - 12th picture: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hf_D3pK6LVI&list=PL5632DDBACD1D3056&index=4

    Last picture: http://youtu.be/5ZC16wTh3jM?list=PL5632DDBACD1D3056

    Insert Take that!s, Hold It!s, and Objections where needed.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have no idea what happened to the formatting.

      Delete
    2. The only spoiler I will give to this saga is that Phoenix Wright fans are going to fall in love with the Code all over again!

      Delete
  14. I would like to point out that cup in the picture is full. If the defendant was chugging away on that drink then their is something very wrong, assuming he took that picture after the crime.

    I firmly believe that falsifying evidence is grounds for pulling out the red pen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Was going make same point, is it too obvious conclusion to his guilt? he wasn't drinking, but more like he went to get the drink

      Delete
    2. ----------------OBJECTION, YOUR HONOR------------------

      If the Defendant was not drinking but, "going to get the drink,"
      then, how, exactly, could he ALSO be at the keyboard mining AT THE SAME TIME??? Doesn't this contradiction strike you as somewhat.... odd?
      I would expect that the defendant would have some plausible non-Code-violating explanation as to this curious contradiction!

      Delete
    3. This piece of evidence indeed seems to contradict something... like your outward appearance of mental sanity!!!

      I'm afraid I'm going to have penalize you for this one, Ming Tso.

      Delete
  15. Anti-gankers are continually failing

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.