Saturday, January 3, 2015

Ocean's Zero, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Rebel leader JTClone Ares was just about to assist TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet and Captain Rick Tyson in their plan to steal CODEdot assets and transfer them to JTClone's alliance, The Clone Republic, when suddenly they learned the New Order had captured the Anti-Ganking channel. JTClone vowed revenge against the New Order. Per TheInternet's instructions, JTClone kept his main offline, instead using his new alts, Sexy Man and Sexy Avatar, to "keep an eye on" the trade hubs.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > the new order's crisis cell has convened
Sexy Man > keep the plan
Sexy Man > keep it hidden
Sexy Man > remember
Sexy Man > we have the time to have revenge or vengence against code
Sexy Man > best thing about eve
Sexy Man > time is always on your side
The loss of Anti-Ganking had been a terrible blow, but JTClone knew the rebellion would ultimately prevail. The Fishing Spider need only wait.
Sexy Man > code really needs to be wiped out so
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > they really do
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > this is too far
Sexy Man > people need to draw a line
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > you will have the last laugh
Sexy Man > oh
Sexy Man > I will
Sexy Man > and I wont be so nice about anything what so ever
When the time for justice came, JTClone would show no mercy to those who had wronged him. The wrath of the carebear would be something fierce.
Sexy Man > but first I need the op to succeed
Sexy Man > so I can rip code a brand new one
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > just keep your eyes peeled
Sexy Man > I am watching now
Sexy Man > getting to know my enemy even better
Sexy Man > I learned from an old friend is sometimes not saying anything at all is the wisest thing anyone can do.
Sexy Man > Let your opponent make a mockery of themselves
The architects of the heist told JTClone to continue to sit and wait for all of their spies to come online. It had been a long wait already--about ten hours. JTClone was growing sleepy. But TheInternet and Captain Rick were busy behind the scenes. Since JTClone wasn't logged into his main, he had no idea what was going on in The Clone Republic.


Let the incredible truth be known: TheInternet and Captain Rick were, in fact, deep-cover Agents of the New Order the entire time! It was a shocking twist that not even JTClone himself could have predicted.


While JTClone's main was logged out, Captain Rick went to work, bringing The Clone Republic into compliance with the Code. Instead of CODEdot being taken over by the resistance, the resistance alliance was taken over by our Agents. Instead of CODEdot surrendering to The Clone Republic for 3 billion isk (which JTClone proposed), it was the other way around.


Unfortunately, The Clone Republic was a rebel alliance, built upon a foundation of bot-aspirancy. Captain Rick had no choice but to use his director abilities to kick the old corporations out of the alliance.


Though our Agents were incredibly valiant, some of the credit had to go to JTClone. Without him, none of this would have been possible. Captain Rick awarded JTClone a medal.


Finally, JTClone Ares logged in his main and discovered the truth. The big heist wasn't going to happen after all.


JTClone sent an EVEmail to his own corporation, which was no longer a member of The Clone Republic. He ordered his corpmates to remain offline and have some family time for a few weeks--another example of how highsec carebear CEOs teach their corp members to enjoy EVE.


JTClone hadn't quite kicked Captain Rick out of the corp yet, so there was a brief power struggle. Captain Rick strongly encouraged the corp members to seek employment elsewhere.


JTClone changed the corp description in honour of the great heist.


Now it was time for JTClone to deal with the fallout. He did not become the great leader of the resistance that he'd hoped. Instead, he had to do damage control. JTClone instructed his fellow rebels to stop making real-life death threats against the New Order.
Zawaka Inazuma > JTClone Ares some code guys were talking about your alliance earlier. Whats going on?
JTClone Ares > it fell
JTClone Ares > it aint mine anymore
JTClone Ares > but dont worry
JTClone Ares > there are some people in the world that like to counter those who just want to watch the world burn
john Barviainen > how many corps have you lost to them now?
Rather than taking command of the entire carebear community, JTClone was subjected to jibes from his fellow rebels.
JTClone Ares > it was only a total of 5 corps total
john Barviainen > but is this the second or third time code awoxed you?
JTClone Ares > 2nd
john Barviainen > wow - steeep learning curve
john Barviainen > JTClone Ares can i be a director in your corp?
JTClone Ares > john Barviainen hell to the fucking no
JTClone Ares > and btw
JTClone Ares > you sound like a spy to me for asking that
Had the ordeal been, in the end, an educational experience?
john Barviainen > Whai so paranoid?
JTClone Ares > because in order to successfully awox a corp one needs to have director rights
john Barviainen > can i be a director in your new corp?
JTClone Ares > John no
john Barviainen > wai?
JTClone Ares > you want rights
JTClone Ares > you need to earn it
Maybe yes, maybe no. But as the days went by and MinerBumping began the "Ocean's Zero" series, JTClone had a lot of explaining to do. So he repeatedly returned to the Anti-Ganking channel to justify his actions.


JTClone explained that he wasn't sorry to lose his 90-member alliance, since 86 of them were typically AFK or never logged in. Even JTClone's charisma and leadership skills weren't enough to motivate them, it seems.


In what may be the most literal example of the "didn't want that alliance anyway" defense, JTClone claimed that he was already planning to disband the alliance. He had no interest in running an alliance anymore, because he was only capable of recruiting carebears, not getting them to engage in the game. (In this, he shares much in common with his fellow highsec PvE corp CEOs.)


Then JTClone announced the shocking news: The theft of his alliance was all part of his master plan the whole time! He hadn't wanted to disband the alliance himself, because then the New Order could claim victory. Instead, the Fishing Spider deliberately waited for someone from the New Order to come along and steal the alliance from him. That way the New Order... couldn't... claim... victory?


Everything had gone according to plan. It was all a massive troll! For security reasons, his loyal alliance members couldn't be told in advance, so they were under the mistaken assumption that their alliance had been destroyed. But JTClone didn't care, because he was only able to recruit inactive members, and had no future plans to do the alliance thing.


Then JTClone announced that he would once again renew his recruitment efforts.


The Clone Republic suffered the same fate as every other rebel endeavor. Though he'd lost his alliance, JTClone Ares would ride again. He went back to work, studying EVE tactics and strategies that he could share with his fellow rebels. He had failed to deliver the death blow to CODEdot that he dreamed of, yet he succeeded in adding another chapter to the legend of JTClone Ares.

We can only hope that the final chapter in that story involves JTClone putting aside his childishness and embracing the Code. Our Agents patiently await the 10 million isk he owes.

25 comments:

  1. Next week on minerbumping. Self described leader of the rebel movement Scott Bacon gets his first reader on his blog - gankingisbullying.blogspot.com

    How will this reader react to how Scott thinks! Stay tuned for more AG fails next week!

    The Code ALWAYS Wins!!!!! ALWAYS!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yay!!! Another Rebel Commander!!!

      Has he backstabbed all the other Rebel Commanders yet?

      :)

      ----------
      Mike Adoulin

      Delete
  2. To quote John Wayne... "Life is tough, but it's tougher if you're stupid."

    I wish JTClone all the best. I also hope his 2 brain cells meet and rub together and maybe breed. Don't want to keep things to easy for CODE.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He's called JTClone for a reason. There's no breeding, he just splits himself into two clones. Twice the silly, twice the lols.

      Delete
  3. Well, he was truthful in one thing: his alliance was good for nothing and any reasonable leader would have disbanded it himself.
    It's very hard to organize the AFK miners because they are ... AFK.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup. Back when I was a player there was usually around 250-300 of them in the "anti-ganking" channel and they were generally able to field a fleet of 1-4 people at best. Hard to play EVE when you are AFK mining.

      Delete
  4. JTClone Ares, Supreme Rebel Commander

    gf!

    i.imgur.com/RiJpmcm.jpg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And I just shot beer out of my nose. Between that and:

      "The loss of Anti-Ganking had been a terrible blow, but JTClone knew the rebellion would ultimately prevail. The Fishing Spider need only wait."

      this has been a epic tale! :)

      Congrats to all agents for doing what you do best - creating content and embracing the very concepts CCP prides itself on - emergent game play and the full sandbox experience!

      Delete
  5. you guys are fucking weird

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We're having the most fun, though, I assure you. Come over to our side. Cookies await you.

      Delete
  6. Its was truly entertaining and for all one can level at JTC, he is a great content provider,
    in this spirit may the pheonix rise again

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So sometimes he's the Fishing Spider, and other times he's the Phoenix.

      Delete
  7. Well, James 315's happy ending took a while to get here, but our Savior always gives us our happy ending!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Only weak minded sheeple embrace, follow or support the code...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Code always wins. Always.

      Delete
  9. You've harassed this guy repeatedly over the past couple years. You're lucky he doesn't go complaining to CCP and get your asses banned.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please join me in congratulating JTClone on the Eve Online forum:

      https://forums.eveonline.com/default.aspx?g=posts&m=5365737

      The Code always wins!

      Delete
    2. JTClone is trying to beat us in game, he's what we call a "player." He may make some incredibly bad decisions but I still pay him some respect for keeping it in game and not joining the cry bear crowd.

      Delete
    3. Nobody cares about what you think.

      Delete
    4. I care what John thinks too. Beldspar is just a big inconsiderate jerk.

      Delete
  10. I for one look forward to JT arising from this deliberate catastrophe and leading AG to ever greater success. He is truly an inspiration.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Well done CODE. another great victory.

    That JTClones loser is the worst BS artist I've seen in a while. Lies like a 6 year old. Absolutely no shame at all!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well done CODE. you even impressed Margaret Thatcher. Who gives a damn if you destroy another ten thousand rebellions, and many more are soon to come. Face the facts, you brutes. It's only a matter of time.

      Delete
    2. Jtclone, if you are reading this, I don't care for you.
      I also don't care for code. I care about myself.

      I just wanted to say, take a deep breath, step back and realise that you have been a part of events that make eve the game it is.
      It happened you this time and yes, these clowns are getting some mileage out of it, but you are not the first and you won't be the last.

      Delete

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