Wednesday, July 15, 2015

International Relations

Like most highsec systems, Kino was once little more than a graveyard in which bots and bot-aspirants silently mined their daily isk. Then the New Order came.


Agent Bing Bangboom is a legend in the Kino system. He has cultivated Kino for years, watching with pride as the system grows more and more Code-compliant. Kino has become a community. There's more local chatter in a single day under New Order rule than in all the pre-Code years combined. As with the rest of highsec outside of the trade hubs, most conversation centers around the New Order, the Code, and its Agents.
Spine Ripper > Kill: Falk Kaundur (Covetor)
Spine Ripper > Kill: Falk Kaundur (Capsule)
Spine Ripper > no permit
Spine Ripper > Kino is ON FIRE tonight!
Bing's ganker alt, Spine Ripper, announced another successful enforcement of the Code. Kino is used to seeing these broadcasts in local.


Falk Kaundur, a Russian miner, has been playing EVE for three years. Naturally, he spent his days using a mostly tech I fit Covetor in highsec. He didn't own a permit, so he was swiftly ganked and podded. In true Bing fashion, the gank was executed with such efficiency that Falk didn't manage to collect even a single unit of ore before he was killed.
Falk Kaundur > Fuck you and fuck your mom bitch i fucked your father and all your family
Falk opened up a private convo with Bing, cursed at him, and disappeared into the night. Standard miner behavior. Then life in Kino returned to normal.
Putte Lolish > come here demanding alot of stuff and not giving anything in resturn =(
Bing Bangboom > I only demand what James 315 is due as the Savior of Highsec.... and we offer so much....
Bing Bangboom > I mean, without the Code miners live such desparate lives.
Putte Lolish > whats better then mine and chill
Bing Bangboom > just about anything.
loyalanon > Miners are required to remember a mining permit in ALL James 315 territory
Bing Bangboom > the highest rated pvper in Eve
Xano Zong > niv=ce
Kino soon forgot about Falk. People chatted idly about the Code. Bing held court as the patriarch of Kino. Agent loyalanon made a brief cameo as he passed through the system. And they all lived happily ever after...

At least, that's how the story usually would have gone. But Falk didn't want to be the standard gank victim who loses his ship, sheds some tears, and goes away. Falk didn't want to be a statistic. He wanted to write his own story, to be the author of his own fate. So nearly an hour later, Falk marched back to Kino to tell Bing and everyone else in the system exactly what he thought of them.
Bing Bangboom > Welcome back, Falk Kaundur. Be sure to give Spine Ripper a GF!
Falk Kaundur > PNH asshole
Falk Kaundur > Spine Ripper licence for kill 80kk + ban for selling ISK bitch
Falk Kaundur > =))) suck my cock
Kino was in shock. Either that, or they were trying to decipher what Falk said about a ban for selling isk.
Putte Lolish > thats not nice
Lolita Lolipop > YOU can't type words like that... you need to use some * and replasements
Spine Ripper > he's a bot aspirant... they are all like that.
Falk Kaundur > it's no my problem
Falk Kaundur > go and fucked your mom
Falk Kaundur > spunk me
Kino's indigenous PvE'ers were appalled by the miner's brutish behavior. It was as if Falk had walked right out of 2011 or something.
Falk Kaundur > fucking american's
Falk Kaundur > fat pig's
Falk Kaundur > country gay's and fat shit's
Falk was no longer constrained by the polite conventions of the Code. He felt liberated. So he turned his attention to another topic, one which he normally wouldn't have felt comfortable addressing.
Falk Kaundur > Putin fucked Obama
Spine Ripper > huh?
Falk Kaundur > XD
Falk Kaundur > Obama fucking monkey
Falk Kaundur > nigger
This miner had a lot that he needed to get off his chest.
Falk Kaundur > I fuck USA
Putte Lolish > awsome atlest u geting some
Lolita Lolipop > Falk Kaundur i just got an tan. and your N word .. well i find that offending
Falk Kaundur > fuck you
Falk Kaundur > America has long been asking for a nuclear strike, and Putin will do it so close the mouths fat pigs
Although Falk had lost his Covetor and implants, he was confident that he would get the last laugh. He had powerful friends in Moscow.
Falk Kaundur > my country spits on your Russian sanctions and you did not break it because you have no brains and never will be
Falk Kaundur > has learned all Europe and America in the history of this survival at the expense of other parasites you on the face of this planet Europeans have never thought of that before something can think of Russian because you are too effeminate not for nothing
Falk Kaundur > Russian do not surrender, we will never give up better than Die something that belongs to us =))) In this we differ from you =))), but you will never understand = /
The carebear vowed revenge. Not only on Bing Bangboom, not only on the New Order, but on an entire world of enemies.
Soon-yi Kwon > Are you done Falk?
Falk Kaundur > referring to jerk merged my ship, I can say what I spit on the sink for me is not an indicator of the ability to conduct VFR for me it is an indication that the monitor sits armless schmuck with no privacy and that nothing in life can therefore live in
Soon-yi Kwon > lol I guess that's a no
Bing Bangboom > that's not even a coherent thought.
Highsec's Dostoyevsky worked toward his conclusion.
Spine Ripper > Falk, when are you going to congratulate me on a gank well done?
Spine Ripper > The Code requires it.
Falk Kaundur > Ripper ended the life of suicide do not disgrace their nation and their parents you're a loser in life shame. Now all I have finished and I wanted to shit on all of you done for Europe filth and dies behind the US, it is only a matter of time but I am h
Falk Kaundur > but I am happy to look at it =)) all good
Falk Kaundur > Well that wrote (a) will be at bedtime to watch the brain that you do not have to understand something =))))
And with a few carefully chosen parting words, Falk took his leave of Kino. Never again would Kino witness Falk Kaundur's passion. Though he has yet to enjoy his thermonuclear schadenfreude, Falk's story has a happy ending. He did what most highsec miners never manage to do: He left highsec. Falk joined a Russian renter alliance in nullsec where he feels much more at home. Another diplomatic triumph for the Code!

27 comments:

  1. "Never again would Kino witness Falk Kaundur's passion."

    You should have titled this one "The Passion of the Bear".

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Has Falk Kaundur had the last laugh today? By that I mean since Down Time started, the games gone off line. Has he bribed CCP to get his revenge.

      Will CODE survive?

      Delete
    2. Oh shi-- HE GOT PUTIN TO NUKE ICELAND!

      Delete
    3. Least Putin bought CCP PIZZA lol

      Delete
  2. "Falk Kaundur > Fuck you and fuck your mom bitch i fucked your father and all your family"

    Falk is determined to leave no family member unfucked.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Although Falk had lost his Covetor and implants, he was confident that he would get the last laugh. He had powerful friends in Moscow."

    \o/!! New bingo square!

    ReplyDelete
  4. And this, folks, shows just why it's always best to gank first and ask questions later.

    What is it with russian carebears and their absolute lack of wit?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Carebears lack wit, regardless of their nationality.

      Delete
  5. but bing left,too.............

    his alt is only online bt not himself strange isnt it?

    Last time i was in kino here were 10 covetors (no permit) some dozen retreivers & mackinaws cause the alt of bing is more intersting now in ganking big ships in uedema

    so kino is NOW free of minerganking as well as 99% of all near jita systems (except uedema + & around 2 jumps

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hush now, Bear. Three hallowed names uttered in one MB blogpost. I'm overwhelmed with Respect, and so should you be.

      Bing Bangboom, Spine Ripper, loyalanon.

      Delete
    2. Sasha you always bring calm to the discussions. Your one of my code heros

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. Eve should have bought a permit

      Delete
    2. Code will gank anything and everything. Take the server, they ganked the server and it took CCP 12 hours to get it back online. Code is killing eve, one gank at a time.

      Delete
    3. haha oh look it's that butthurt dude who doesn't actually know anything about the internet. Eve is dying because of idiots like you.

      Delete
  7. "And as the first missile made it's way from Russia to America starting a nuclear war, the missile had the following painted on the side: 'This is for Falk Kaundur's Covetor you bastards!'"

    ReplyDelete
  8. Shame CCP programmed the missile and hit Moscow by accident

    ReplyDelete
  9. Typical AG rage

    ReplyDelete
  10. Thanks Savior, those were some juicy russian tears. Good job Bing!

    ReplyDelete
  11. What the strawberry was that?

    ReplyDelete
  12. Code collects tears and the rest of eve is dieing... thanks code for breaking a perfectly good themepark game and tuning it into a socialpaths wet dream.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Getting real tired of your fake shit fake Veers...

      Delete
  13. Was I the only one who read Falk's dialogue out loud in a mock Russian accent for sole, personal amusement?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No, you're not the only one. This whole thing was hilarious.

      Delete
  14. Another Victory for the New Order!!!!!

    AG is constantly failing and is now rageing and crying and about it!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  15. "he had powerful friends in Moscow" I see what you did there

    ReplyDelete

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