Thursday, July 9, 2015

The Rise of the Space Neocons, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... PwnySquad and its leader, koiso Phoenix, suffered catastrophic theft losses when director TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet got them caught up in a fake Pandemic Legion recruitment scam. The corp needed to be rebuilt from the ground up. TheInternet was put in charge of a large-scale recruitment effort.

Determined to make his dream of an ore buyback program into a reality, TheInternet borrowed another freighter from koiso and more money to buy another POS. Then PwnySquad was hit by another crisis: TheInternet's freighter was ambushed in Uedama!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > IM BEING BUMPED
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HELP
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > KRAZYTACO IS SHOOTUNG ME
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HE IS WITH THE CODE
koiso Phoenix > check pwny channel plz thanks
As TheInternet shouted for help in corp chat, koiso told him to check the special officer channel.
koiso Phoenix > TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet what are you do dont trust ppl to web you if they aint in or corp thats crazy
koiso Phoenix > omg
koiso Phoenix > really
koiso Phoenix > why didnt you listen and stay dock up
koiso didn't want to make TheInternet look bad in front of the new recruits, so she scolded him privately.
koiso Phoenix > im 15 j out
koiso Phoenix > im coming with webs
koiso Phoenix > stop freaking out in corp
koiso Phoenix > thank you
koiso Phoenix > if you want to spam freak out in this channel thank you now calm down they aint going to shoot you or they would have alrdy
All TheInternet needed to do was stall for time. koiso rushed to Uedama in a destroyer that would web the freighter and make it easier for him to warp off. Until then, koiso urged TheInternet to project a sense of calm in the corp chat.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > help
koiso Phoenix > im omw just calm down
koiso Phoenix > if i get you out of this i swear the next time you dont listen i will kick you out of corp
koiso Phoenix > this is twice now
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > help my shields are almost goner
For the first time, koiso expressed how frustrated she was getting with her director. Meanwhile, back in corp chat...
Kurisa Ongrard > i rallied White Knight Alt Zepher Maulerant Kleptain and were here now
koiso Phoenix > you in uedama
Kurisa Ongrard > yeah were here, need backup tho
Zepher Maulerant > still active
koiso Phoenix > everyone taget the brutix
There was good news on the home front. The four new recruits were assigned to their first PvP mission, and not a moment too soon. PwnySquad's finest, along with koiso, would help TheInternet's freighter escape from CODEdot's clutches.
koiso Phoenix > invite me to fleet
koiso Phoenix > invite to fleet
koiso Phoenix > fleet me
koiso Phoenix > what are greens doing shoot
As koiso was coordinating the fleet, disaster struck.

koiso Phoenix > well that suck
All four new recruits turned their fire on koiso's destroyer. Now the truth became known: koiso was completely surrounded by awoxers in her own corp. It was the dreaded reverse-awox, in reverse!
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > help
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > they want 1b ISK
White Knight Alt > give me 1 billion isk or he dies
koiso Phoenix > no
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HELP FFS
White Knight Alt > i guess you dont value the lives of your friends then?
White Knight Alt > ill kill them all
Despite passing a background check performed by another awoxer, White Knight Alt was an awoxer. He demanded one billion isk, threatening to destroy TheInternet's freighter and its precious cargo. PwnySquad's future was hanging in the balance.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > the POS and FUEL and freigther is worth 2x that much
koiso Phoenix > srry we dont give money to pirates/scammers
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > than come kill them
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > because if I lose this stuff I dont have anything
koiso Phoenix > its your fualt for not listing
koiso Phoenix > what do you want me to do pod him to death
koiso refused to pay the ransom, out of principle. TheInternet urged her to re-ship and bring enough firepower to rescue him.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > dude
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > the other guys are trying to help me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > but ur not wtf
koiso Phoenix > that and i dont know if i can even trust you constidering you might be playing me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > koiso Phoenix omg
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I'm the only person thats had your back
Having been burned so many times in the past, koiso was reluctant to do anything to save TheInternet. She even began to question his commitment to PwnySquad. In a dramatic moment, TheInternet urged koiso to remember all the times he'd helped her.
White Knight Alt > So be it.
White Knight Alt > he dies.
koiso Phoenix > White Knight Alt why are you in this corp only to seek money from rasoming
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > JUST HELP ME
koiso Phoenix > so you didnt get enough isk from the orca i gave you
White Knight Alt > obviously not
koiso attempted to reason with the awoxer. She'd given him a free Orca, but it was not enough. TheInternet was running out of time, and koiso was running out of options.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HELP ME
Zepher Maulerant > I will avenge you koiso
koiso Phoenix > go for the armor reper
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > WE CAN GET THIS OUT OF HERE WE JUST NEED MORE DPS
koiso Phoenix > Zepher Maulerant how close are you
PwnySquad's leader was in a state of utter confusion. She didn't know if she could trust anyone. Feeling she had no choice, koiso agreed to fleet up with the awoxers again and mount another rescue mission.


koiso brought a much more powerful combat ship, but it wasn't enough, since the rest of her fleet still consisted of awoxers.
koiso Phoenix > really noe
koiso Phoenix > ok well this is pointless
koiso Phoenix > killem leave corp so i can go back to what i was do
Zepher Maulerant > WHy did you leave fleet
Zepher Maulerant > I was asking for orders
Zepher Maulerant > on who to kill
Zepher Maulerant didn't get in on the second kill. He'd only awoxed koiso once, so he claimed total innocence. But koiso had seen enough.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > BRING A GOOD SHIP FOR ONCE
koiso Phoenix > lol good night
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > wait
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > im in comms with the guys who are holding my freigher
koiso Phoenix > of course you are
To put it mildly, PwnySquad had experienced a rough couple of days. Could the corp be salvaged? Did TheInternet's dream of an ore buyback program still have a chance of success?

To be continued...

26 comments:

  1. TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet seems "subhuman" to me. Take "it" to the ovens to have the "subhuman" burnt out of "it"

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! Look at Kalynn Shardani of Anti-Ganking using its Nazi rhetoric to slaughter what it percieves to be "helpless jews."

      The True Face of mining reveals horror for all the world to see.
      Personified in the tryhard fakeness of this Bot-Aspirant.

      Delete
    2. In related new, overheard in jita local earlier:
      First person "Now taking wagers on if Ming Tso will undock anytime this week"
      Second person "Unlikely, that would be a safe bet"
      Third person "Does he even log in anymore?"
      Second person "He does run his mouth alot on their website"
      Third person "Yea, but if he is not in game he does not count"
      Fourth person "Watch out! he will rant and cry on minerbumping now"
      followed by alot of "Lol!" and "Rofl" on channel.

      Delete
    3. I think I speak for all fake Mings and Veers when I say that your comment is a disgrace to our kind. Boring.

      Boring boring boring boring.

      Delete
    4. Hey look at me, I'm Ming. I never undock so I have plenty of time to Molest and fuck kids with baseball bats. When I'm not fucking kids, I rant and rave like a lunatic on Minerbumping so I feel important.

      I know the truth though... I'm just a worthless piece of garbage that lives in his parents basement. As such I, Ming Tso will slit my wrists after fucking a few kids in the ass with the knife first. Good-bye cruel world....

      - Ming Tso

      Delete
    5. Miners, you really need to take a second and calm down.

      Delete
    6. Fake ming @1:14 AM this is just getting sad now. Maybe you should stop being so butthurt

      Delete
    7. I'd really love to see the loss mail that has fake Ming so butt hurt for over a year.

      Delete
    8. Probably your run of the mill 30M isk rountine retriever gank. It is amazing how upset people get over the smallest of things.

      Delete
    9. Probably your run of the mill 30M isk rountine retriever gank. It is amazing how upset people get over the smallest of things.

      Delete
    10. Alas, Asia Leigh, will you stop being so bot aspirant and finally learn how to not do double posts?

      Delete
    11. Agents have had death threats from carebears who lost empty pods. EMPTY PODS!

      Delete
  2. Like Jesus with the fish, this is the story that keeps on giving.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. depends on the testament and translation

      Delete
    2. Loaves and fishes, actually.

      Delete
  3. Tweeps you magnificent bastard, you deserve an Oscar for this.....:)

    -----Mike Adoulin

    ReplyDelete
  4. O dear, koiso.

    Why is it that, when some folks find themselves in a hole (Sokhar was another such), they just keep on digging?

    Fantastic entertainment though...

    ReplyDelete
  5. Replies
    1. have you tried turning it off then back on again?

      Delete
  6. "All four new recruits turned their fire on koiso's destroyer. Now the truth became known: koiso was completely surrounded by awoxers in her own corp. It was the dreaded reverse-awox, in reverse!"

    LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Should have mined in Panorad.

      RS

      FSOP

      Delete
  7. "Despite passing a background check performed by another awoxer, White Knight Alt was an awoxer."

    Omg what a twist wtf he was an awoxer all alonbg?

    ReplyDelete
  8. Knock,j knock...

    ReplyDelete
  9. It was the dreaded reverse-awox, in reverse!

    BRB, gotta wipe away more tears of laughter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Is that like double secret probation?

      Delete

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