Thursday, July 30, 2015

The Day the Miner Fought Back, Part 1

The New Order has grown by leaps and bounds. Now even the farthest reaches of New Order space are patrolled by our Agents. An elite detachment consisting of Agents Get Well Soon, Mark Eting, and Lisa Tears set out on an expedition to the Genesis region. They were prepared for whatever they might find in the boondocks of highsec.

Our heroes discovered an Orca piloted by dutchkiwi. A quick background check revealed him to be a rebel. The carebear claimed to be affiliated with a nullsec alliance. It was odd, really: Though he was friendly to CVA, he wasn't friendly to the New Order, which ruled the space he actually lived in. Alongside dutchkiwi's Orca was his Hulk alt, Pureminer Pava.

That's when things got interesting. As soon as Pureminer detected a New Order presence in local, he swapped out his Hulk in favor of a combat ship, a Stratios. He intended to ambush our Agents with a counter-gank!

Pureminer fell victim to something he couldn't possibly have expected: A counter-counter-gank! Our Agents landed on grid and tore apart his disturbingly fail-fit Stratios.

Despite Pureminer's rebellious attitude, our Agents were optimistic. If a carebear is alert enough to watch for gankers and willing to go to the effort of setting a trap, he might have a little Gallant left in him. Many "active" rebels have joined the New Order because they realize that they enjoy playing the game more than isk-grinding.

On the other hand, some rebels completely buy into the notion that our Agents can only shoot ships that can't shoot back. They think the New Order is a bunch of pushovers--rather than elite warriors, as is actually the case. Rebels with this attitude don't handle it well when they're beaten by the New Order.

It wasn't long before our heroes wondered if Pureminer was one of those rebels.

Early indications were negative. Even when told to calm down, the miner remained in an angry state.

Pureminer Pava was indeed one of the carebears who was willing to try PvP but didn't like it very much. The experience had only solidified his twisted love for an all-PvE playstyle.

Deprived of his comfort zone, Pureminer began spewing Miner Bingo quotes and other standard-issue spin in local chat. The carebear's Stratios was "free", presumably just like everything else he'd earned from grinding.

Insecure carebears like to switch over to their alts mid-conversation and shed tears from multiple characters. dutchkiwi, his Orca pilot, took point.

Then the carebear did something very revealing: He played the "you only shoot ships that don't shoot back" card even though our Agents had ganked his combat ship, which he was actively attempting to use in an ambush against them. Agents, remember this lesson well. There are no circumstances under which a carebear won't play the "you only shoot non-combat ships" card. It is meaningless. It's merely something rebels say to make themselves feel better about the New Order's obvious superiority.

The miner quickly abandoned any attempt to explain why his combat ship was a non-combat ship. He began desperately scraping at the remains of the bottom of the barrel. "I have kill rights, and I will use them!"

Our Agents couldn't escape the feeling that maybe Pureminer Pava wasn't Gallant material after all. The carebear might not be cut out for the New Order, but could he at least be persuaded to calm down and buy a mining permit?

To be continued...


  1. What a charming individual this Pureminer is. Some days I think we'll eventually run out of insanely angry carebears. Every day I'm proven wrong. How do these kinds of people consistently end up in the most notoriously cold and unforgiving PVP MMO out there? Did they not get the memo?

  2. Wow. Someone really needs to ask that miner to calm down.

    1. Far for it to be me to correct an elite pvp Agent of the New Order, if you read the article closely, the miner was told to calm down and continued ranting.

    2. Check profile compared to actual James (see the posted by link at bottom of article.

      Fake James, calm down.

    3. Also, same fake James who tried to say in KotW comments that incursion runners don't need permits.
      At least try to make a new fake profile instead of using the same one. #antigankerfailsagain

    4. "Far for it to be me"

      ^ Our Supreme Protector would never make such a simple mistake.

    5. Clearly a clusmy and inept carebear plot.

  3. another difficult lesson learned, hopefully it was learned well. I suspect we will find out as the story unfolds...

  4. Switch hulk for more expensive ship and lose the ship. "At least I still have my hulk" #minerlogic

  5. Wow. That miner really needs to calm down. It's starting to emulate some of the butthurt mining bots who come here to lavish me with tears.

    1. Read the article again. The miner was told to calm down.

      Ming Tso, why don't you undock and join us for some freighter ganking. You are giving us a bad name.

    2. We've been telling him that for some time now.

      That, and also he's worth less than a miner. Because miners may engage in bot aspirant activities, but they ARE doing something at least, contrary to Ming.

      Looks like the guy thought buying New Order shares would earn him respect.
      Ad if the New Order's respect could be bought!! What a joke.

    3. Look at these silly posers knocking the Saviour and acting as if supporting the Code was a bad thing.

      First of all, fake James 315 doesn't know that the Official Miner Bumping account has a special gray "pencil" tag next to it to verify that His account is the official blog administrator. The fake account lacks this symbol, which immediately exposes you as a fake and invites laughter and ridicule at your petulant and misguided efforts.

      And second, UndockAnon, you know nothing. Before, you (or other anons whom I can't be bothered to distinguish you from) were screeching that I wasn't an Agent of the New Order because I didn't own any shares.

      You (or someone who looks like you, I don't know, miners all look the same to me) challenged me to buy 1 million shares, a challenge in which I demonstrated the reliability of the New Order to win any challenge in which we participate, and so I blew you out of the water with a then unprecedented 11,000 share purchase. You whined, and you quivered, and then you went back on your word and said that "Purchasing shares doesn't make you an Agent," which is clearly contradicted by the direct Word of the Saviour, and the Code. I'm pretty sure if I did log in and gank a few miners, that you would be right back to saying "Ganking minerrrs doesn't make you an Agent!!!11! waaaahhh"

      Speaking of which, where are your shares, random Anon who apparently thinks it has the authority to speak on behalf of the New Order? I don't believe you have any! Which makes your opinion less than useless to any New Order Agent.

      As a matter of fact, I hereby exercise my right to revoke your opinion.

      Now I'm going to sit back and watch as you try to copy me.

    4. Calm down Ming! Calm Down!
      Its not our fault your valued less then a lowly miner. I know your ashamed of pretending to buy shares, (remember you admitted that it was faked), but really you should calm down.
      Maybe buy some real shares this time, or better yet grow a pair and undock.
      I know both are very scary things for you to do, but one only grows as a person if he, or in your case, it is willing to try and do new things.
      As a side note ming, I have been spending this week ganking miners and then giving them isk (after teaching them how to avoid future ganks). If your interested in growing up a bit, i would be happy to have you join my alt for some ganking fun, if your not to scared that is.

      Lots of love,

    5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    6. Wow. Quite the love hate relationship some of these anon's have with you Ming. Not sure on whether to congratulate you or advise you to run from these stalkers...

    7. 'I'm pretty sure if I did log in and gank a few miners, that you would be right back to saying "Ganking minerrrs doesn't make you an Agent!!!11! waaaahhh""

      Nope, your words would finally have a weight, somehow. Because you'd be a threat. A low threat, but still a threat.

      Just like some anon said on a previous post, right now you act like a scared puppy, hiding in his doghouse with a "Beware of the dog" sign on it, barking to drive bad guys away. HOW are you supposed to be credible ? You can't.

      Even a "lowly miner scum" like myself can make fun of you, because right now, you are absolutely not a threat to me or my operations. (and i'd love to know where your station is, so i can mine right under your nose)

      Now, Puppy Ming, grow a pair, get out of your doghouse and bite instead of barking. Become a real hunting hound, you will be worth something at last.

      Until then, you have no authority whatsoever. Or perhaps yes : the authority of being laughed at.

    8. @Anon3:01

      M, Someday I'm going to want to see proof of all this "miner philanthropy" that you say you're doing. I don't care if I know your actual ingame name. You know mine. I'd just like to see if you're actually doing half the shit you say you're doing. You understand why- you say you're ganking miners which makes you not a ganker.

      The thing that puzzles me, is- what happens after you actually give the miner its isk back? Do you ever run into miners that just curse you or make rude comments to you after you actually give them their isk back and are nice to them? Or they say something smug and then just 'close convo?' How does that make you feel?

      Do you start to understand how miners are inherently misguided individuals who don't know how to have fun in EVE? How do you reconcile the fact that you know that if you give a miner free will, that they will do something destructive and hurtful with it?

      Plus as to my share purchase, why don't you just attempt to purchase some fake shares and see if you get your name on the shareholder list.
      James doesn't put up fake donations. That's how you know he's telling the truth. The New Order would not be able to be the organization with the reputation that it has without being able to back up our promises with cold, hard, cash that we get from supporters and from proceeds of freighter ganks. You know as well as James 315 does that my donation wasn't faked. It was a donation that reflects the worth of Call it a subscription fee, if you will.

    9. Carebear Ming, calm down.

    10. Still barking and no biting. You have no authority whatsoever, you are only entitled to calm down and try having more value than a miner. Many anons told you, you only need to undock and gank a bit. What are you waiting for ?

      Even though you are worth less than a miner, you're still fun to read, i'll admit that.

      tl dr : Ming, you are ridiculizing yourself. Please go on.

    11. miners and freighters are dying in game, you yap anon on the forums. Who's doing more?

    12. @Anon5:36
      Miner, Calm down.

    13. Ming, are you saying you're a miner ?
      You just said "Calm down" to 5:36
      ... 5:36 is YOU.

      Like i said : he loves to ridiculize himself.

    14. @Anon5:36
      Also, whether or not you like to admit it, my authority is genuine. I have been Blessed with the Ability to be able to tell carebears such as yourself what they can and cannot do. I can threaten you with death, and there isn't anything you can do about it, except call me a "carebear," and my killboard clearly proves I'm not that, so everyone looks at you and calls you wrong and stupid. How does it feel to be elected "the dumbest one" in your group of "friends?"

      Praise James, we have Carebears calling other people "carebears" as an insult. Why is this? Could it be that New Order culture is seeping in and influencing the carebears themselves making them hate themselves as much as pretty much everyone else in the game hates them?

      If so, how can anyone see this as indisputable evidence that the Code is, indeed, winning?

    15. @Anon6:43
      It is clear who I'm talking to, as you have not yet explained in your comment the fact that I am talking to an Anon, whom you are, and whom I clearly am not.

    16. The one thing ming is best at is being the biggest carebear of them all, even more then carebear miners are.
      @ Ming, i have offered to let you come and fleet with my alt and kill miners, but you have declined multiple times. If its out of fear of the miners, or out of fear of me, or both, we may never know. As in previous comments on these very forums, i have explained what the miners do when i gank them, then offer to teach them how to avoid ganks, but i imagine reading is to much work for you, so you likely did not read what i posted before. Alas, you can lead an ass (donkey) to water, but you cant force it (ming) to drink.
      @ Anon 6:43, yes, yes ming does ridicule himself, often. Then again he...err it is not the brightest player eve has to offer.


    17. Ming, calm down.

      "I can threaten you to death". Oh yes. But an empty threat doesn't count as a threat, does it ? Still barking, to biting.

    18. Behold.

      The carebears are talking about killing carebears.

      The New Order has won an incredible cultural victory this day.

      Praise James.

    19. Ming must be sad that even carebears are a step up from is.
      Ming, again, in friendship i offer you to come and join me as i kill miners.
      Decline again, and you again show your the coward, not the carebears that your scream at and froth at the mouth over.
      Your the only one i know, in the entire game, who claims to be a pvp warrior, yet never undocks. Sense the irony yet?


    20. I'm a miner who can't shoot back, and yet i dare to undock.
      Ming is (supposed to be) a pvp warrior, and he doesn't undock.

      Ooooh the irony.

    21. Congrats anon miner @ 9:39 :)
      Be proud to know you stand taller then Ming Tso ever will, because your not scared to leave the safety of a station.


    22. In all fairness to ming thou, he might be scared of undocking since he did get killed by a corpmate the last time he did dare to undock.
      The tears where so precious at the time :)


    23. I, Joker Anon am back, and i think this is a perfect spot for another joke!

      2 random code members (lets call them frank and joe), and ming wind up in hell.
      Naturally all 3 are worried about where they find themselves.
      A door opens and there is a horrible butt ugly woman nearly naked in a bedroom. The Devils voice calls out and says "Frank, you have sinned. Your punishment is to spend the rest of time with this woman" Lesser demons drag him out to the room and the door closes.
      A 2nd door opens and here there is an even uglier woman. The devil calls out again and says "Joe, you have sinned. Your punishment is to spend the rest of time with this woman" More lesser demons drag him kicking and screaming out of the room, and the door slams shut.
      Ming is now terrified and the door starts to open. Inside the door is Donald Trump in a tiny g-string bikini. The devil then calls out "Donald, you have sinned....."

      Joker ~ Anon

    24. Too similar to last joke before you gave up trying to be funny. Please search the internet for new content before posting.

    25. This joke ^^^^ directly above is only surpassed by the joke called ming.

      I found anon's joke good. Especially the part with ming in it :)


    26. Hehe, this joke was a bit too similar to the Bill Clinton / Monica Lewinsky one. I guessed the ending too soon. =)

    27. In 1998, God, having had enough of mankind, has decided to destroy the Earth and bring final judgement on mankind. In preparation for this, he decides to summon the three most important people on Earth to tell the world to prepare. So God calls Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates to Heaven. God tells them that he will destroy Earth in 3 days. On their return....

      Boris Yeltsin: I have bad news, and even worse news. The bad news is that there really is a god. The worse news is that he is going to destroy the Earth in 3 days.

      Bill Clinton: I have good news and bad news. The good news is that God really does exist. The bad news is that he is going to destroy the Earth in 3 days.

      Bill Gates: I have good news and even better news. The good news is that God thinks that I am one of the three most important people on Earth. The even better news is that we don't have to worry about that Y2K bug.

  6. My, my, look at that . . . another ship that can shoot back got shot down by Code!

  7. Methinks Mr dutchkiwi & Mr Pureminer Pava are not the sharpest tools in the box.

    The Code always wins!! Always!!

  8. That Stratios fit tho....

    My wife, Phyllis, has a summer dress bearing a similar pattern. She bought it in '62 during a mercifully brief flirtation with the much maligned microdot, but never had the courage to wear it. Keeps it hidden away in a dark recess of the old wardrobe thingy. Best place for it, I say.

    1. Phyllis is the best!

      "My poor wife Phyllis, who was peering over my shoulder, uttered a piercing shriek... and fell to the floor senseless."

  9. I, too, attempt to PvP with ships that have no web or point. Do you guys petition for slurs? Just imagine the extra tears when he comes back from a temp ban lol.

    "LEAST I STILL HAVE MY HULK"...methinks this might be a little foreshadowing

  10. Looks like another victory for the New Order of high sec.

    Why didnt antigankers save them or offer proper fitting advice

  11. There is a place in New Eden that is very similar to Australia and New Zealand, in that, everything is backwards and upside down. That place being Pure Blind and Deklein.

    In PB/D the goons are the carebears, multiboxing mining barges and ratting aimlessly while playing H1Z1 on their other computer.

    They're hunted mercilessly by a group of elite pvp'rs: Mordus Angels. (strange difference here though they really are elite pvpr's).

    Only in Pure Blind / Deklein will you get to hear GOONS say such priceless gems as:

    "I didn't want that Ishtar/Garmur/Skiff/etc. anyway!"
    "I have 10 more ships just like the one you just killed."
    "You guys are using a game exploit."
    "You can't pvp" (this is after their ship exploded)
    "Why you hate us so much. We provide content."
    "Fuck You!"
    "Your fucking with my ISK per hour!"

    ...and many many more.

    If your sick of Code / Goons and are ready to do something about it, there has never been a better time to destroy them.

    Come be the powerful friends in Null Sec you always wanted. Help use drive the goon to extinction while having a great time collecting goon tears.

    See a Mordus Angel recruiter today!

  12. It's always the NRDS guys with all the anger and pent-up frustration!

  13. Carebears always seem to lash out like a 3 year old denied some favorite toy or something by their Mommy. They could have used better childhood upbringing to prepare them on how to speak in public chat. As usual the valiant Agents maintain a professional attitude and decorum as a proper example on how to conduct yourself to all that may witness the event.

  14. Kind of a dumb move taking on 3 cats at once, don't you think? How much DPS was he up against? 1600?

    1. 3 of my guys do closer to 2000 dps when we heat :)

    2. Maybe he had the superman theme playing in the background?

  15. Threat Level: Carebear. No threat at all.

  16. I hate it when they bump my Bardge...

  17. And yet another goofus. Why are there so many of them? Maybe I should set up a PvE academy with strong focus on netiquette. Lesson 1: "How to behave when your Pixel ship gets destroyed"


  18. Insult, Capslock and Tears is much more stupid than Code!! (God knows how much they are stupid)

  19. Ahhh, delicious tears. These are the sweetest sort too.

    Never stop crying, care bears. You are a source of endless entertainment.
    My teenage daughter- who doesn't even play Eve- likes to share your mewling comments here with her friends.
    You are literally the laughingstock of my child and her friends. This is your lot in life. This is what you are. Your pixelated death and your non-stop river of tears that follows is comedy.
    Dance, clowns. Dance.


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