Wednesday, July 8, 2015

The Rise of the Space Neocons, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... PwnySquad corp lost everything when its leader, koiso Phoenix, was duped by a "Pandemic Legion" feeder corp scam engineered by New Order Agents. TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet, PwnySquad's new director, accepted full responsibility for the debacle. But the past was past. Now koiso was focused on rebuilding the corp with a recruitment drive. Despite losing all of his assets in the PL feeder corp scam, koiso mysteriously had a lot of money and ships to throw around.

TheInternet recruited two new members to the corp, Kleptain and Kurisa Ongrard. Because TheInternet vouched for them, koiso promptly gave the new recruits large amounts of isk and ships.
Zach Shibbity-Pow > so a high sec corp?
koiso Phoenix > yea
koiso Phoenix > what are you looking to do
Zach Shibbity-Pow > Anything, I guess.
koiso Phoenix > do you have and API
Zach Shibbity-Pow > yeah, I'll paste it in, sorry
Meanwhile, koiso created a new channel especially for officers of PwnySquad. Interviews of potential new recruits were also conducted in the channel. Having been burned in the past, koiso increased security. Anyone who wanted to join the corp was required to provide a full API and submit to a background check.
koiso Phoenix > Kurisa Ongrard welcome to the officer/ recruiting interveiwing room
Kurisa Ongrard > o/
Kurisa Ongrard > awesome
koiso Phoenix > Kurisa Ongrard generally thing im looking another ocra pilot and more miners so once you have them ready to join ask for a full api so i can check or you can check there history and other players and skill to make sure they arent scammers or pirates
Kurisa Ongrard > alright il lget to it
...However, the security policy didn't apply to TheInternet, who was grandfathered in. Nor did it apply to the recruits TheInternet vouched for, such as Kurisa Ongrard. In fact, Kurisa was immediately promoted and given the job of conducting all the security screenings.
koiso Phoenix > White Knight Alt o/
White Knight Alt > yo
Kurisa Ongrard > welcome to our channel
White Knight Alt > Excellent. i talked to kurisa about joining
koiso Phoenix > ok you and indy miner?
White Knight Alt > i can mine, haul, and do orca boosts.
Word got out among TheInternet's friends that PwnySquad was giving away free Orcas to its new members--if they passed the interview and API check.
koiso Phoenix > what are you looking to do
White Knight Alt > i was looking to help new players get started into mining and improve their efficiency while training them up in fitting and various skills they need
koiso Phoenix > what do you prefer cuase i need another orca pilot
White Knight Alt > i like orca piloting
White Knight Alt > leading mining fleets is fun and relaxing
Another friend of TheInternet's, White Knight Alt, effortlessly breezed through the interview. He was exactly what PwnySquad was looking for. Somehow, he knew all the right things to say.
koiso Phoenix > would you mind sending full api for in an eve mail
White Knight Alt > yeah no problem. send it to kurisa?
Kurisa Ongrard > yeah
Kurisa Ongrard > you better not be agoon
Now all White Knight Alt needed to do was pass the API background check. Could he survive Kurisa's careful scrutiny?
koiso Phoenix > Zepher Maulerant o/
Zepher Maulerant > Hey
koiso Phoenix > interest in joining
Zepher Maulerant > Yea
Zepher Maulerant > I like the name
koiso Phoenix > you mine sending eve mial with full api to Kurisa Ongrard
Zepher Maulerant > yea gimme a sec
Yet another of TheInternet's friends, Zepher Maulerant, appeared. This time, the interview was even easier to pass.
Kurisa Ongrard > almost done
Kurisa Ongrard > kinda distract irl atm
koiso Phoenix > yea checking API
Kurisa Ongrard > ok hes fine
koiso Phoenix > ok shoot him and invite
Back in the PwnySquad corp chat, koiso asked for an update. Kurisa was happy to report that all the recruits were clean. Everyone passed inspection. They all qualified for free Orcas.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > hey I've got my freighter on the way from Jita to Rens
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > can somebody provide me security
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I saw a CODEdot Machariel again
koiso Phoenix > i would tweet but im going to have to log here soon
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ive got a machariel def following me
koiso Phoenix > dock up
As Kurisa handled recruitment, TheInternet got to work transporting the new POS with his new freighter, both purchased courtesy of koiso's cash. At the first sight of a CODEdot bumping ship, koiso ordered TheInternet to dock up immediately. Highsec was simply too perilous to be traveled when the New Order was around.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ive got the POS
koiso Phoenix > dock up till i get there
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > CrazyTaco offered to web me but he is attacking me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i accepted a duel help
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > k i think I lost him but I need help I think he is following
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > just warping into Uedama
TheInternet couldn't resist attempting to brave the trade route, though. The corp needed to get its POS set up. Then TheInternet made a crucial mistake: He accepted a duel request from KrazyTaco, an Agent of the New Order. It seemed like a good idea at the time; the Agent had innocently offered to web the freighter. Now TheInternet was being pursued.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > help
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > im being bumped
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i still have a duel tiemr
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > machariel and a brutix
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i need help ASAP
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HALP
TheInternet hoped he'd gotten away when he jumped into Uedama. To his great surprise, the New Order was camping that very system!


Now the PwnySquad freighter and POS were in terrible danger. TheInternet pleaded for help in PwnySquad corp chat.
Zepher Maulerant > you basically need a tengu or ishtar to take that comp on
koiso Phoenix > i dont have either right now so you should have stayed dock
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I CANT
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > IM BEING BUMPED
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HELP
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > KRAZYTACO IS SHOOTUNG ME
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HE IS WITH THE CODE
The situation couldn't be more desperate. Would TheInternet survive long enough to get help from koiso? Would the corp's four new recruits be enough to rescue TheInternet from the CODEdot ambush?

To be continued...

20 comments:

  1. Man this is dragging on...........................................................

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I DUNNO IF ID SAY "DRAGGING", YOU KNOW? ITS JUST ABOUT TO GET GOOD! I SAW THAT NEW GUY "WHITE KNIGHT ALT" AND HE'LL PROLLY TURN THINGS AROUND AND GIVE THOSE NEW ORDER SCUMBAGS THE BUSINESS!

      Delete
    2. He's a gewn... duh.

      Delete
  2. Like fine dining, the Supreme Protector lays the story out in separate courses so each morsel may be savored!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Let's see if the "boring" Anon comes back and salts this story with more of its tears!

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Everyone passed inspection. They all qualified for free Orcas."

    Apart from making me laugh so much I snorted my monocle into orbit - this sums it up for me.

    Pointing the finger at this CEO's stupidity shouldn't allow us to mask the tremendous job done by His Honour TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet, and friends.

    This story (not over yet!) illustrates the essence of New Order practice; a distillation of generosity, ambition, adroitness, companionship and benevolence.

    This is so much more fun than FozzieSov devblogs!


    ReplyDelete
  5. psalms Space Neocons I , Part V

    ReplyDelete
  6. I started to read this article just when it was posted and I got half way though. Woke up just now with my head on my keyboard. Went to the restroom, looked in the mirror. The keys had spelled the word...

    BORING!

    Wasn't even backwards either. go figure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For someone who claims its boring you sure do comment a lot around here.

      Delete
    2. @Anon9:47
      Ahahahahahaaaahh! I knew you wouldn't be able to resist getting baited into this article.. But at least it seems like your keyboard knows how to stencil what you are into your forehead!

      The New Order, and today, I guess, your keyboard, wins!

      Delete
  7. "KRAZYTACO IS SHOOTUNG ME!"

    My favorite line so far.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > hey I've got my freighter on the way from Jita to Rens
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > can somebody provide me security
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I saw a CODEdot Machariel again
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > ive got a machariel def following me

      ...

      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > im being bumped
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i still have a duel tiemr
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > machariel and a brutix
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i need help ASAP
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HALP
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > IM BEING BUMPED
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > HELP
      TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > KRAZYTACO IS SHOOTUNG ME"


      XD

      Delete
    2. Shortly after this debacle, TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet received the 2015 New Eden Oscar Award for Best Actor.

      Delete
    3. That fool couldn't land a part in a "C" movie...

      Delete
  8. My prediction: The four new recruits will miraculously rescue TheInternet's freighter and subsequently gain the elusive trust of koiso Phoenix. All four will be revered as heroes. As a reward, they will be given director roles in PwnySquad.

    I can't wait to read part 6 to see if I am right!

    ReplyDelete
  9. so brutal. ccp must make a lot of money off of these kind of plex happy idiots

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is kinda dragging out. You killed 2 trillion worth of ships last month...surely there are epic tear mails and screen shots of local you can use for updates.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Anon3:14
      The Saviour has a plan for everything. The massive amount of material that was duly collected shall be doled out in good time. You should stop worrying about the "destination" so much and start focusing on "where The New Order is right now."

      The Road to ending bot-aspirancy is as much a journey, as much as it is a lofty goal.

      Delete

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