Thursday, July 2, 2015

The Rise of the Space Neocons, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... An elite unit of New Order Agents calling themselves the Space Neocons resolved to keep the art of awoxing and scamming alive. Agent TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet was invited to join PwnySquad, a highsec PvE corp run by koiso Phoenix and her CEO alt. TheInternet had grand plans of starting an ore buyback program. But was koiso worthy, or was she a bot-aspirant who needed to be punished?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > cool, thanks
koiso Phoenix > yea sure its just a bowhead
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i really do need to get one of my own
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > it's packaged lol, did you just buy it?
TheInternet asked to borrow koiso's Bowhead, a 1.3 billion isk ship. He immediately received one.
koiso Phoenix > lol i generally buy in bulk so
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > you must be pretty rich
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > bowheads in bulk? lol
koiso Phoenix > lol year of playin i learn a few thing
A red flag was raised. Why would koiso buy Bowheads in bulk? She claimed that she'd "learned a few things" after playing EVE for a while. TheInternet worried that koiso might have "learned" to buy large amounts of PLEX and cash them in for isk.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > do you have any advice for recruiting
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > what sort of players should I try to attract
koiso Phoenix > LF miners and orca pilots try to find some legit players interveiw them and if they pass your gut check invite them....
Unlike the rest of PwnySquad, TheInternet's sole purpose in joining the corp was to test the corp's leadership. koiso's advice on security was to "find some legit players" and then see if they pass a "gut check". The use of APIs was unnecessary.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > help
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > [05:40:47] Siegfried Cohenberg > 500m or the bowhead dies
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i dont have money to pay him
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i cant warp
The next test: Would koiso rescue a corp member in need?
koiso Phoenix > i cant keep him off you
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > he is accusing me of stalling
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i dont have 500m
koiso Phoenix > so tell him to suck it
Agent Siegfried Cohenberg, one of EVE's most legendary bumpers, was on hand to stage a ransom attempt on TheInternet's borrowed Bowhead.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > he will gank me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i need to try to get out of this system
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > or pay the ransom
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > but i dont have the ISK and now he is asking for 1b cuz he says that I am stalling
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > can I borrow 1b ISK, cuz if I lose this thing I'm going to owe you more
koiso Phoenix > nope
koiso Phoenix > that ship isnt important to me
However, koiso had no interest whatsoever in paying ransoms, even if it was for an amount substantially less than TheInternet's ship. So noted. After TheInternet was satisfied that koiso wouldn't pay a ransom, his Bowhead miraculously escaped Siegfried's clutches. The crisis passed, and it was back to business as usual.
koiso Phoenix > so whats your plans for the ore buy back program
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > i've got to reposition all of the containers and such
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > set up wallet divisions, hangars, permissions, etc
koiso Phoenix > im glad you know how to do that it lood foriegn to me
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > yeah CCP could make things a bit more user friendly lol
It soon became clear that TheInternet was indispensable to the corp. Time for a promotion.
koiso Phoenix > ok i think i have given you right to everything
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > mm I don't think you made me a director although it looks like I have most roles
koiso Phoenix > which tab it that on
Azuan Windstrider > got it
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > nice
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > Can I use the orca to move the buyback mats?
koiso made good on her promise to make TheInternet a director of PwnySquad. But there was no time to bask in the glow of his victory. He immediately asked for an Orca.

A fresh Orca appeared. How much money did koiso have, anyway? And did she deserve to keep any of it? To find out, TheInternet initiated the next phase of his program.

At TheInternet's request, a friend declared war against PwnySquad. Wardecs are a fact of life in highsec; they're a compromise for the absurdly powerful CONCORD umbrella. Corporations that choose to do business in highsec can react to wardecs in a good way or in a bad way--like an EVE player or like a carebear.
koiso Phoenix > great alrdy a wt
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > uh oh
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > war?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > maybe the competition caught wind that we were setting up near Rens or something
koiso Phoenix > anytime you start a new corp without a big allience protection they will pick on us for awhile then get board its going to be small gang tactics
Luckily, koiso had a plan. She would shift the corp toward small gang tactics. What did that mean, precisely?
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I think we just need to be super careful about these guys, they look like they're affiliated with the New Order guys
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > They can be a bit aggressive
koiso Phoenix > yes well there nothing we can do just eat it up this time till we get build up
TheInternet's heart sank: koiso's war strategy was to do nothing, and to continue recruiting new players, who would have the privilege of doing nothing. What fun! If CCP wants to improve the new player experience, they shouldn't get rid of wardecs--they should get rid of carebear CEOs.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > I'm going to reach out to a merc contact I have and see if I can't get some pressure put on them
koiso Phoenix > really do thank you for your help
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > np man
koiso Phoenix > use the corp fund to pay for it
Our Agent wasn't content in letting PwnySquad go down the "do nothing" route so commonly employed by highsec PvE corps. He offered to enlist the support of powerful friends. koiso jumped at the chance of solving the problem with money.
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > alright, what's my budget here?
koiso Phoenix > deppend on what they offer
koiso Phoenix > couple of pilots no more then 200m if the offer to fight them force on force 350mil
TheInternet TweepsOnline TheInternet > alright I'll check into it
koiso Phoenix > try to stretch the corp funds get multiple corps if possible

TheInternet made a judgment call and took 620 million isk from the corp's 350 million isk mercenary budget. In his discretion, he chose to pocket the money for himself, rather than going to the effort of trying to locate quality mercs.

What koiso didn't realize is that she was being subjected to a "gut check" herself. So far, she wasn't exactly passing with flying colors. Still, TheInternet wasn't willing to render final judgment just yet. Unanswered questions remained. For example: How much more money could TheInternet get out of her?

To be continued...


  1. You can't fix stupid and gullible people with flawed game mechanics; they have to learn from experience. Lucky for them The Code can help tremendously.

    1. I'm un-clear as to which mechanics you think are currently flawed, but stupid, gullible and / or greedy people aren't going to be helped regardless of what you change.

    2. The kindest thing one can do for such players is to show them how stupid, gullible and/or greedy they are, and where it gets them.

      If you would like to know more, please register on my forums.

  2. The Code always wins! Praise John!

  3. meh, looks made up

  4. CODE: The Bittervet Old Folks Home.

    1. haha cry more noob

    2. First sign of the onset of chronic bittervet:

      Everyone's a noob.

    3. Don't forget unquenchable thirst for said newb tears!

    4. The New Order really cracks me up, take em for every penny lmao.

      Regards RS


    5. You're probably not aware of this, but Tweeps is actually a brand new player.

    6. Code tears are bitter tears!

  5. "If CCP wants to improve the new player experience, they shouldn't get rid of wardecs--they should get rid of carebear CEOs."

    Can't really add anything to that; succinct as usual, Saviour.

    1. Hisec corps are a cancer upon Eve. We need more tools to hold these CEOs accountable for the abuse they inflict upon newbies. We need a wardec buff.

    2. More like the new order is the cancer...bad CEOs will drive people away from their corp...the new order is seeking (based on comments seen on this very blog) to drive people from the game...

    3. Miner, please take a deep breath and calm down.

  6. Another failure from Anti-ganking!!!!!

  7. Replies
    1. just use the doorbell

    2. I must admit, it has been entertaining to watch this particular piece of bait go untouched for so long. I wonder how long until he starts replying to his own bait just so he can deliver the punchline. I can feel the tension building. He's screaming for the opportunity to tell his joke.

    3. Knock, knock...

    4. Sorry, the door is currently broken. Please climb through the window if you require assistance.

      Would you like to buy a mining permit?

    5. why buy a worthless permit form a new order liar? I won't change anything in the end...

    6. Anonbear 11:58,

      Of course! You are correct in every way!
      Do not buy a worthless permit from a liar. Ever!

      You should instead purchase a Mining Permit™ from a New Order Agent™.

    7. That takes us back to my comment, nitetime, to buy a permit from a new order agent IS to buy a permit from a liar...

    8. Miner, please calm down. You must understand that a New Order Agent™ is completely trustworthy. Perhaps if you meditated on the Code for a bit; it would help you calm down.

      You do not have to be filled with jealousy and rage just because others around you have Mining Permits and you do not have one. The Mining Permit™ is only 10,000,000 ISK for a whole year.

      Would you like to buy a Mining Permit™?

  8. Typical thievery from a bunch of crooks, thieves, and scoundrels.
    If anything kills eve it will be code.
    Its really sad that code agents are so weak at playing the game that they can only survive by stealing
    One would think after all this time they would learn to play the game like adults.

    1. Miner, please try to calm down. If you read the Code then perhaps it will bring you happiness. Also, a Mining Permit™ would help.

      Would you like to buy a Mining Permit™?

    2. Nah, just disgusted at the low lifes that code are and how they are in the game.

      Would you like to buy a life? I understand you do not currently have one.

    3. "how they are in game"... hmm.

      Have you seen what the carebears say? Have you heard of Kalynn?

      As for you; for someone who claims to be disgusted by the New Order; you sure do comment a lot on our blog ;). Thanks for being a fan.

    4. Miner, we are really going to need you to calm down.

  9. This is comedy gold...

    You telling people how to play a sandbox game, lolol

  10. This is a public service announcement.

    If you are the CEO of a highsec corporation, then there are a few rules that you need to follow:

    1. Do not add anyone to the corp roster until they have been verified with their API.
    2. Turn friendly fire off. I know it's hard, but come on, I know you can do it.
    3. Read Miner Bumping to gather a list of known code agents, scammers, etc....
    4. Charge no more than a 5% tax. Charging 10%, 11% or more is too much so you had better give something good in return. NPC corps charge 11%.
    5. Don't give people director level access within the first hours. Wait a few months and make sure that you know the person, in real life. Meet them in person, know their real name, address, phone number, place of work, etc....
    6. If someone want's to borrow a corporate asset, don't just give it to them. Make sure they put up collateral in case they run off with it.
    7. Do not have permissive corp hanger access...especially for new people in the corp. That's just asking for thieves to come in and raid you.
    8. And above all and perhaps the most important rule of them all: "TRUST NO ONE"

    Follow these rules and you cannot be scammed or cheated by code or any other miscreant.

    1. I agree BM, do those things and your safe from code being inside your corp, however it wont stop them from war dec'ing you. Honestly they just make eve look like an even worse game then it is, which is sad, cause eve did have potential.

    2. You forgot the 2 most important rules:

      1: Read and follow the Code

      2: Ensure all of your Corp members get Mining Permits and follow the Code as well.

    3. So B. M.: you tell carebears to think for once about what they are doing, to not abuse newbros with huge taxes and actually be helpful to them, and generally, to learn how this game is played? Thanks for doing the New order's work! :)

    4. Hello B.M., would you have some time to talk about Jesus Christ?

    5. Yes, I have time to talk about Jesus Christ. What do you want to know?

  11. What will drive down subs is not the New Order, it is carebear CEOs! CCP has proven that getting killed via PvP increases retention. Carebear CEOs are diametrically opposed to wardec PvP.

  12. the burning of amarr left james 315s blessing in my heart, form this glorius days i'll guided by his hand wander through high sec until i finally win eve.

  13. So, you are on an endless trek then...

  14. i always see the light


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