Friday, January 22, 2016

Zemalu Dawn, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Unrest in the Zemalu system! Agent Kalorned's visit to the provinces of Derelik was disrupted by an angry outburst from Covetor pilot Emilie Flensborg. Our Agents know how to handle hecklers. Kalorned bumped Emilie and dropped some gankers on her Covetor. Oddly, this show of strength only fueled Emilie's rage.

Even a miner who lacks a mining ship should know how to calm down. For the sake of the general welfare of EVE, I'd recommend that CCP make anger management lessons a prerequisite for flying mining barges.

Emilie's protest in local chat gained her some allies. Earlier, Zoobz Zoobaz had voiced support for Emilie's anti-Code agenda. He'd even used a Thorax to try (but fail) to stop the gank of Emilie's Covetor.

Poor Zoobz soon shared the fate of all who would oppose the New Order. His prized Thorax was obliterated.

You may have assumed that the Thorax was suicide ganked. Not this time. Our Agents love shooting ships that can shoot back, so Kalorned challenged Zoobz to a duel. Kalorned's performance in battle was exactly what you'd expect from a New Order Agent: brilliant, stylish, and completely victorious.

You see? Carebears won't put a "gf" in local even when they're given plenty of chances to shoot back.

Public opinion in Zemalu pivoted back in favor of the New Order.

In the face of overwhelming evidence, Emilie dug in her heels. Nothing ever counts as "PvP" when our Agents do it.

Kalorned is always magnanimous in victory. I supposed he'd be gracious in defeat, but he's never had one of those.

Win the battle, win the argument. That's how we do it in the New Order.

Over half an hour after she began her tirade, Emilie showed no signs of calming down. But it was clear to everyone that her resistance movement in Zemalu was past its peak.

Emilie's failure to stop Kalorned only made her anger burn hotter. She stepped up her rhetoric, doubtless alienating even some of her fellow anti-Code types.

By this time, Kalorned began to seriously question Emilie's willingness to buy a mining permit.

After an hour of almost uninterrupted ranting in local, Emilie was still going. The former Covetor pilot maintained her spirit of defiance. Kalorned felt sorry for her, but he was satisfied that Emilie's rebellion no longer posed a serious threat to Zemalu. In time, memory of the miner would fade away. And one day, Kalorned knew, Emilie herself would be the proud owner of a New Order permit--unless she quit the game, which would also be perfectly fine. After all, EVE isn't for everyone. It's for people like us.


  1. Hmmm... if we all put a 10 million bounty on his head, would this potty mouth calm down?

  2. i can keep my driveway clear of ice with those tears. I might have enough for the walkway too afterward.

  3. Kalorned is a true master of his craft. Well done sir, i tip my hat.

  4. Fuck that whiney crybear bitch. ag sucks so hard right now, bunch of fucking douche nozzles.

    Hey 'hisec militia', featured here is another of your nasty little constituents. It must suck to know you chose his side in this conflict, but then again you crying bitches are probably the perfect home for such whiney shitheels.

    Kill every hisec miner and their ag trash represenatives! Always!

    Yo, where was Faildo Raine when one of his whiney bitches needed correcting? Not cleaning his house, but failing hard, daily.

    Agents, please continue to purge this type of useless bitch from EvE! Save hisec now, shoot a whiney ag in the face daily!

    Thanks to CCP for giving us the tools to kill these hisec miner bitches, and for helping out in a pinch. I know of no other game where the Devs will step up and create a character to help combat carebearism. EvE Vegas was quite the eye opener. Wink wink.

    Fuck you all, hisec ag miners. You are but content for real players.

  5. Nope, the only way to shut this filth up is to pod his ass until he quits forever.

    "After all, EVE isn't for everyone. It's for people like us."
    Not people like hisec ag cunts. GTFO carebear bitches! EvE dont need your ore, EvE dont need your whine, EvE dont need your subscriptions, and EvE dont need your toxic attitude.

    What EvE does need is an IQ screening tool to keep ag and thier hisec miner trash out of our game.

  6. It is becoming harder and harder to try to defend these stupid miner fucks.

    I guess the hisec militia was always just a place to fail even harder, and we never did stop any Agents from having their way with the sorry carebear population.

    I would love to be able to play EvE properly, but i also am too much of a bitch to leave hisec, so i am doomed to watch helplessly as hisec miners are destroyed daily by the superior Agents of the CODE.

    I have come to realize that myself, and all hisec miner ag filth like me should be banned from game, as we are incapable of playing EvE.

    Faildo Raine, and the rest of our "militia" are just a bunch of whiney crybears that can only whore on CONCORD killmails. We sbould all just unsub and go back whatever shithole mmo makes it easy for us to play.

    The hisec militia is hearby shut down. Feel free to troll Faildo and his 4 alts until they ragequit. That guy kills me, writing 'reports' to himself about how hard his alts are failing. Thats some hardcore rp on his part, too bad he chose to rp the fucking retard.

    Hisec miner bitches, you will all get blown up due to your own stupidity. Join the rest of the hisec failitia and quit now.

    1. Thank you for your tears. You wouldn't happen to be a mach pilot would you? Must be tough. Tell us more! XD

    2. Methinks Faildo mistakes derision for tears. Try harder hisec failitia.

    3. Derision is what Wolfie does. Your wall of tears has gone way beyond derision and is firmly implanted in the butt-hurt category.

      Why so angry ganker? James 315 can replace you ships, but he can't replace your damaged ego can he?

      XD XD XD


    5. As amusing as it is to read the tears posted by people under my name, the fun's over.

  7. The language used by some in this comments thread outs repugnant and I would expect better of New Order supporters. One ano commentor even mentions a'toxic' environment perpetuated by AG. While correct, this commentator ironically enough creates their own toxic bubble.

    Grow up commentors, don't behave in the same manner as those we seek to reform.

    1. Aight, you guys heard the man, knock it off.

  8. this never gets old

  9. ジェームスの母売春婦は、ミサイル塔のヤギのペニスと肛門にコード自殺盗む猿野郎を貼り付けます。ジェームズは犬の寺院で神道ペニスを吸います。自分の罪のために、仏はジェームズのお尻にペニスをスティックと雌娼婦肛門パージの夜に、その後東京タワーの目のソケットにオーガズムを彼をマウントします。空間内のコードヤギ娼婦のくそ。質量パージは噴射剤です。

    1. You know what they say about chink tears, you are thirsty again in 30 minutes


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