Saturday, February 29, 2020

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #204

Time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

I say it often because it's true: Agents of the New Order are the rock stars of EVE.

...And EVE's saints, too.

Highsec miners, on the other hand, are decidedly non-saints. And for all the time they spend hanging around asteroid belts, they're not rock stars, either.

To be an effective Code enforcer, you need to be a good fact-checker. Miners are constantly spraying their lies across highsec.

Truth does not come naturally to the highsec miner--yet another reason they need the Code so badly.

The pro-carebear critics out there accuse our Agents of "harvesting tears". You know how our Agents go about harvesting tears? They tell the truth.

I'll just leave this here:
New Order Bathroom Protocol

If you listen to the miners, you'd think spaceship combat wasn't meant to be a feature of this game. Do they think PvP is caused by some sort of bug?

"Wanted to make some money..." Remember when video games were about having a good time? If not for our Agents, no one in EVE would have any fun.

Our Agent is correct. I've been telling miners for years to wash their hands. From the New Order Bathroom Protocol, linked earlier:
1. Miners must thoroughly wash both of their hands with soap and water immediately after using the bathroom (and before returning to their keyboard).

2. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner must answer the question truthfully.

3. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner isn't allowed to act all offended.
There's a rumor going around that the coronavirus was originally spread by highsec miners who didn't wash their hands. I don't know if that's the full story, but it's a very interesting rumor and it lines up with a lot of things.

Follow the Code, folks. It could save your life as well as your ship.

Time flows differently in the mind of the highsec miner. According to Gram Grey, the loss of his Covetor set him back 5-6 months. But he also claims that he started the game only a few days ago. How long did it take to earn the isk for his Covetor, I wonder?

Apparently it's a crime to ruin CCP. I wonder how many devs are on the run from Interpol these days? Surely FozzieSov has to have gotten some people on a watchlist.


  1. It would make sense that nasty miners helped spread the latest corona virus, they only exist to destroy. Just look what they have done to highsec. What a nasty bunch of "people".

  2. James 315, please contact your local Interpol Office. We would like to interview you, and have a few questions about some incidents which transpired in outerspace.

    1. Roger that, thank you anonymous, and that is what we needed to conclude our investigation. Units are now in route to what's left of Pearl River.

  3. Miners disgust me.

  4. Wash your hands often with soap and water for at least 20 seconds. Use an alcohol-based hand sanitizer that contains at least 60% alcohol if soap and water are not available.

    1. Still won't get the stank off highsec carebears like williegreer.

  5. Coronavirus, definitely a miners disease.

    1. The Corona Virus evolved from the Alone-A-Virus, something which all friendless highsec miners suffer from.

  6. Some say our Saviour writes stories. In fact, they write themselves, and the genius lies in His interpretation and telling of the stories. Praise James 315!

    Imagine being the Goofus who conflates his in-game hoardings with the success of CCP. There's a subtle insult contained within his assertion: the foregone conclusion that the miner himself is somehow representative of the greater EVE community. Speak for yourself, miner! Every game has winners and losers, so calm down and dedicate yourself to not being a loser. We will assist you if you let us.

  7. He's a demon.



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