Friday, May 1, 2020

Fresh Blubber

There's something about Agent Krig Povelli's Ikitursa.

You'd think that a Triglavian ship piloted by an Agent of the New Order would be an intimidating presence in any highsec asteroid belt or ice anomaly. And yet, time after time, miners choose to engage in combat with Krig's Ikitursa. They open fire on him!

Appropriately enough, Seven Mr lost a pod worth 777 million isk. But the Procurer pilot wasn't alone in choosing to attack Krig's ship. He had a partner in crime.

...One of these.
Krig Povelli > Hi
Krig Povelli > Would you like to save your ship?
tracer Madullier > sorry, i , new player
tracer Madullier > please
tracer Madullier > let me go
Krig Povelli > A new player with an Orca?
Since Agent Krig was in lawful combat with tracer Madullier's Orca, he had the option of tackling the miner's ship and negotiating with her. Krig hoped that he wouldn't need to kill the miner. But so far, it seemed like tracer was a total liar.

To Krig's amazement, the Orca pilot was indeed a "new player"!
tracer Madullier > i played one day
Krig Povelli > You injected skills then
tracer Madullier > yes
Krig Povelli > Tell you what, I am fair
Krig Povelli > 315 mil. ISK to save your ship
Our Agent was unsettled by the notion of a one-day player in an Orca. Yet Krig's desire to peacefully resolve the situation overcame his misgivings.
tracer Madullier > sorry
tracer Madullier > i m so sorry
Krig Povelli > Send 315 mil. ISK
tracer Madullier > ok
Krig Povelli > Waiting for ISK
Agent Krig felt that a 315 million isk ransom was fair. It was, after all, significantly less than the Orca was worth.
tracer Madullier > let me go
Krig Povelli > That was only 32 mil.
Krig Povelli > I said 315
Krig Povelli > 315,000,000
Tragically, the miner tried to scam our Agent. Krig would never quite look at her the same way again.
tracer Madullier > i have not enough
tracer Madullier > this is all
tracer Madullier > sorry
tracer Madullier > sory
Krig Povelli > You have other assets
tracer Madullier > really sorry
tracer Madullier > my money all use
tracer claimed to have absolutely nothing but her Orca. One hundred percent of her wealth was tackled in that ice anomaly.
Krig Povelli > Trade me some skill injectors
tracer Madullier > i have no
tracer Madullier > now
Krig Povelli > That is unfortunate
tracer Madullier > please
tracer Madullier > let me go
tracer Madullier > sorry
tracer Madullier > realy
Krig felt he was still being scammed. Surely tracer had some other assets to her name? Our Agent knew, for instance, that tracer had used skill injectors. Maybe she still had some.
Krig Povelli > If you give me 315,000,000 ISK then I will let you go
tracer Madullier > i really no
tracer Madullier > wait
Krig Povelli > Wait for what?
To put a little extra pressure on the miner, Krig began to whittle away at the helpless Orca's hitpoints. tracer urged him to stop. Would this be a turning point?
tracer Madullier > Forgive me, I have used all my money, I do n’t have any now
Krig Povelli > That is not how you are supposed to play EVE
Krig Povelli > Rule #1 in EVE
Krig Povelli > Always pay ransoms
Krig Povelli > Rule #2 in EVE
Krig Povelli > Never fly what you can't replace
Krig Povelli sighed and continued to fire upon the Orca. Our Agents are the only ones who teach people how to play EVE these days.
tracer Madullier > You have n’t played my account for too long, I ’m wrong
tracer Madullier > oh
tracer Madullier > no
Krig Povelli > Oh
Krig Povelli > Yes
The Orca began to lose structure hitpoints at an alarming rate. The clock was ticking. If tracer had any isk, the time to send it to Krig was now.
tracer Madullier > I used all my money
tracer Madullier > dont do this
Krig Povelli > Oops
Krig Povelli > I hope we can still be friends
At last, the inevitable occurred.

tracer bought an Orca on her first day in EVE and lost it the same day. She was like the mayfly of Orca pilots.
tracer Madullier > Give me back my money
tracer Madullier > ok?
Krig Povelli > No refunds, friend
Krig Povelli > o/ Fly dangerous
Krig Povelli > And always remember the Golden Rules of EVE
Now the miner had nothing at all. But if you really, really, really think about it, tracer's experience with Agent Krig made her richer. For true wealth cannot be measured in isk. It can only be measured in the Code.


  1. im glad tracer learned to stop mining, in just one day!

  2. Skill injectors.
    The crack cocaine of EVE.

    1. Highsec miners.
      The gutter trash crack heads of EVE.

      Agent Krig Povelli is doing all of us a huge favor. However, CCP may just replace this guys orca for the fuk of it. They seem to be going full carebear out in Korea.

    2. Then Krig...or myself....will just kill it again.
      But I doubt it will "be replaced".

  3. "oh no"

    "Oh yes"


  4. Best article ever my Lord!

    Praise James! May he rule High Sec 1000 years more!


    P.S. Where was anti-ganking?

  5. Another victory for the one who rules!

    Praise James! May he reign 1000 years! \o/

  6. Krig is a legend, more of his content please!


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