Thursday, May 21, 2020

The Plague of Nakugard, Part 1

On March 25, 2020, the "Enhanced Bathroom Protocol" went into effect across highsec. But, of course, highsec miners are not known for obeying laws or washing their hands.

Unless a Code enforcer ensures that they do.

That's where brave men and women like Agent Alt 00 enter the picture.

Alt 00 was deeply moved by the humanitarian mission of the Code and its various supplementary protocols described in MinerBumping. She resolved to retreble her efforts to clean Nakugard, her favorite system.

Nakugard, with its close proximity to the Hek trade hub, tends to attract unruly miners.

...And unruly miners tend to be filthy, grubby little things.

Feldspadar Sinak was a typical bot-aspirant. He was precisely the kind of miner who yells at Code enforcers in local all day but claims that he's "never been ganked".

(Which means that he's been ganked and is still deeply bitter about it.)

Nakugard has been Alt 00's headquarters for several years now. The Anti-Code types know that they can always find Agents in the area, so they often travel to Nakugard to register their complaints.

Code Are Cowards dedicated one of her character slots to the sole purpose of protesting against the mighty CODE. alliance. Let me guess: She's "never been ganked"?

As expected, the daffy miner claimed that she had become an anti-Code protester because she'd heard about CODE. from someone else. I guess she didn't like what she heard.

What she probably heard was the sound of her Retriever exploding.

Two months before the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol went into effect, Alt 00 had the luxury of casually chatting with such Goofuses. 'Twas a carefree time.

But as the lack of hygiene in highsec became a more serious situation, Alt 00 would need to take more extreme measures. Luckily, the Code had prepared her.

To be continued...


  1. The real cowards murder minors and take their own life.

    Who would fail so much and do that over a video game?

    Never forget Shardani.

  2. Noooo! Such a cliffhanger!

    I wanted to hear how being ganked lead to the tragic demise of the miner IRL! Did being exposed as a worthless highsec parasite made him aware of his shortcomings as a person, and that realization eroded his resolve over months until he couldn't take any more of himself?

    The suspense is killing me!
    (figuratively of course. Only miners die of videogame-related suspense)

  3. If a miner dies in real life, did they ever actually live in real life??

  4. Too me too long to realize that the Goofus had not created a new word for a female coward, but simply didn't know how to spell cowardice. He's like a walking billboard for the relevance of the New Order. Praise James!

    1. Yea, I caught that too. He's a special miner, that one. And he's too chicken-scared to go after CODE. in game on his main.

      Miners are dumb.

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