Parental Advisory, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec miner Richard The-Crusader came under heavy scrutiny when he lost a mining ship and blamed it on his son, who was allegedly at the controls when it was ganked. Our Agents urged Richard to man up and buy a permit, but he was determined to resist the Code.

Richard claimed to be a lawyer IRL. Now he would bring all of his legal training to bear against the New Order.

Interestingly, Richard's first instinct was to look up "extortion" in the dictionary, which is something we've seen miners do hundreds of times over the years. Highsec asteroid belts are basically law school, I guess.

The self-proclaimed terrestrial lawyer attempted to prove that highsec's law was itself illegal. He failed.

Seeking a decisive battle, our Agents focused on the heart of the matter: Was Richard's son really to blame? Did the miner even have a son? Richard knew that this was an important moment in the debate. He needed to speak about his son's existence in a convincing manner.

...Naturally, he took the opportunity to throw his son under the bus.

Richard's story got a mixed reception from our Agents. At best, the miner had confessed that the gank was necessary to teach the miner's son to listen to his parents.

Once again, Richard became sensitive at the suggestion that he wasn't father of the year. However, our Agents were under no obligation to pussyfoot around the miner's particular sensitivities. So they called it like they saw it, as Agents of the New Order do.

Incredibly, Richard declared that buying a permit didn't merely fund future ganks; it was the same as selling his son into slavery. This is what's known as digging in one's heels.

Under these conditions, selling a permit wouldn't be easy. Our Agents would need to radically transform Richard's worldview.

For starters, our heroes needed to convince Richard that they were only acting in his son's best interests.

Then the miner fell silent. This often happens in a conversation when one of our Agents makes an especially powerful argument. Then the miner will either do something really smart, like buy a permit...

...Or he'll do the other thing.

To be continued...

Parental Advisory, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Unlicensed miner Richard The-Crusader was brought to justice by the mighty CODE. alliance. But Richard claimed total innocence: He blamed all of his unlawful mining activities on his good-for-nothing son!

According to Richard, his son was responsible for every foolish decision that the "Richard The-Crusader" character had made. Richard's only crime was trying to make his son happy.

The rebellious miner further weakened his case for reimbursement by suggesting that our Agents might be pedophiles.

But Richard's objections to his son becoming a ganker revealed another problem: He was so suspicious that he presumably cautioned his son against joining any corporation. As we all know, this sort of thing has a negative impact on retention rates!

Once again, the rebel hinted at the possibility of bringing a fleet of Fraternity. ships into highsec to shut down CODE. Apparently his "main" had a lot of influence on Fraternity.'s foreign policy. When he wasn't AFK mining in a rookie system, that is.

Though it might take Fraternity. some time to fully mobilize for a highsec campaign, Richard had some other weapons in his arsenal.

Of course, the New Order cannot be defeated by isk. In any case, highsec miners tend not to have much of it. And when they do, they prefer not to spend their money on a "cause".

As expected, Richard quickly rescinded his threat to put bounties on our Agents. Another victory!

Agent Xeux picked up the thread that Richard had left dangling when he refused to allow his son to join a ganking corp. Was this miner admitting that he wanted his son to play EVE as a solo game?

Richard quickly clarified that his son was free to join any organization that didn't demand ransoms or protection money. That's how you avoid the creeps and weirdos in EVE.

If this conversation continued for much longer, Richard might run out of Miner Bingo squares. Then what?

Nevertheless, our Agents remained confident that they could persuade the miner to see reason. For the good of his whole family.

...But a miner this stubborn wouldn't embrace the Code so easily.

To be continued...

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Seventy-Seven Billion in Shares Sold

EVE generally--and highsec specifically--is filled with bad EVE players. There are also a small number of good EVE players, like our Agents. So how does a bad EVE player become a good EVE player?

...Buying shares in the New Order is a good start.

Korgoth of-Barbaria earned some serious EVE cred this week when he purchased 1,155 shares, taking us past the 1,876 billion isk mark and earning him a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. He already owned a handful of shares, but joining the billionaire's club took him to the next level.

keepiru played it a bit safer, purchasing just 100 shares. But his timing was superb; he earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ by bringing us to the 1,877 billion isk mark.


BONUS!

Agent Aiko Danuja saw this on the forums but doesn't know who created it:

If you'd like to claim this piece of artwork, please step forward. In the meantime, enjoy some random reactions of people who got ganked by Aiko and her friends:

Carebears get tilted while tilting at windmills. Fitting.

Parental Advisory, Part 1

Oh, dear. Another unlicensed, untanked miner. I wonder what the excuse will be this time?

Richard The-Crusader was caught violating the Code. By the time Richard returned to his keyboard, he had his story all lined up.

The miner threw his son under the bus in record time. And he certainly wasn't the first to do so.

In fact, it's quite common for a highsec miner to blame his children for a gank...

...Even newborn babies are not immune from this sort of treatment.

Sometimes, one can't help but wonder whether the only reason carebears have children is so that they have someone to blame for their Code violations.

Nevertheless, the sins of the father must be dealt with. That's where our Agents enter the picture.

If you're old enough to have a child, you're old enough to buy a permit. That's the law. Miners, our Agents aren't interested in sitting around all day talking about how much your son sucks at EVE. They want the 10 million isk you owe.

Our Agents noticed that Richard asked a lot of questions. Maybe he was stalling.

Richard's son was a lowly miner, but Richard himself--if his "main" ever made itself known--had powerful friends in nullsec: The dreaded Fraternity. alliance. Scary!

The miner stepped on one Miner Bingo square after another.

Whether or not he actually had any children, Richard most definitely had some crazy ideas in his head. Our Agents prepared themselves for what could be their greatest challenge yet.

To be continued...

Kills of the Week

In EVE, you consent to PvP every time you undock. In highsec, you consent to the Code. EVE is a PvP game; highsec is Code security space. Easy to understand, right? Yet the bot-aspirants like those seen in today's post are struggling with it. Our Agents will rescue them, one and all. From the week of September 15th @ 00:00 EVEtime through September 21st @ 23:59 EVEtime...

KILLMAIL

We start with the big one--the purple one. Avior put all of his faith in bling. He blinged out his battleship to the tune of 55 billion isk! No one knows just what Avior was trying to prove, but whatever it was, Agents Narl' Amhar, Votre Dieu, Rungerd, and Astrid Tyrfing disproved it.

A ridiculous, ridiculous killmail.

KILLMAIL

Knowing Uedama's reputation, Hillary Ashton crowded as many hitpoints as she could onto her Bowhead hull. A reasonable precaution. Yet she chose to go AFK in New Order territory. She even failed to purchase a mining permit! Agents Jason Kusion, Jacob Kusion, Jonas Kusion, Jeremy Kusion, Josh Kusion, Jeffery Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, Jessie Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jimmy Kusion, Jack Kusion, Josiah Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, Joshua Kusion, and Darvulia Tepes weren't intimidated by Hillary's tank; more hitpoints simply means more Kusions.

KILLMAIL

Meanwhile, near the other big highsec chokepoint, Helen Kadeyooh lost her own 4.8 billion isk hauler to Agents Astrid Tyrfing, Narl' Amhar, Votre Dieu, and Rungerd. The integrity of highsec is being enforced in every system.

KILLMAIL

Purple isn't the only color that makes our Agents see red; Deathpalerider crammed a bunch of green onto her capacitor-tanked Marauder. Agents Votre Dieu, Rungerd, Narl' Amhar, and Astrid Tyrfing were more than happy to destroy it all. Carebears, capacitor tanks are not as reliable as you seem to think they are.

KILLMAIL

The blingy Skiff made a return to highsec, thanks to Killroy Was-Here. He couldn't resist his ORE Ice Harvesters. From the moment he purchased them, though, he was doomed. Agents Knackered Old Goat, Joel Kusion, Khagan Shardani, Jason Kusion, Temujin Khoga, Jake Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jayden Kusion, Magalaus Shardani, Jackson Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, Jeremiah Kusion, and Joshua Kusion took a break from gate-camping just to kill him.

KILLMAIL

Loner Grimm took a wrong turn somewhere in lowsec and managed to run into Agent Cautiously Optimistic, who was honing her smartbombing skills. Loner presented himself as an ideal test subject.

Loner was using a Slave--er, "Amulet" set. Whatever you want to call them, they're gone now.

The Tour Guide

The anti-Code crowd accuses the New Order of being a bunch of bullies and griefers. They say we "harass" miners into buying permits. All of these claims are false. As a matter of fact...

...Much of the time, the miners come to us. For various reasons, they seek us out, eager to learn about how to buy a permit. Why, you ask?

In this case, the source of the miner's motivation was being ganked by Agent Hillbilly-2000.

Shiki Akata lost his mining ship. He didn't want to repeat the experience, so he went to Agent Aiko Danuja. She immediately put aside whatever amazing thing she was doing at the time--all to help Shiki. What a gal.

Shiki was clearly in need of information about EVE. No one had ever bothered to provide it to him. And, to be fair, he wasn't particularly interested in it until someone shot him.

The miner revealed that he--like pretty much everyone else in EVE--was aware of the Code. But he had deep, deep concerns about the Code's effect on new players.

Agent Aiko was ready to answer Shiki's questions. Always.

The reality is that our Agents are the #1 way that new players learn about EVE. We even supply them with access to an EVE Online New Player Guide. For free.

Our Agent poured time and energy into helping Shiki. Yet there were signs that this miner might disappoint her.

Shiki, it seems, was not ambitious enough to become a highsec miner.

Try as she might, Aiko was not able to retain his subscription. But at least her conscience was clear. Aiko is not a scammer. She wasn't going to lie to Shiki about EVE just to get him to continue paying subscription fees to CCP. That would probably be against the rules, anyway.

As you've probably guessed, Shiki wasn't the newbie that he'd implied he was. Shiki drifted aimlessly around EVE for a year and a half before Agents Hillbilly-2000 and Aiko found him and taught him the game. They were willing to help, even though Shiki couldn't honestly call himself a new player.

Heroic? You bet. And the members of the mighty CODE. alliance do this every single day.

So the real question is, where's our Community Spotlight?

After all, SOMER Blink got one. And our organization has suffered fewer permabans than his.