Tuesday, September 10, 2013

A Capital Idea, Part 1

There are hundreds of New Order Agents operating throughout highsec. Some belong to New Order-themed corporations. Some are enrolled in nullsec alliances, or in NPC corps. Despite our diversity, you can always tell a true Agent through his actions. An Agent will seize any opportunity that presents itself, to advance our noble cause.

I was contacted by Cuban Ace, who identified himself as an enemy of the Sansha. Note that he did not claim to be a Sansha, because impersonating a Sansha would be wrong. (More on that subject another day.)

Cuban heard the plaintive cry of a carebear in local. For reasons unknown, zesa was incapable of mining for a whole day. That's where Cuban's compassion kicked in. Instinctively, he knew he needed to help the miner, if he could.

Just a few lines into their convo, zesa was showing every symptom of bot-aspirancy. He'd rather play another video game than jump one system in EVE.

A typical carebear, zesa was in no hurry. Nothing motivated him. The slightest inconvenience--in this case, a Sansha incursion--was enough to stop him dead in his tracks.

Though some find torture preferable, Agents of the New Order are skilled in alternative interrogation techniques. We build a rapport with the bot-aspirants and get them to open up. Then they pour out their dirty secrets. zesa freely confessed his violations of the Code.

It got worse. zesa had ambitions to get his hands on a titan. At the moment, he was constructing capital ships. Yet he had absolutely no interest in PvP, and he didn't believe in the maxim, "Only fly what you can afford to lose." He was not a proper EVE player.

Cuban Ace ended his EVEmail by commending the Sanshas. Despite being bots, Sanshas helped inhibit the mining activity of a Code-violator.

...But the story didn't end there. Just as he was in the middle of his convo with zesa, contemplating the Code and its implications, Cuban became inspired.
Cuban Ace > if you dont have a supportive corporation, it's pointless to try and move them around
zesa > I am constructin a caldari dread at this time and there is no hurry
zesa > I don't sell them
zesa > I would rat with them in 0 but like I said people want to destroy them
Enquiring further, Cuban discovered zesa's bloodless, unnatural intentions for the capital ships that he built. He would enslave the grand PvP vessels and put them to use in a fully bot-aspirant manner.
Cuban Ace > Ever thought of joining a nullsec corp ?
Cuban Ace > or a lowsec one ?
Cuban Ace > that uses them ?
zesa > I have belonged to several but they get upset when I don't want to pvp
zesa > I enjoy ratting in low sec but the ceo don't like that when you refuse to pvp
Cuban Ace > I could try to help you in a corp that wouldnt be upset
Each time zesa opened his mouth, it only got worse. On any other day, zesa would commit his atrocities and get away clean. But not this day. For on this day, he had met a true Agent of the New Order. And the game, as they say, was afoot.

To be continued...


  1. I really don't know why, but i'm enjoying this post. A lot.

  2. I can see where this is going and I like it a lot.

  3. I was hoping this was going to lead toward some serious incursion interdiction action, but now it looks like it will end up as a different type of story.

    Really want to start bumping and/or ganking incursion logis.

  4. My god, it's literally painful to read zesa's words. That man has no soul.

  5. Anon 12:15, that is exactly how I felt.... Admitting to playing SWTOR as well, a game full of care bears if there ever was one.

  6. So if he was not a proper EVE player, does that mean that the new order is proper EVE players? If so, do you fly around with your pinky fingers sticking straight out when your hands are on the controls???

    1. No, but we speak with British accents while we rail your mom.

    2. That got a genuine lol

    3. The test of a true Eve player is if they follow the rule "Only fly what you can afford to lose.". Those that follow it are true Eve players, those that don't aren't.

      The New Orders gank squads lose every ship they fly. Thus they follow the rule.

    4. @ Prim and Proper

      You sound like a rude bot-aspirant, perhaps you need some antimatter pounded into your skull.

    5. @Anonymous: I'm sorry to hear that you lack both a name and a sense of humor. Better luck next life.

  7. Someone shoot this carebear to oblivion. or better, someone scam the hell out of him. honestly. Building ships u dont use and want to be in null/low for carebearing only? jesus...

  8. i dream of the day when we get word of a roid ganking a miner.
    personally i lost a ratting ship, in my early pve days, pinned in warp against an asteroid. i have to think the roid had a good laugh while i asploded.

  9. He needs to keep playing SWTOR and cancel his Eve sub.

    That's what I did. I'm not a fan of player-driven content.


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