Tuesday, September 17, 2013

A Capital Idea, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec miner zesa confessed to multiple crimes of bot-aspirancy. His mining operations relied entirely on the ability to mine AFK. Worse yet, he was building capital ships for the purpose of PvE'ing in lowsec. He admitted that his refusal to engage in PvP kept him from joining a nullsec alliance.

Agent Cuban Ace was zesa's white knight. Having established a rapport with the bot-aspirant, Cuban would do everything he could to save zesa--and the carrier zesa intended to enslave.
zesa > the last corp I was in was in close proximity to the germans and russians and they were always attacking us and the ceo kicked my out because I just wanted to rat
Cuban Ace > Dont worry about htat :)
zesa > the corp that I am in now, I am the only active player
Cuban Ace > Wanna try joining mine for a bit ?
Cuban Ace > Until you find another corp
Despite his misgivings about zesa's carebearism, Cuban was willing to give zesa a chance to join his own corp. Maybe being surrounded by people would remind zesa that EVE isn't about PvE.
zesa > where are you based?
Cuban Ace > NOwhere really, i follow incursions by moving my carrier around
zesa > you like incursions
Cuban Ace > Yes :)
zesa > cool, a carrier might handle most of the incursion ships
zesa > I don't have a lot of experience actually flying a carrier. like I said most people that come across them want to destroy them
zesa > I only have smartbombs and fighters on my chimera and it's gimped
zesa's secrets poured out of his mouth. He admitted that he didn't know how to fly his carrier. He could only leave it to the fate of every carebear's ships--gathering cobwebs in station.
zesa > I only have a few hours a day that I can play and still keep a happy household
zesa > I just lost my ceo in swtor because his wife her or the game his choice
Cuban Ace > Too bad
zesa > yes and mine is just as bad. She will put up with my gamming until she wants to do something and then i need to leave at a moments notice
zesa > thats why I stay mostly in empire. I don't get into something that will tie me up
Cuban Ace > you'll never get tied up in lowsec ^^
As Cuban listened patiently, zesa continued his confession. In great detail, he explained all of the ways he'd justified his AFK lifestyle to himself.
Cuban Ace > well, if you want to find another friendly eve community, you can join mine :)
zesa > interesting, let me think about it
Cuban Ace > If you're interested, just apply :)
Cuban Ace > We'll sort the rest out later
zesa > who do I apply to?
Cuban Ace > Silver Dragon Enterprises

To be sure, Cuban's corp, Silver Dragon Enterprises, was on the small side. Its only other member was its CEO Karynak Idrissil, whose name bore a striking resemblance to Neltharak Idrissil, one of the first EVE players ever to heed the call of the New Order.
zesa > what time zone are yon in?
Cuban Ace > EU/early US
zesa > I am in est time so about the same
Cuban Ace > yep :)
zesa > I started out in a corp based in Belgium until the ceo had a nervous breakdown and they disolved it
Cuban Ace > My carrier is in Kinakka right now
zesa > I would have to jump there and that is something I haven't done in a long time I don't even know if I have jump fuel on it.
Cuban Ace > i can bring you some and light cynos for you, its no big deal :)
zesa's history suggests that he's bad luck. Cuban Ace was undeterred. He would turn zesa's luck around.
Cuban Ace > o/ zesa
Cuban Ace > Welcome !
Karynak Idrissil > Welcome :)
zesa > thank you
Karynak Idrissil > Cuban told me to let you in :D
zesa > I hope you won't regret it
Cuban and Karynak welcomed zesa into corp chat with open arms. But there was no time to waste: They needed to do something about zesa's carrier.
zesa > until I get familiar with what you are talking about I would just prefer to move the chimera
Karynak Idrissil > How do you want it moved ?
zesa > it's been a long time since I have jumped anywhere
Karynak Idrissil > It's probably better if you let us light the cynos then
Karynak Idrissil > if you light it wrong, it can send you flying into space
Cuban Ace > Zesa, do you want to make the jumps yourself or do you want me to pilot your chimera ? I can do both, it just depends on your confidence :)
zesa > It might be better if you did it I have never jumped this ship and it has been a few years since I have jumped anything
Years of bot-aspirancy atrophied all of zesa's piloting skills. He didn't even know how to jump his Chimera, because he intended to sit in the same system every day and rat. So the task of jumping the carrier would fall upon Cuban's shoulders.

Cuban hurried to zesa's system. Once in station, he urged zesa to set the carrier free.

In an instant, the ship dubbed "zesa's Chimera" had a bright new future. It wouldn't languish in the asteroid belts and anomalies ever again.
zesa > there was a web site that would map your jumps for you I was going to use it to move the moros is I had to
Cuban Ace > yeah, it's what i use
zesa > there is a cloaker on the carrier if you need to lay low for awhile
Karynak Idrissil > always fit a carrier :0
Karynak Idrissil > a cloak*
Karynak Idrissil > but wait, you have a Moros ?
In an unguarded moment, zesa let slip the fact that he had a dreadnought mothballed in the station, as well. Karynak was stunned.
Karynak Idrissil > we could bring him to that right now, if he wants
zesa > I don't think I could do it today momma wants to leave in a bit
Cuban Ace > No sweat, we could get your dread in system so its ready for you :)
zesa > the moros is equipped but I have never flown it except around this systen when noone was here
zesa > bio break be back
zesa > back I have moros equipped to destroy stations and other ships
zesa > if you want to jump the moros to kin come on down
zesa > bring fuel and I will reimberse you
Cuban Ace > on my way
Cuban's rescue mission became even more urgent. He needed to get the Chimera to safely, and then return for the Moros as quickly as he could.

Luckily, zesa's wife was nowhere to be seen, and zesa was able to remain online until Cuban returned.

Another capital ship saved by the New Order! Cuban and Karynak were overjoyed.

Cuban concluded his report. In the end, zesa and Silver Dragon Enterprises didn't prove to be a good fit, and zesa's membership in the corp only lasted a few hours. But those were the finest hours zesa ever spent in EVE. To my knowledge, he never thanked Cuban, but zesa should be forever grateful.


  1. "you can't patch stupid" James 315 (2013)

    Yet another example of the useless endeavour to keep carebears and noobs safe, time is better spent making them better than cuddling them.

  2. I am glad the capitals have found their way into better hands!

  3. Wow Zesa's making me depressed just reading the chat logs.

  4. I was expecting a reverse safari and some dead mining barges. But this, this is just glorious!


    1. To be honest, the plan was to reverse-safari his capital, i really didnt expect it to turn this way. But hey, 5 billion isk !

  5. If you love your capitals, give them away. If they come back, they are yours; If they don't, they never were.

  6. Rather like treading in a turd, reading that makes me feel slightly sick. I guess the technical term is "disgust".

    1. You're right, the fact someone would use capitals to rat is disgusting. Thank goodness they're in a better place now, right?

  7. There are MMO's where players can work hard for a long time and get something valuable in the game that they can use and hold on to forever if they wish.

    Eve is not one of those MMO's. I think we all accept this going in. No one involved with the game would ever claim otherwise.

  8. Moral of the story: never marry an abusive woman.

  9. And once more you dissapoint the people that might believe in you by scamming. A sad time when a saviour glorifies scamming.

    1. you never believed in the new order, otherwise you would not say something retarded like this.

      every kind of emergent gameplay is supported by the new order.

      agent selina

    2. @Gustavo Campanelli the victim here was begging to be scammed. Who in the right mind would give so much info and on top of that SHIPS? To make matters worse, those are a few bil...

      Whether the agents acted on the new order principals, which ill say it straight, i do not agree or disagree, the initial goal was to shed some light on the carebear. But hell that dude even wanted to rat in null/low and never pvp.

      I have been in null and high, have been scammed pretty hard and learnt the lesson. My only mistake on scam was trusting easily strangers. Being in null, you either pvp a bit or just dont pvp but accept the fact that your ship will get blown up the moment it undocks.

      And i do not agree with AFK mining. Fair enough if its a one off for a few minutes but all I see in caldari space is 1 player, 2 to 4 accs afk mining and then be extremely horrible on local or think they are elites...

      To make one final statement, I do not gank ships but I do hope the users that get ganked learn a lesson.

      Oh and i mined on a retriever in the past for 2 hours, only me in the system and yet i was not afk at all. to pass the boredom i was chatting with a few friends on a public channel but always had local window on separate and if anyone jumped to the system i would greet them, unfortunately, those miners were too busy to multi task ships to even say hi...

      So end of the story, despite its RP hat, NO does do highsec a favor, by getting rid of ppl that dont play the game and are rude.

    3. While the blasphemer claiming to be the son of Zebedee the Jew is a petulant child and his actions are nevertheless apostacy....

      This is an example of what NOTGOD reveals to be target-aspirant behaviour (aka being that dumb you asked for it - similar to flying tanked procurers or skiffs) which according to the Self-Imposed-Righteous when done by miners is an act of unrighteousness almost as bad as the primary offences of collaboration or proselytising.

      I was thinking the way the story would end would be you cynoed him to a hot drop trap - dps city .... in which case it would be straight up AWOXing which is still a low act....

      But to give you the keys to caps...... thou art guilty of taking advantage of the meek and shall be clensed.

  10. Zesa was obviously just looking for friends. You guys are fucking pathetic. I came to this site after reading James315's well written piece on the mittani. I'm sorry I did.

    1. You sound like you're looking for friends !

    2. Of all the ways to look for friends giving strangers Caps might not be the best one.

    3. On the contrary, I believe gifting people capitals is a great way to make them like you

  11. i was gonna send zesa some money out of sympathy, but after seeing his bio i realized he is such a blatently obvious christian, so now it makes sense why he is so naive and needed the wake up call. Games are a tool for life - i hope he learned the lesson not to trust people. Faith is for fools. Wake up Zesa, theres nothing looking out for you. regardless, im sorry for your loss and what they did to you was wrong, but its much lighter than the brainwashing the bible has done to you and countless others. best of luck to you Zesa.

    1. ohh please show us how wrong and right are defined in eve.... ohh right. its called eula and as long you keep it it is right ;)

      agent selina

    2. Sociopaths like this are the reason the world is a steaming pile of shit; they run businesses.

    3. "Sociopaths like this are the reason the world is a steaming pile of shit"

      You're a glass-half-full kind of guy, I take it!

    4. LOL... 'I was gonna send him some money but I'm a religious bigot so I decided not to.'

      Stay classy, Bigot With No Name.

      --- Mike Adoulin

    5. You must be absolutely euphoric right now.

  12. Neltharak rescued those poor capital ships from languishing in their station hangars. PETCS. People for the Ethical Treatment of Capital Ships.

  13. Using capitals to rat... I can't even describe how wrong that makes me feel.

    ---Friendly Neighborhood Scoundrel


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