Wednesday, August 5, 2015

A Brilliant Swell of Tears, Part 1

Want to play EVE at its most extreme? Live life to the fullest? Become an Agent of the New Order. In our line of work, every second counts, and the stakes are as big as you can imagine. For example:


Whew! It was a close-run thing, but Agent Tisiphone Dira managed to destroy the Bestower illegally piloted by Brilliants Well, an undocumented carebear. The fail-fit industrial was loaded with nearly 200 million isk of Nocxium.


Despite his expensive cargo, Brilliants claimed to be a new player who had no idea about the existence of the Code. I keep saying CCP should put it in the tutorial, but as of yet they haven't--so much for the new player experience. As a result, it's up to our Agents to do the tutoring. Tisiphone explained that all cargo transported by unlicensed pilots is considered contraband.


Allegedly only "a couple days" into the game, Brilliants had already swallowed whole the myth that in-game sovereignty dictates everything. He didn't know about CodeSov.


The carebear refused to accept the authority of the New Order. He accused Tisiphone of being a pirate and demanded that she stop pretending to be part of a government. Brilliants couldn't stand to see MMORPG players pretending to be something they're not.


When Tisiphone refused to back down, Brilliants terminated their private convo. Now the matter would be decided in the court of public opinion: Uttindar local.


The alleged gank victim presented his case to Uttindar. EVE players can be a skeptical bunch, though. They aren't inclined to believe someone simply because they say they're a victim.


In fact, some in Uttindar felt the hauler pilot was probably to blame for the gank. Brilliants was caught off guard.


Tisiphone's reputation had been built up over the course of a long career of Code enforcement. One accusation wouldn't be enough to bring it down.


Frustrated by the lack of public outcry, Brilliants repeatedly challenged our Agent to a duel. He demanded satisfaction. Tisiphone ganked Brilliants' rookie ship. Still the carebear was not satisfied.


Brilliants' profanity-laden challenge didn't go over well with the people of Uttindar. He just didn't get modern highsec culture.


Tisiphone chilled out in a station while her GCC timer ran down. Her relaxed, confident demeanor was set in sharp contrast to the teary fulminations of Brilliants Well.


About 50 minutes after the original gank, Brilliants' psyche suffered a total collapse. He engaged in the carebear's last resort: Spamming local.


Public opinion turned totally against the spammer. Did Brilliants have any hope of getting justice for his Bestower?

To be continued...

19 comments:

  1. Hehehe..gotta love it. Even in the face of adversity and salty care bears, Tisi still keeps his composure. The sign of a good agent. Inb4 the obsessed Code fanboy trolls start commenting :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tisi can swim through an olympic-sized pool of tears like Michael Phelps.

      Delete
    2. Have to admit the ganked player was an idiot. Also have to admire the ""Greek Chorus"" of CODE members/wannabees in local offering support..a nice touch. Not a fan of CODE, but have to admit that a high percentage of their kills appear to target the intellectual/emotional immature.

      Delete
  2. I can't believe the slander against poor Tisiphone. Outrageous!

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  3. I cant wait to see the -M-N anon tears. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. The beautiful sound of another player leaving EVE forever. Only 20000 or so to go and CODE will be successfully vanquished.

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    Replies
    1. eve is dying grrr gons hat gons ruein geme pvp is genocide hilter hilter bullying space bushido

      Delete
  5. Only person I respect in or out of game is Donald Trump. Vote for him for CSM or POTUS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. C'mon dude, are you even trying anymore?

      Delete
  6. Wow, nice tears. He is literally SOBbing all the time! :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. Spamming, the carebears last and only weapon.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Inspiring story, I think I'll use some bits for my sermon this Sunday. Well done keeping cool.

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  9. CodeSov is such a better system than FozzieSov.

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  10. The big difference is that FozzieSov is real and we have to follow it's rules, while codesov is a lie and we can (and do) ignore it's rules...

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    Replies
    1. Ming, Ming, Ming...

      You're wasting people's time.

      WHERE is your latest kill ? Where is the zkillboard of your latest gank ?

      Please be a good dog... i mean, "agent", and prove everyone that you did something instead of lurking at the bottom of your station.

      Until you do, please do not bother writing.

      N.

      Delete
    2. @Anon12:53

      In case you haven't figured it out, Minerbumping.com is the official home of the New Order and its Agents. And that means since you are here, I have power over you. You are here commenting because you are angry that I speak the Truth, that can only come from the Code and James 315. I implore you to renounce your blasphemous ways and embrace the truth of the Code, so that you may deliver the justice that James 315 has demanded that the carebear so righteously deserves. My job is to command you to do so.

      May you come to understand your folly in the light of the Saviour.

      Love,
      Ming

      Delete
    3. You are mistaken.
      I'm not angry at all, i'm merely laughing, by seeing how ridiculous a non ganking "agent" can be.

      N.

      Delete
  11. CodeSov
    Tisi is a bathroom attendant
    Jock Yitch makes me laugh
    SOB

    LOL, can't wait for part 2!

    ReplyDelete

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