Sunday, August 9, 2015

Kills of the Week

When it comes to telling lies, carebears prefer quantity over quality. Although the bot-aspirants greatly enjoy lying to our Agents and everyone else, they tell most of their lies to themselves. Lies like, "I don't need a permit." They ignore the simple truth of the Code: No permit, no ship. Let's see how the carebears suffered from their self-deceptions during the week of August 2nd @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 8th @ 23:59 EVEtime.


An extraordinary number of freighters have been destroyed over the past several months. The two major hauling services, Red Frog and Push Industries, have both been forced to raise their rates. Courier missions are more likely to go unclaimed, especially within the vicinity of New Order fleets.


One unfortunate Push Industries freighter pilot ended up quitting EVE after his 11.5 billion isk freighter was ganked. He never bothered to purchase a permit.



Vee O'nneil's 7 billion isk freighter was taken down by a relatively small group of gankers, Agents Alex Zander505, Kusotarre, Braxus Deninard, Josh Tsutola, Kaobserver4, Placebo Sotken, Styxx7, Insta Podkiller, and Ryvarant. They knew to expect Vee O'nneil and his cargo expanders. Why?


...Because they set him up with a courier contract. The volume was unusually high, so as to force Vee to use cargo expanders and lower his EHP. They were testing him. He failed the test and the courier contract. Unfortunately, Vee's ship was also carrying cargo from 3 other courier contracts, all of which were failed. The combined loss of ship, cargo, and collateral were too much for Vee O'nneil. He biomassed his character and apparently quit EVE. That only creates more opportunities for Code-compliant haulers.



Agent Globby's "hyperdunking" methods have evolved. He shared his secrets with our other Agents, who have been making good use of them, too. Here's a recent example: Galigor got a first-hand demonstration of Globby's new method from Agent Ben Li, who solo-ganked Galigor's 5.8 billion isk freighter using stealth bombers. The New Order's creativity knows no limits!



Wiper Noland thought he'd prepared himself for highsec. His mining Rokh was in little danger of running out of capacitor. The ship's hitpoints, on the other hand, were soon in short supply. Wiper was spotted mining in a 0.6 security system. He thought better of it and relocated... to a 0.5 security system. Agents Lisa Tears, Zula Terra, Mark Eting, Martyr Oira, Get Well Soon, Yabba Dabba Do, and Talon Kreed gave Wiper a much-needed lesson in the proper use of combat ships.



Even command ships become "ships that can't shoot back" when their fits are designed by carebears. Mia Wakoo shocked and outraged Agents Mr Pumo and AeleDeux with her Astarte supercomputer. They ganked the Astarte and Mia's 600 million isk pod. Mia had forgotten that the most important commands are those found in the Code. Even a child could've told her that!



Roux is a ten year old character. She lost a billion isk Hulk to Agents Catalyst Knight and Ann Boncroft. This should've come as no surprise to Roux, given her anti-tank fit, her ORE mining mods, and her lack of a permit. She also happened to be AFK at the time. But when Roux returned to her keyboard a few minutes later, she was ready to read our Agents the riot act.


According to Roux, she was only AFK mining because her boyfriend has multiple sclerosis. She insisted that if she had only been asked first, she would have gladly paid for a mining permit.


...She then refused to buy a mining permit when asked.



MaD MaC was caught engaging in the outdated act of autopiloting in a shuttle. This obsolete practice cost MaD his 2.9 billion isk pod. Agent Aaaarrgg wins the Podkill of the Week award, narrowly edging out a 2.8 billion isk podkill scored by Agent Pod-Goo RepoWoman. That pod was also killed when its owner was caught autopiloting in a shuttle. It's amazing to see people in modern highsec behaving in such a barbaric fashion--and all without permits!

19 comments:

  1. Another victory for Code and the New Order of high sec. Antigankers failing again

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  2. It seems 90% of carebears have a relative or friend with a deadly illness that requires 100% of their time. Maybe they should focus their time on them instead of failing at EVE.

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  3. Great work, Agents!!!

    I know the bears will be crying about the guy who quit... "you made a customer unsubscribe!"

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  4. "Multiple sclerosis" . . . wow, miners' lies know no bounds!

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  5. In before AG tears!

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  6. I wonder what illness will be featured in the next excuse...Legionnaires?

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  7. I've been busy. However, this time I have a treat for you guys.

    Enjoy.

    To the tune of Queen's "Another one bites the dust"

    Oh! Let's go!

    (New Order Perspective)
    An agent flies boldy though the system,
    Warp drive humming and the scanner running,
    No sound except the echo of a podded miner screaming.
    Neutron blasters ready to go.

    Are you ready, hey, are you ready for this?
    Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?
    Out of the dark void the antimatter rips
    To the sound of the beat

    Another miner bites the dust
    Another hauler bites the dust
    And another one gone, and another one gone
    Another one bites the dust
    Hey, I'm gonna get you, too
    Another one bites the dust

    (Victim/AG Perspective)
    How do you think I'm going to get along
    now that you ganked my freighter?
    You took me for everything that I had
    and left me in the cold dark void.

    Are you happy, are you satisfied?
    How long can you stand the heat?
    Out of nowhere the ECM strikes
    To the sound of the beat

    Another agent bites the dust
    Another scammer bites the dust
    And another one gone, and another one gone
    Another one bites the dust
    Awoxer, we're fed up with you, too
    Another one bites the dust

    (Break)
    Another one bites the dust
    Another one bites the dust
    Another one bites the dust
    Another one bites the dust

    (CCP Perspective)
    There are plenty of ways that we can get your money
    Subs and plex, we have a paycheck.
    A GM complaint,
    CODE ganked again,
    In the sandbox, everyone is fair game.

    But I'm ready, yes, I'm ready for you
    Watching for the bonus rooms,
    Ban hammer ready to pounce.

    Oh what's this?

    Another sub bites the dust
    Another sub bites the dust
    And another one gone, and another one gone
    Another sub bites the dust
    It's all working as intended
    Another sub bites the dust

    Another miner bites the dust
    Another agent bites the dust
    Another hauler bites the dust
    Another scammer bites the dust


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hmm.. unusually creative for BM. and none of his usual flame content. I give it 7 out of 10

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    2. BM should record it. There's a longstanding tradition of Eve parody songs. This would be right up there depending on the execution.

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    3. Yeah that's good, especially how it comes from different angels. Nice job BM!

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    4. Positive responses to BM... we have truly entered the twilight zone =p

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  8. The next time I'm bumping an orca and it gets away, I should claim that I had to leave the computer to save a litter of puppies with terminal cancer from a burning building. The orca pilot should have had the decency to wait until I returned!

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  9. How many Purifiers did that take vs how many Catalysts does it normally take?

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    Replies
    1. Only the ship you were currently occupying when the final blow is delivered is recorded on the KM (capsules on KMs being a good example of this.) I would suggest that perhaps a bomber was used to deliver the coup de grĂ¢ce for the #swag factor.

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  10. Typical carebear response.. It's always some else..always another person's fault..never their own. As if lying about illness is supposed to incite some sort of pity or empathy. If you have family members that are that sick or in that dire of need...you are truly a piece of work spending your time on a game rather than assisting with their needs. Who's the a.h. now huh?

    The sooner you accept responsibility for yourselves, the better off everyone will be. Don't blame others for your own short comings...no one forced you to log on...no one forced to to anti tank your ship..or go afk in space. If you were attentive and/or docked...something which only YOU can do..it would have never happened. Now who's fault is it again?

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  11. MS is a terrible disease. If that's not a lie, that sucks, but shouldn't use it as an excuse in a PvP centered game when that person went AFK in an old bling Hulk fit.

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  12. The sweet sound of two more players quitting EVE forever. CODE will soon be no more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. EVE is not a game for a majority of the gaming community. It is a special, special game that may only be enjoyed by the elite.

      CODE. strives to serve the EVE Community by weeding out individuals with little social grace or emotional fortitude, so that the community does not have to "put up" with such ignorance, which threatens to devalue the reputation of this great game.

      Truly, you may consider The New Order the gatekeepers of EVE Online, and the Code itself as literally the document that holds EVE together. Which is why EVE will never die.

      And when it finally does, The Code will live on.

      Delete

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