Tuesday, August 25, 2015

The Newbie Brothers, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... After losing a Retriever to Agent Bellatrix Invicta in a round of glorious PvP, newbie NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers and the other member of his corp, Eskobar Troyun, teamed up to get answers. They invited Bellatrix to a convo and bombarded her with a series of questions about the New Order regime. But they didn't like what they heard.
Bellatrix Invicta > You were stealing James 315s rocks.
Bellatrix Invicta > I can't let that stand.
Eskobar Troyun > who is james
Bellatrix Invicta > WHO IS JAMES?!
Another failure of the tutorial and "new player experience". If you live in highsec, not knowing my name is kind of like not knowing your own name IRL. You won't get very far, and you'll look ridiculous.
Bellatrix Invicta > www.minerbumping.com
Bellatrix Invicta > James 315 is the Savior of Highsec.
Bellatrix Invicta > Democratically elected High Protector of all of Highsec.
Bellatrix Invicta > My personal hero and father figure.
Eskobar Troyun > or destroyer of noobs
Eskobar, like many rebels, cynically attempted to divide the highsec community. In truth, the New Order slaughters plenty of old carebears, too.
Bellatrix Invicta > Noob, veteran, law breaker.
Bellatrix Invicta > These words are all the same.
Eskobar Troyun > yo i get this is role play but not everyone want to die because they just started
Bellatrix Invicta > Don't undock then.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > is justice punishing some crime that they didn't know existed a law that wasn't hurtung anyone
Bellatrix Invicta > Yes.
The newbies couldn't grasp the fact that they were in the wrong. Some people can't imagine themselves as villains, no matter how many despicable things they do. Even when the Code spells it right out for them!
Eskobar Troyun > if you to grow high sec society killing those who never stood a chance forcing them away is not a good way
Bellatrix Invicta > The ones who leave are the ones who never should have been. The rest HTFU.
Bellatrix Invicta > New Eden is a harsh mistress.
Eskobar Troyun > james would be lucky to be saviour of a falling leave if thats how he runs this
Time and time again, the newbies proved that they were all too familiar with the popular carebear talking points. Despite having just joined the game, they feared that EVE would lose subscribers if too many miners were ganked. I know that's the first thing I concern myself with when I start playing a game.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > SO if he really is the protector of high sec why wasn't he protecting me
Bellatrix Invicta > NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers Because you hadn't reached out to him.
Bellatrix Invicta > But now, thanks to me, you have.
Eskobar Troyun > i didnt die and i dont give a fuck
There was a conflict of interest between the newbie brothers. One had lost a ship, the other had (as of yet) lost nothing. Eskobar frankly admitted that he didn't feel he had a stake in the system. NightStalkerTheSecond, duly chastened by his Retriever loss, was more willing to listen.
Bellatrix Invicta > And keep it civil, I've been nothing but polite.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > yah eskobar
Eskobar Troyun > minus thte sass and meaning killing
Bellatrix Invicta > Killing is emotionless.
Bellatrix Invicta > And my sass is justified.
Bellatrix Invicta > I know you're mad at me.
Bellatrix Invicta > I just want you to realize that if it wasn't me, today, it would have been someone else soon.
Gradually, everyone in the convo became comfortable with the new dynamic: Bellatrix, as an Agent of the New Order, was in a position of authority over the miners. She was their teacher and ever-patient mentor.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > so killing it's emotionless correct
Bellatrix Invicta > For me, yeah.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > i would think higher of james based on how great you make him sound that he would hire someone without empathy
Bellatrix Invicta > I don't know mercy. I don't know pity. I don't know compassion. What I do know is that I follow The Code fervently and I do James 315s work.
Bellatrix Invicta > I know empathy.
Bellatrix Invicta > Even sympathy.
Bellatrix Invicta > Hence my talking to you.
The rebels and skeptics accuse us of "harvesting tears" and "trolling" and "griefing" the miners we gank. If they'd bother to read the conversations, they would understand that we're doing the miners a favor.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > so lets talk were am i safe for afk mining
Bellatrix Invicta > Absolutely nowhere in Highsec.
Bellatrix Invicta > Put that thought right out.
Bellatrix Invicta > And AFK anything in Eve is a VERY bad idea.
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > i was just tabbed out playing another game cus i find mining boring. why is this wrong
At last, a rapport was established. Right on cue, the ganked miner began to confess his crimes.
Bellatrix Invicta > If it's boring, why are you doing it?
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > cus it's the best way to make isk at the point i was at
Bellatrix Invicta > No.
Bellatrix Invicta > Absolutely wrong.
Bellatrix Invicta > Did your corp tell you that?
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > no. i lead my corp no one told me that there is only two people in my corp me and my freind
The newbies were adrift in a sea of chaos. In the future, the presence of the New Order will be felt by every player at every moment in every system of highsec. For now, highsec is filled with carebears who need rescuing. But at least the newbies hadn't joined a large PvE corp where they could be exploited by a money-grubbing CEO.
Bellatrix Invicta > Lowsec Faction Warfare is the single best way to make money and learn PVP in Eve.
Bellatrix Invicta > Or even nullsec belt ratting/anom ratting.
Bellatrix Invicta > Mining is boring like you said. Don't pay $15/mo to play another game offline.
Bellatrix Invicta > Which is what you're doing =\
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > yes but that is not safe high sec is safer
Our Agent strongly encouraged the miners to stop traveling down the path to bot-aspirancy. The miner admitted he was scared.
Bellatrix Invicta > No.
Bellatrix Invicta > Highsec is not safer.
Bellatrix Invicta > Because of me.
Bellatrix Invicta > People in null care about standings, and all of that. I don't.
Bellatrix Invicta > I'll shoot a corpmate.
Bellatrix Invicta > And have!
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > why can't i mine in peace
Eskobar had quieted down. Meanwhile, Bellatrix seemed to be making some progress with the ganked miner.
Bellatrix Invicta > Well, you can.
Bellatrix Invicta > I can't be everywhere.
Bellatrix Invicta > But why have no risk for your ISK?
Bellatrix Invicta > What are you going to do with it?
Bellatrix Invicta > Mining fleet to get more ISK?
Bellatrix Invicta > Then what?
NightStalkerTheSecond Hellbringers > hmmmmmm
Now the miner was put to the test. Every carebear who turns his life around has, at some point, been forced to ask himself what the point of isk-grinding is. Would NightStalkerTheSecond open his eyes? Or would he descend deeper into the mire of carebearism?

To be continued...


  1. The CODE always wins! Always!

    Butthurt always whines! Always!

  2. I really do hope this miner heeds the word of Bellatrix Invicta and decides to purchase a permit- or even better- decides that indeed, mining is boring and useless, and that a life is much better spent upholding the Law of Highsec and following the precepts set forth by Supreme Protector James 315, and ganking miners.

  3. "i was just tabbed out playing another game cus i find mining boring. why is this wrong"

    Sometimes I truly wonder at the vacuousness of the carebear mind ....

  4. Thanks the powers of New Eden that the NO exists and teaches the ignorant the errors of their ways.

  5. To these guys' credit they're being relatively level-headed. No racial slurs or terrorist analogies. Maybe there's hope for them.

    1. Of course they are level headed, they were speaking with me. I bring a certain calm to any conversation I'm part of. It's a thing.

  6. First the most important point: I'm not part of CODE. And I'd like to say this to the raging miners:

    For the last hour I've been zipping around systems seeking out new players.
    I've encountered 2 retrievers, 1 mining velator(!), and several ventures belonging to players that are 1 month old or over, all in 0.5 or 0.6 systems. Only one of them did a runner when I locked them, and clearly a couple were AFK because their rock had disappeared.
    "You shoot defenceless ships". Yeah well you're defenseless by choice I'm afraid.

    So I've been convo'ing players less than 2 weeks old and are mining.
    I convinced one player he should find a corp and he said he'll consider low sec exploration.
    I helped a week old-er with finding the SoE missions, at least to get her off the starting blocks. She was warping there as soon as I'd said it. She said she intends to try low sec once she's figured out the basic mechanics.
    And I explained the potential income and excitement of FW to another player and he said he shall consider it.
    I like to hope I've helped 3 people of the world prolongue their eve experience.

    I didn't blow any of these lot up BTW. I did give them 5 mil isk if they responded positively.

    Interacting with new players is a great thing to do and you can help shape their eve career, if only to say "When you get bored of mining, don't give up, try something else. Spend that isk! You can fit a t1 frig, get insurance and when you lose it you'll only be 300k down".
    I don't blow anyone up though I do plan to gank a few more-experienced AFKers. What Bellatrix and other helpful CODE. members do is a good thing. It's a hard and fast lesson in how EVE can and will f*$k you over, and then an education in things that aren't boring.

    And you know once you do get into what the game offers, you go around seeking out newbies to help out because you want them to experience the thrills you have.

    If you wanna mine, that's fine by me, but realise there's a game out there so massive that after 2 years of at least an hour a day, I still haven't done half the things on offer. Go get blown up (with a ship that can shoot back) once in a while. The rush is exhilerating.

    And if you really do wanna mine long term, accept eve as it is rather than begging CCP to change it to what you want eh. After all, some of you aren't even watching the game..

  7. Bellatrix, you are such a nice person! Would you like to marry me and have my children? You would be such a good mother and educator to them!

    1. I am, aren't I?

      No, I will not marry you.

      But, I would, wouldn't I?!

  8. Anyone else betting on "deeper into the mire?"

  9. CODE are about the only people playing Eve correctly. Role playing..in an RPG. Interacting with others...in an MMO. CCP has failed the players. They have created a broken system where remaining a newb forever is rewarded- guaranteeing players will be stuck doing newb activities in newb space (high sec), adding nothing to the game until they quit of boredom. CCP has never done a thing to help players progress beyond trial acct activities. Most just mine endlessly and never leave high sec simply because they have no idea how to progress, and no motivation to do so.
    All CODE does is make players progress. They teach the same lessons that E-Uni does, but without having to join a group that tells you when you can and cannot undock. Tanking a ship, using your map and D-Scan, running intel channels, fleeting up, even....dread....fighting back. This was all supposed to be CCP's job and they failed miserably at it for more than a decade.
    By making high sec dangerous, there is no reason for players to remain there forever. If you are going to be blown up anyway, might as well progress to low and null sec/WH and die for better rewards and content.
    CODE has done more to make new players and lifelong carebears better at Eve than any of CCP's weak 'new player experience' garbage.
    When I lower myself to actually enter high sec these days (it smells funny there and the exotic dancers all have cold sores) what I see is players that actually understand Eve mechanics far better than I did as a newb years ago. It's not hyperbole to say that I wish CODE existed when I started playing Eve, wish they had ganked me until I learned how to tank, how to D-Scan, how to fight back. It would have been far more interesting than the 'new player experience' that I suffered thru- only staying with Eve this long because I left high sec and died over and over until I could survive, even prosper.
    Whether you enjoy the role play of 'religious zealot' or not- they provide a far better instruction on this game than CCP has ever come up with on their own.


Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.