Tuesday, August 18, 2015

The Stages of Grief, Gamis Edition


Indeed! Led by Agent Kalorned, New Order forces scored a dazzling series of victories in the Gamis area over the last few months. Highsec is closer than ever to experiencing absolute domination. It has become abundantly clear that one day every man, woman and child in highsec will be consumed by the Code, in thought and deed. What will that look like? Let's view highlights from the @NewOrderGamis Twitter feed to find out.


The first reaction to the presence of a New Order Agent in local is resistance. But "resistance" is a generous term. It usually comes in the form of "someone else should do something".


When the "someone else" fails to materialize, resistance breaks down quickly.


But what if the "someone else" does stand up and present himself? In almost every instance, the self-appointed rebel leader spouts a few threats in local and then goes AFK.


Sometimes they promise to return, but don't hold your breath while you wait!


After it becomes apparent that the New Order cannot be defeated through the use of in-game means, the appeals to CCP begin in earnest.


A cottage industry of space lawyers pops up. Carebears can't believe that CCP would allow the New Order to take over highsec, where the vast majority of EVE players reside.


But the petitions fail to produce a result. That's when the carebear psyche can take a dark turn.


Harok Bunkers fantasized about Kalorned getting shot. But do carebears hope Kalorned gets "shot" in-game?


Okay, they want our Agent to be shot by a "gun", but do they mean an in-game gun?


Ah. I see.


Our Agents prevail against the in-game "resistance", the petitions, and the real-life threats. After that, the carebears can only offer excuses for being AFK. (Or maybe the miners vomit at their keyboards.)


When all hope is gone, the tears become purified. The carebears express pure hatred and outrage, distilled of threats and promises of revenge.


The final stage of a carebear's grief is acceptance. They finally learn to embrace the Code, or they quit the game.


Unfortunately I didn't find a good tweet of a carebear embracing the Code, so here's another quitter. Until next time!

33 comments:

  1. As soon as I read the part of the title "Gamis Edition", I knew I was in for a hearty LOL

    Props to Kalorned, as usual!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. He sure gets some good tears. He's like a carebear juicer.

      Delete
    2. 'A cottage industry of space lawyers pops up.'
      Where is veers these days.
      Veers tears best tears!

      Delete
    3. That's why when we started bumping him, he left the system.

      Delete
  2. Kalorned is the best. Keep doing what your doing man.

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  3. Every time a miner wishes RL death upon one of us and 100 more deny it ever happened, we will forever have Kalorned here to show the miners and carebears that they are wrong.

    Is it really so much to ask to have citizens of highsec follow a very simple set of standards? Standards designed to enhance your experience in New Eden. I swear on the name of James 315, praise onto him, that my Light Neutron Blaster II's will never rest idle until His vision of highsec has been achieved.

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  4. I don't know why, but this entire article is much better when you read the tweets while humming the "mission: impossible" theme song in ur head.

    Don't believe me? Try it.

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  5. You know, I personally hate the code, the new order, what it stands for, and the way they go about doing their business. However, I cannot condone issuing real life death threats and wishing someone harm over a game. I really don't want to say this, but posting this crap on TWITTER is not only a bad idea, but the utmost in stupidity. We have seen time and time again where people go off half-cocked on social media and it comes back to bite them.

    Seriously people, it's a game. Calm down, both code agents AND miners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can't say better than this.

      Delete
    2. I have heard similar concerns from others about the operation of the twitter feed, however I feel the benefits outweigh the risks in exposing individuals who would otherwise get away with saying terrible things. It is not enough in my opinion to silently petition these individuals and leave CCP to their completely hidden process to deal whatever reprimand they may. In publishing the comments on twitter, I am forcing that particular character name to own up to their comments, they become public domain rather than a silent note in CCP's file somewhere.

      Delete
    3. Of course bm thinks it is a bad idea to post proof of how immature his kind really is.
      Come on bm. Lets hear some of those gems you spout on these forums. Kiddie rape, kiddie porn, lies and misinformation.
      And do it from 3 alts so there is no doubt we are getting the best tears.
      Let the sperg begin

      Delete
    4. What?! This is a game????? Well guess my wife better postpone that trip to the mall to spend a ton of ISK!

      Delete
    5. "Of course bm thinks it is a bad idea to post proof of how immature his kind really is.
      Come on bm. Lets hear some of those gems you spout on these forums. Kiddie rape, kiddie porn, lies and misinformation."

      QFT

      You need to take your own advice, BM.

      Delete
    6. It is funny that Butthurt Miner thinks it is ok to post kiddie porn and child molestation stories, but has a moral quandry about quoting nasty little inbred fucks on Twittwer.
      I guess he is afraid that someone will quote him there soon, if not already.

      Delete
    7. If you look back at my posts, where did I post kiddy porn and child molestation stories? Oh, that's right, you can't because I didn't.

      I know there's a lot of role playing that goes on here. So I do my part by playing the shitposting troll. Some of you think that I'm being serious, but I'm doing it for the effect. That's how I have fun here. This forum has no real consequence in real life, other than our enjoyment of reading it and reading the posts of, I'll admit, some very interesting people. In the end though, it's just game which has no real significance in real life and everything on here is just words.

      Besides, I have collected quite a few responses to my trolling over the two years or so that I have been posting on here and I have to admit that I had fun doing it as well as reading the responses to those trolls.

      BM

      Delete
    8. @ 140. BM
      Yea sure. Try harder to make excuses for your actions. Your posts have been some of the nastiest on this site, and according to your AG friends, what you do online is wht you are in RL.
      Do you like being a child molester in RL?
      How bout an incestuous corpse fucker?
      Thays what you play on the net, thats what you are Rl.
      So sayeth the AG bible on harassment!
      Hallelujah and Amen fuckers!

      Delete
    9. I like this new attitude that Dywisa has taken toward the AG community. Perhaps he has finally understood that the toxicity that is the AG community needs to be fought. And there are none more stalwart to erasing this abomination than the New Order.

      Delete
    10. You know what they say : imitation is the best form of flattery.

      Ming, i didn't think you would lower yourself to try and post in my name. Then again, you're just a code guy, obviously you can lower yourself.

      Next time, Ming or whatever anon who did this, try your best to imitate my writing style :)

      Also, here's a tip : i never comment about slippery things with sexual tones.

      Delete
    11. Here's a tip, Dywisa. It ain't me.

      Delete
  6. I reported @newordergamis on Twitter for harassment and threats. It's a game and anyone who takes it to the next level like this deserves everything that happens to them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GL. Twitter is a fan of whistleblowers, and Kalorned is exposing the kind of behaviour tolerated by GMs in Eve as a way of enacting change.

      Delete
    2. How is quoting what people actually said harassment?

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    3. You do not have their permission! It dont matter what they said, it was probably due to being harassed in game.
      Ganking is bullying and harassment! And if you post their comments to Twitter you are breaking privacy laws.
      EvE will die soon because of the new order, and i will be there to laugh at all the codies with nowhere to go gank, as no other game allows harassment!
      And you can all kiss my ass. I will soon publish my opus on child rape and become all powerful!

      Signed BM.
      I am too lazy to log in for this crap. You can all go to hell!
      I should call the authorities on all of you for supporting harassment, it is sooo much more evil than child rape!

      Delete
    4. What are you even Talking about N?

      Delete
    5. Yeah N. You need to "Calm down."

      Delete
    6. Well N. They say that impersonation is the finest form of flattery.

      BM.

      Delete
    7. @;1:45
      Is that why BM impersonates kiddie fuckers?
      Oh wait, thats is not impersonation.

      Delete
    8. Fail troll is fail.

      Your attempts to insult me have failed. It's just another post added to my collection. Did you know that there is a trolling scorecard? Every time you attack me, that just brings my score up higher and higher with respect to my peers, of which you are not one. I know you are not Dywisa, "N", so why don't you post with a name other than Anonymous? Coward? I at least let people know who I am, even if it is a handle.

      BM

      Delete
    9. Looks like some code idiot is having fun with impersonating BM and Dywisa/N

      That is quite childish. Proof is made that Code is no better than AG...

      Delete
    10. yes, because you clearly presented irrefutable proof that it's a CODE person posting anon shit...

      Delete
    11. @ 518 and 519
      I win you child molesting freak. You might claim your scorecard is growing, but i win everytime you post a reply to anything on this site, you kiddie fucker. Nasty twat

      Delete
    12. Impersonator, i demand you calm down. :)

      Delete
  7. Great write up.

    All of those miners need to just calm down.

    ReplyDelete

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