Wednesday, August 15, 2018

The Porpoiseless Miner, Part 1

You've heard of Orcas, but have you heard of their wretched little cousin, the Porpoise?


Don't worry about the details--Porpoises go boom like any other mining ship.


Kynthia Loren lost her Porpoise when a fleet of Code enforcers dropped a pile of Catalysts on her. Yet she didn't seem to mind.


Our Agents weren't buying it. They'd seen plenty of miners who try to feign indifference while seething on the inside.


Even so, Kynthia gave off a strange aura of detachment. But why?


The miner's comments suggested that she had either become a nihilist or a fatalist, or both.


Typically, a mining ship is a carebear's most prized possession. Kynthia, on the other hand, made it sound like she didn't even like having a Porpoise--like she was glad she'd been ganked.


Our Agents harbored doubts about the miner's attitude. She was irrational, not merely apathetic.


Agent Drugs McFarland raised another point: Some miners don't care about their ships, but losing implants really stings.


The gankers had taken Kynthia's pod, too. She had a set of learning implants--and that little bauble on the bottom right, a Mining Foreman Mindlink.


Kynthia expressed total disinterest in the implants she'd lost. There was something off about this miner.


To the gankers' amazement, Kynthia declared that she'd intended to lose her stuff from the very beginning. It was all part of her plan.


Kynthia was among the most nihilistic miners that our Agents had ever come across. Could they find a way to make her feel something--anything? And could they get a permit sale from such a strange miner?

To be continued...

35 comments:

  1. The lack of emotion ... This poor miner is dead inside. We must be extra vigilant as this is clearly a long-term side effect of staring at space rocks for hours on end. The asteroids are more or less lobotomizing capsuleers!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nah, highsec shitters are born that way.

      Veldspar is just a rock.

      Mining it from the safety of an air-conditioned cockpit in highsec points to a preexisting condition know as carebearism.

      #dontblamecookedrocksbro

      Why do I type like this?

      Will none of my "friends" correct me?

      Or do they just laugh behind my back?

      Delete
  2. "Nothing to gain from fighting back. I'm going to die one way or another."

    Then you don't deserve EVE, you useless shitter.

    GTFO carebear bitches.

    #brobrobros

    ReplyDelete
  3. "Alt 00 21, 2018 at 12:09 AM
    It is neither glitch, nor exploit. Fortuitously Alt 00, in her infinite compassion, is willing to teach you how to execute this manoeuvre."


    DOH!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i keep seeing this in the comments, what is it a reference to?

      Delete
    2. Some guy named Zopiclone claimed there's a way to avoid Concord

      Delete
    3. And then spent 2 years arguing with his alts in the minerbumping comments section.

      Delete
    4. That shitter, alt 00, claims he knows how to manipulate highsec mechanics to avoid death by CONCORD.

      Needless to say, he has yet to prove it. Mostly because it can't be done, and only shitters believe it's a thing.

      Always!

      Delete
  4. "I would have bought it (mini orca) for 50mill."

    And used it to mine highsec ore like a coward no doubt.

    Highsec shitters will never change.

    #deadminerbrobestminerbro

    #shartdanididntwantthatkidanyway

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonafakeagent is triggered by people he can only admire through autistic rage.

      Keep refreshing and stay mad.

      REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

      Delete
    2. You "reeeee" like a pro.

      It's your natural state.

      Why you so mad?

      Delete
  5. Meh seems made up

    ReplyDelete
  6. RageAnon should buy a permit and calm down.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
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