Saturday, January 12, 2019

Four Autopiloters You'll Meet in Highsec, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent ST0NER SMURF of Vrix Nation corp has been busy. The bot-aspirant autopiloters of highsec, on the other hand, have been lazy--and reckless. In studying these Code-violating malefactors, we discovered that they're quick to deploy F-bombs. Are they capable of anything else?

In the past, we've seen that autopiloters like Camyla Monica Jiang take their pod losses quite seriously, even in cases where the pod was completely devoid of implants. However, many carebears refuse to give their gankers the satisfaction of showing how much they care. Indeed, they frequently go out of their way to give off an air of indifference.

The most cliché response in this vein: I'm glad you ganked my pod because it got me to my destination sooner.

In reality, we know that this is (yet another) carebear lie. Those who truly wish to take the "Pod Express" don't need a ganker's help.

A more amorphous response: "You're a 'noob' for ganking me." Presumably, a skilled, experienced player is incapable of destroying the carebear's ships.

Then there is the classic: "I'm winning the isk war when you gank me." And yet, after experiencing the gank, the carebear is much more careful. Why does he stop autopiloting?

Again, if the carebear is winning, why change tactics? The answer is that the carebear is a creature of deception and (more especially) self-deception.

"He defeated me in PvP? Must be a noob, then."

Agent ST0NER SMURF sends out surveys to each of his gank recipients. Most of them fail to fill out the paperwork, but not all:

A confession of guilt accompanied by a claim that his loss was already replaced. We don't need Big Data to tell us that this was a bot-aspirant.

The Code is only impossible to follow if you're a Goofus. Everyone else obeys the rules without the slightest difficulty. In fact, good EVE players enjoy obeying the Code.

Almighty Freighter can't understand why he received a message from Agent ST0NER SMURF. After all, ST0NER SMURF never ganked him...

...Except for the time when ST0NER SMURF ganked him. This was likely a case of faulty memory, since the carebear didn't send his reply until nearly a month after the event. Must've been AFK.

Imagine not realizing that getting a free rookie ship is unrelated to being ganked. Then imagine bringing a rookie ship to Jita so you can sell it there.

It must be awful to live as a Goofus.

To be continued...


  1. Do you not speak english [sic] as a first language? Your grammar is terrible. I would offer to correct the doccument's [sic] grammar for the price of 70 million isk(Considering [sic] it's [sic] length) and send you back a copy.

    1. So the CHODE. slave "Professor" is an English Major/Grammar Nazi.

  2. Oh my gosh that is funny! The last bit especially! Keep up the good work agents! XD

  3. "Imagine bringing a rookie ship to Jita so you can sell it there."

    Truly evil.

    1. Truly benevolent!

      Jita is one of the best places in the Savior's domain for such rookies to learn many important lessons.

    2. Truly hillarious!

      Praise James and his awesome sense of humour!

  4. Praise James for the Smurfs! \o/

  5. This is a little unfair. I mean Prof. Lawson is a PROFESSOR in addition to being an elite PvPer.

    1. Elite pvper....

      You know I keep hearing that term around here, and I don't think anyone here knows what that word actually means.

    2. Which word of the two do you need help with understanding miner, elite or pvper?

      Firstly, speak for yourself instead of others when claiming ineptitude, the term elite is reserved for a select group, ie, agents of the new order.

      Pvper is a term you miners only use when one or more of you aim mining lasers on the same rock at a time, however, that is incorrect and is reserved once again for an upper echelon of players who overwhelmingly dispatch the ships of criminals.

      If you ask me the term should be trade marked and used only when addressing an agent of the new order as the only players worthy of the term are to be found foghting for high sec and it's saviour James 315.

  6. The hunt for Chodeanon is coming soon...

    We will find him.

  7. I wonder how much isk you can make selling rookie ships all day. I am sure some carebears have done this.

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