Wednesday, January 16, 2019

Four Autopiloters You'll Meet in Highsec, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Grateful gank recipients thanked our Agents for ganking their autopiloting pods. They confessed their crimes and promised henceforth to obey the Code.

"But James 315," you say. "I thought we were going to look at four different categories of autopiloters. It even says so in the title of the post. So how, then, are we on Part 5?"

Read on.

Not all of the tearmails sent in by gank recipients fall into one of the four "buckets" we looked at in earlier editions of this series.

Should they be taken as signs of creativity or originality? No. These strange shapes are merely the malformed detritus of carebear "thought"--such as it is.

The tearmails we're looking at today don't go into one of the four buckets; they go into the litterbox.

Tearmails written in broken English usually fall into this category--even if you can assemble the vague outlines of the carebear's muddled thoughts.

But it's not about the type of language used, or the carebear's grammar. Tearmails are produced by the carebear's emotions. They're like little sparks that shoot out when a carebear's pod explodes.

One might assume that all such tearmails are fragmented in this way. But as I said, it's not the style--it's the substance that's half baked. See below:

So many words, so little wisdom. A simple "I promise to be better, 10 mill is enclosed" would've been a better choice.

At the core of the Goofus is his belief--fueled by selfish emotions rather than reason--that the destruction of his pod is someone else's fault. All too often, he blames the ganker.

"You defeated me in PvP, so you must be a bad person."

What the carebear should be thinking is, "You defeated me in PvP, so I must have violated the Code. Now it's my job to make amends. GF."

The carebear's ideas are bad, but so are his emotions. He shouldn't be upset to lose a pod while autopiloting, no matter how expensive his implants were. He loses his Capsule, but he gains an audience with a legend: an Agent of the New Order! Carebears, the EVE that our Agents can show you is worth far more than your implants. Listen to ganker.



  1. Highsec is the home of accessible heroes. Agents of the Order are everywhere. You need only ask.

  2. CHODE. slaves are not "legends". They are slaves, toiling for Jamey while mining ore using their many alt accounts.

    1. Chodeanon, we hear you desperate pleas for content and we've organized a search and rescue operation just for you!

      Praise James! \o/

    2. Wow, for a beta male miner who comes here daily to cry, that amounts to 12 weekends of non stop mining, urinating in empty pepsi bottles to avoid being ganked by the new order.

      This is huge for saltychodeanon.

      Will he call in the carpet cleaners to remove those stains that inevitably come from running to the toilet and failing if he wins?

    3. It's actually getting to be pretty funny.

    4. The Saviour has always taken a dim view of highsec mining.

      "Anyone should automatically recognize that everything about highsec mining is antithetical to the spirit of Eve." —James 315, Manifesto I, Dec. 2011

    5. Actually it is Jamey and his CHODE. slaves who are so obsessed they play Eve while urinating in empty Pepsi bottles and have their Mom bring down a bucket to the basement so they can shit in it. All for the "glory" of ganking some "bot aspirant". Oh and this is while multiboxing their alt miners as well.
      What hypocrites.

    6. Calm down miner.

    7. Calm down and have your Mom help empty your bowels, ganker and CHODE. slave.

  3. Praise James for the Smurfs and all the other legends of High Sec!

  4. wow just wow antiganking is failing so hard right now. hope they dont do a kalynn shardani (antiganking moderator and thomas's friend he would RMT donations with)

    1. I wonder if that was a component of guilt for shardani when he murdered his minor?

      Besides the fact he failed to actually stop any ganks.

  5. Did you guys have your sense of humor removed surgically? Does James not allow humor?

    1. Im laughing at you right now, so nope.

    2. Good to hear. Laughter is really the best response to much of what is getting posted here.


  6. السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته اما بعد ، اهالي المنطقبة الشرقيه بالمملكة العربية السعوديه يسر شركة شام للخدمات المنزليه ان تعلن لجميع اهالي المنطقه عن بدأ تقديم خدماتها الخاصه بالمسابح للموسم الصيفي الجديد وذلك من خلال فروعا في مدينة الدمام ومدينة الخبر ومدينة القطيف ومدينة الجبيل ، واما عن فرعنا في مدينة الدمام فسوف تجدونه علي المتصفح تحت اسم
    شركة تنظيف مسابح بالدمام
    وايضا تحت اسم
    شركة صيانة مسابح بالدمام
    مقترنا برقم هاتف مندوبنا بالدمام لذل فللفحصول علي اي خدمه تخص المسابح تنظيفها او تشغيلها او صيانتها فليس عليك الا التصال بنا وسوف نصلك فورا ، واما اذل كنت من اهل مدينة الخبر وتحتاج الي ان تستفيد من خدماتنا في مدينة الخبر فسوف تجدنا علي المتصفح تحت اسم
    شركة صيانة وتنظيف مسابح بالخبر
    وفي هذا الفرع نسعد بتقديم كل الخدمات التي تخص المسابح لاهالي الخبر من خدمات تنظيف او صيانة او تشغيل برك السباحه ،ولاننا قد عملنا في شركة شام علي تغطية المنطقة الشرقيه كافه فقد حرصنا علي ان يكون لنا فرع في مدينة القطيف يختص بتقديم خدمات المسابح لجميع اهالي مدينة القطيف والذي سوف تجدونه علي المتصفح تحت مسمى
    شركة تنظيف وصيانة مسابح بالقطيف
    وهنا سوف تجدون كل ما يخص المسابح من خدمات تنظيف المسابح بالقطيف وصيانتها وتشغيلها ‘واما عن مدينة الجبيل فلنا ايضا هناك فرع يختص بتقديم خدمات المسابح لجميع اهالي الجبيل من تنظيف وصيانه وتشغيل وهذا الفرع سوف تجدونه علي المتصفح تحت اسم
    شركة صيانة وتنظيف مسابح بالجبيل
    بهذا اعزائي نكون في شركة شام قد استطعنا ان نغطي كافة انحاء المنطقة الشرقيه وتقديم كافة خدمات المسابح التي يحتاجها اهالي المنطقه باحدث الاساليب والطرق العلميه وباستخدام افضل مواد التنظيف واحسن اجهزة ومعدات الصيانه والتعقيم ، فلا تقلق عزيزي العميل ولا تحتار فشركة شام هي افضل اختيار .


      what happens to you when you enter somebody elses territory.

    2. Why do you write with worms?

    3. I think he sharpens his nose and uses it as a pencil and the lines come from the air blowing under his magic carpet whilst trying to keep his head still.

      Like an arab version of mr squiggle.

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