Tuesday, January 1, 2019

Before I Forget, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... Kondonkle III BompdinkinII wasn't feeling the holiday spirit when he lost some small ships to Agent Slutzilla. Despite Slutzilla's valiant efforts to teach him the game, the miner threatened to quit EVE.

Kondonkle had told Slutzilla that he was no longer interested in mining cheap ore in 1.0 security systems. Luckily, our Agent had an alternative.

Joining the New Order and ganking miners is a far better way to spend one's days in EVE. If you grind isk instead, you'll pile up a bunch of assets that our Agents will have to take away from you anyway.

After five months in EVE, Kondonkle was still badly misinformed about the mechanics of ganking. Someone had been feeding him misinformation.

Agent Slutzilla rolled up her sleeves and went to work correcting the miner's misconceptions.

Nevertheless, a question remained: If Kondonkle got all the facts, would he change his ways? Or would he remain a Goofus regardless?

The Anti-Gankers and their ilk claim to care about newbies. In reality, they do their best to keep new players in ignorance. The advocates of carebearism want the miners to be weak and helpless--or else the miners will start ganking each other.

Slutzilla told the miner that it was time to put away his childish ignorance. She gave him the Code.

In response, Kondonkle offered up a bitterly disappointing reply. He didn't want to change. He was too lazy.

No matter how disgusting or worthless a miner may appear, they are all given the opportunity to buy permits and embrace the Code.

Now was the moment of truth...

...And the truth was that Kondonkle was, and would remain, a Goofus.

The miner had seemed to be absorbing at least some of the things Slutzilla taught him about EVE's mechanics. Beneath the surface, however, his bottled-up rage was only barely contained. He erupted.

The miner's fury was terrible. But, as with all miners, his anger hurt only himself.

Miners, get licensed or get rekt. Do you really want to be the next Kondonkle III BompdinkinII?


  1. wow just wow antiganking failing ANOTHER player.

  2. With enough digging, the angry core of a miner will eventually be unearthed!

  3. A man walks outside on a planet that has a very bright sun, and is immediately blinded. Do you blame the sun for blinding him, or do you blame the man for not wearing sunglasses?

    A miner undocks in a system filled with gankers, and is immediately ganked. Do you blame the ganker for killing him, or do you blame the miner for undocking without protection?

  4. Imagine being six months old and unable to afford a simple mining permit. I wouldn't invest too much emotional energy into Kondonkle III BompdinkinII. He is suffering from failure to adapt compounded by being a bonehead and that's almost always incurable.

  5. Just keep popping the spaceborne zit.

  6. Jamey supposedly wrote: "Miners, get licensed or get rekt."

    Don't know what the word "rekt" means, but I have paid no CHODE. extortion fee and made several billion isk during the month of December. All mining in various high security systems while watching sporting events on TV. Not a CHODE. slave to be seen. They still are irrelevant to the vast majority of EO denizens.

    1. A plea for help!

      Don't worry miner. I am on my way to save you! I will not stop until I find you and you are set free from your slavery!

  7. Slutzilla tells miner to put away his childish ignorance, then proceeds to call a group of people "pussies".
    James, you need to work with your followers to help them develope adult vocabulary like your senior agents use; you can tell you are dealing with CODE's best agents when their discussion is clever, concise, and with a touch of whimsy thrown in. Please codify agent training.

  8. What a shameful goofus.


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