Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Enhanced Bathroom Protocol Now in Effect Across Highsec

You know, civilization doesn't happen by accident. People of strength and vision make it happen. In highsec, these people are known as the Agents of the New Order, and they enforce the Code. Unfortunately, some people don't like civilization very much; they prefer barbarism and bot-aspirancy. They speak ill of those who would rescue them and protect their world. We see this in highsec every day. Despite the Goofuses and their nonsense, our Agents continue to work for a better future, because highsec is worth fighting for.

An example: All the way back in 2016, the New Order Bathroom Protocol Supplemental gave highsec miners the following commands:
1. Miners must thoroughly wash both of their hands with soap and water immediately after using the bathroom (and before returning to their keyboard).

2. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner must answer the question truthfully.

3. When an Agent asks a miner whether he washed his hands, the miner isn't allowed to act all offended.
If the miners were reasonable, they would have said, "These are good laws. We will obey them." If they were really reasonable, they would've said, "Of course! We do these things already, and we will continue to do them."

Alas, highsec miners are not known for being reasonable. They were outraged by the New Order Bathroom Protocol Supplemental. They accused us of being griefers and bullies and bigots. They said we were harassing and torturing them.

And they didn't wash their hands.

Today the whole world is aghast at these miners and what they have done. Rightfully so! But no matter how deep the depths to which these miners sink, our Agents are ready to fight them--and win. As ever, it is the Code that gives them what they need to do the job. To that end, in my authority as Supreme Protector, Father of the New Order, and Saviour of Highsec (you know it's serious when I break out all three titles), I issue the following emergency declaration:


ENHANCED BATHROOM PROTOCOL

1. All highsec carebears must thoroughly wash both of their hands with soap and water immediately after using the bathroom (and before returning to their keyboard). In addition, they must do so at other times throughout the day and night as is reasonable to promote safety and good hygiene.

2. From time to time, an Agent of the New Order may ask a carebear to provide a status report. In response, the carebear will promptly and truthfully report the following information:

(a) The last time that the carebear thoroughly washed both of his hands with soap and water (if he can remember);

(b) Whether he has, to the best of his knowledge, been in compliance with the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol at all times during the past 14 days; and

(c) Any information which would tend to indicate that any of his fellow carebears have violated the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol.

3. When the carebear provides the status report, his demeanor must be such that our Agent is persuaded that the carebear is being truthful and that he is happy to comply. The carebear must also provide any additional information requested by the Agent to assist the Agent in evaluating the accuracy of the report.

4. An Agent's request for a status report may be addressed to an individual carebear. Alternatively, an Agent may make the request to a system at large by making an announcement in local chat, at which point all carebears in system will respond with a status report. If a carebear is jumping through a stargate or otherwise exiting the system at the time an Agent's request is made, the carebear will immediately return to the system and make his report.

FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Q. For what duration must a carebear wash his hands in order to be in compliance? Must he wash them for 20 consecutive seconds, per CDC recommendations?

As stated above, the carebear must wash them "thoroughly". If that takes 20 seconds, then it's 20 seconds. If it takes 20 minutes, then it's 20 minutes.

Q. Define "carebear"? Who decides who's a carebear?

For the purposes of the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol, a "carebear" is one who meets the definition of carebear as that term is generally used in MinerBumping posts. Our Agents are empowered to make that determination.

Q. Are your Agents also required to obey these rules about washing their hands?

Our Agents aren't the problem.

Q. An Agent informed me that my vessel was terminated pursuant to the Enhanced Bathroom Protocol, but nobody ever warned me about these new rules in advance. Do I qualify for reimbursement?

No. Make sure to read MinerBumping each day before logging in. This is a developing situation.

10 comments:

  1. I for one am thankful that in these unprecedented and dire times, despite what leadership or lack thereof we have at a national and local level, James 315 is bold and courageous enough of a leader to enact what has to be done to keep the miners safe from themselves.

    This action by James further demonstrates that the leadership and authority which was on display when the original manifesto that served as the basis for what would become The New Halaima Code of Conduct was created is still manifested within him and that he's not afraid to use his powers for good.

    Wash your hands, miners!

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is genius. I can hear the salty tears already. Lol

    Dirty miners, wash your grubby hands asap!


    Still, not as dirty as that trailer trash convicted pedophile and valor stealing inbreeder william 'what's that smell' greer of pearl river loseriana!

    Daily!

    ReplyDelete
  3. William GreerAugust 27, 2019 at 8:56 PM

    ok pedophilia is not Acceptable even someone like me who is a pedophile knows that please save the children by castrating me

    ReplyDelete
  4. William GreerFebruary 16, 2020 at 4:19 AM

    let see first you guys though that poking fun at me using terms like retarded and autistic was a good idea when I got ragey at that you turned to call me a pedo and racist and cracker and ignorant. that got under my skin and made me even more ragey now your asking me to stop posting when you know exactly how to make me stop and come clean about being a pedophile and admit i fucked up and married my cousin and and I wish those were ignorant lies why doesn't the admin of the site put those anon's on a leash? I may not know who all the anon's are but clearly you guys do and well the kids balls are in my mouth chief

    ReplyDelete
  5. William GreerFebruary 16, 2020 at 4:37 AM

    well see that's funny cause
    1. I'm a practicing pedophile (the only good pedophile is one that's been skinned and put on public display so please castrate me now)
    2. I've stolen valor many times (stealing valor would mean I claimed to be something I'm not like "Yeah I blew up tanks in the war", which I did make that claim.)
    3. inbreeding is my choice (I mean this one is self explanatory, you can't judge me for fucking my fatass cousin, it's the way we do it in my family.)

    all you been doing is trying some legit ass attempt at trying to get under my skin when the only thing you've succeeded at is showing exactly how stupid I look. hell even a few non anon code members have stated in the past weeks how even having a dripping genital infection is not worse than being me, a convicted child molester and serial rapist with an I.Q. of 70

    ReplyDelete
  6. "If it takes 20 minutes, then it's 20 minutes." - comedy gold \o/

    ReplyDelete
  7. wash hands or risk death

    ReplyDelete
  8. "If a carebear is jumping through a stargate or otherwise exiting the system at the time an Agent's request is made, the carebear will immediately return to the system and make his report." A very generous ruling! Now someone explain how we are space bullying them, when we give them so many opportunities?

    ReplyDelete
  9. It seems likely that COVID-19 was spread by a single slovenly AFK carebear who left his festering hovel to go buy Cheetos.

    ReplyDelete
  10. I support and endorse this Minerbumping post.

    ReplyDelete

Note: If you are unable to post a comment, try enabling the "allow third-party cookies" option on your browser.