The Rumble in Vattuolen, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... I ventured to Vattuolen to commence bumping operations. Illegal miner caveywavey became infuriated, wishing death on me in real life. I resolved to win him over to the Code.

caveywavey claimed that he played EVE to get away from certain kinds of people. That would be a fine reason to play Tetris or some other single-player game, but why join a multiplayer game to get away from people? When you join an MMO, you gotta deal with the people you gotta deal with.

On this occasion, caveywavey would need to deal with me. He repeatedly called me "self-important". He couldn't be more wrong. I am important not because of myself, but because of the power I was entrusted with by everyone else in highsec. I am humbled by the support of the highsec community and the awesome responsibility they gave me.

It's a common misconception--as old as bumping--that as long as I'm bumping one person, I can't bump anyone else. Because miners rely on being in mining range for very long, continuous periods of time, it's quite easy to "juggle" miners. I spotted an illegal Retriever in the asteroid belt and changed course to intercept.

Every time you bump a miner, it's like opening a new present on Christmas morning. You never know whether it will be a cool gift like a signed portrait of myself, or a less-cool gift like a pair of socks. But if a miner starts yellowboxing you when you bump him, that's a sign that his reaction won't be positive. I still hoped that strightnightmare Ornulf would immediately pay me, but this time I didn't roll the hard six.

As I bumped the Retriever, caveywavey slowly chugged back toward the ore. He was calming down a bit, and we seemed to be making some progress.

Though carebears are a superstitious and cowardly lot, they become emboldened when in groups. Miners started coming out of the woodwork to complain about bumps from earlier in the day.

Zuta Styx had finally checked his EVEmail and discovered why he missed out on some mining cycles. If a miner fails to respond in local, I assume they're AFK, and I send them a lovingly copy-pasta'ed form letter. The letters are all unique; the name of the recipient changes.

caveywavey foolishly lectured the Saviour of Highsec on how to save highsec. Pow! Right in the kisser for his troubles.

This unexpectedly raised caveywavey's stress level again, so I broached the subject of his 10 million isk debt in the most cautious and diplomatic manner possible.

Once more, the mob revolted. They criticized me, so I made sure to bring the topic back to where it belonged. Once CCP fixes the risk/reward imbalance in highsec, then we can discuss less-important matters, such as my alleged imperfections.

With the deftness and grace that one expects from an Invincible Stabber, I effortlessly swooped back and knocked strightnightmare out of range again.

He started to lose his cool. Local chat was about to go sour; I have an instinct about these things now.

And there it was. strightnightmare Ornulf threatened to bring his powerful friends into the system and kill me. Blood was about to flow in the asteroid belts of Vattuolen.

To be continued...

Suit Filed Against New Order Agent

Given the toxic attitude of bot-aspirants toward the reigning government of highsec, it's never a surprise when they vent their impotent rage at "the man". All good citizens of highsec know that the proper thing for miners to do is to pay their taxes, keep their heads down, and say "yes sir" or "no sir" when an Agent comes calling. Unfortunately, some carebears would rather abuse the legal system. Normally threats of legal action don't get very far, because few lawyers would be willing to take a Code-violator's case. Who would want to represent a bot-aspirant, after all? But in highsec, there is such a lawyer.

Yes, it's Babatunde B Babatunde, the well-known space lawyer of highsec. From day one, his mission has been to tie up the New Order in red tape and rack up attorney's fees. Highsec ice miner Mikalent got into a dispute with Agents of the New Order, so he immediately contacted Babatunde and told him his story.

Right away, we can tell this is a frivolous lawsuit. Mikalent didn't get more than two sentences into his story before admitting that he was violating the Code by Skyping with his daughter--when he should have been keeping his eyes fixed on local. Hey, I'm all for family values, but at least ask an Agent for permission first. Otherwise, what kind of message are you sending your child?

Because they're protected by attorney-client privilege, clients are encouraged to be totally forthcoming with their lawyers and admit any potential weaknesses in their case. Mikalent confessed that he was "semi-guilty" of AFK mining. Excuse me? The New Order believes in quaint concepts like "right" and "wrong". There are no shades of gray here.

The Agent in question, Mister Manners, passed all background checks with flying colors. No one has any dirt on him. Just look at that bio--clean as a whistle. Obviously he was just doing his job, busting punks.

According to Mikalent, the Agent on duty could find no evidence that Mikalent owned a permit. But since Mikalent had claimed a permit and was guilty of violating the Code, either (a) Mikalent lied about owning a permit, or (b) Mikalent bought a permit but stabbed highsec in the back by turning against the Code. In either case, Red Pen penalty was appropriate, so an additional 20 million was charged.

Mikalent claimed he was falsely accused of a crime--a crime to which he previously confessed--and that he was being extorted. Outrageously, Mikalent also claimed that there is no provision in the Code that allows permits to be revoked...

"Moreover, to ensure the New Order community lives up to my expectations, those who already have purchased indulgences may forfeit their place of honour if they violate the Code." New Halaima Code of Conduct.

Ring any bells?

Mikalent concluded by accusing his friendly neighborhood Agent of discriminating against him and besmirching his name within the community. It's true that the New Order discriminates. We discriminate between good and evil. Since when was it politically incorrect to have the courage to stand up for what you believe in? In the New Order, protecting innocent people and punishing guilty people never goes out of style.

As for besmirching Mikalent's name, there's no way for an Agent to be charged with this. Highsec carebears exist in the shadows, in silence and obscurity. No one knows them. They only interact with the game when the Agents of the Order make them interact with it; carebears have no name or notoriety unless we raise them up from oblivion. In other words, we make the highsec carebears. There's no way to besmirch a carebear's name if he had no name to begin with. Ultimately, Mikalent apparently left highsec to join a nullsec renter alliance, Brothers of Tangra. Their alliance ticker is "B0T". That's good, because we don't need litigious miners in highsec. I'd rather EVE had B0T-aspirants than bot-aspirants.

The Power of the Paintbrush

Varvara M is putting together quite the portfolio of New Order artwork these days. Earlier this week we posted her first poster, and now three more of her canvases have been filled! Let's take a look, shall we?

Click here for full-size version

If only this book existed, we'd be tearing up the charts on Amazon. Though I haven't written a book on the New Order in the traditional sense, I like to think that my life is itself a kind of educational book. Day by day, I write the words on each page with my actions.

Click here for full-size version

I'm fond of this piece. As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. With this painting, Varvara perfectly illustrates the pestilential cancer otherwise known as carebears. The bot-aspirants are vermin. Yet I treat them all with respect because I know they can turn their lives around.

Click here for full-size version

Everyone wants to be an Agent of the New Order these days. Where else can you find such glitz and glamour combined with honour and a real sense of purpose? Luckily, anyone can become an Agent. I may be elite, but I'm not an elitist. Everyone deserves a chance to fight for a better highsec.

Permanent links to all supporter artwork may be found on the Links page.

Payment vs. Compliance

Sometimes EVE players talk about the "butterfly effect", wherein seemingly small actions can have consequences that ripple onward, sometimes significantly. Nobody makes more ripples in highsec than the New Order. Actions taken by individual Agents echo throughout eternity.

Out on patrol, Agent Runeme Shilter spotted a Mackinaw piloted by Darcnite of the CreoDron Logistics corporation. Darcnite was passive-aggressively bullying highsec by mining ice without a permit. Others might look away in horror, but Runeme stared down the menace, unafraid. 'Twas another classic 1v1 duel of gank Catalyst versus exhumer.

Actions have consequences. Sling Shot, acting as the corp's chief liaison, learned about the Code after his corpmate told him of Runeme's heroism. Impressed, Sling came directly to me and purchased 12 mining permits. Victory! Sometimes a miner will send money to the Agent who takes action against him, while other times a miner will send money to the next Agent who visits, or to another Agent entirely. This is why Agents are never discouraged when a miner initially refuses to pay: We believe in paying it forward.

A few hours later, I received a complaint from Sling. He encountered some noble Agents of the New Order who had taken action against his corp for their violations of the Code.

One of the most common attacks made by our skeptics is the idea that we simply extort money from bots, who are then supposedly allowed to continue botting without interference. Not true. Every miner must pay, but he must also continue to follow the Code. A driver's license doesn't allow you to run people over, after all.

I'm always eager to help people who buy mining permits, so I gave Sling some good advice. But then he hinted that his motives in sending me all of that mining permit money might have been less than pure.

Still, I accommodate people from all walks of life. Some EVE players feel uncomfortable swearing allegiance to me. That's cool. If they prefer, they can "affirm" their loyalty to me instead.

I considered the matter settled, but Sling Shot started to weasel around a little bit. I was not encouraged. I began to suspect that he might be a bot-aspirant in permit-holder's clothing. To this day I have yet to hear a good excuse for why someone wouldn't want to pledge loyalty to me. Such refusals only make it easier to betray me later.

When one shoe falls, the other is never far behind--that's gravity for you. Sling Shot confessed that he did not even believe in the Code. *facepalm*

Out of nowhere, Sling Shot asked whether the purpose of the New Order was to encourage CCP to end suicide ganking. I couldn't have been more disappointed. Sling Shot seemed like a pretty smart guy when he was buying mining permits, but his EVEmail demonstrated how little he knew about the game. He didn't understand that (1) CCP already knows about the suicide ganking mechanic, (2) Code violators are not "minding their own business", (3) all mining activity in highsec is the New Order's "business", and (4) gankers suffer the consequences of losing their ship, insurance rights, and security status.

Ever since I announced the creation of the New Order, the word "bully" has been thrown around like a cheap hacky sack. Whether this is due to the incident with The Mittani or because people don't know the meaning of the word "bully", I don't know. In this case, it must have been the latter: Someone who enjoys helping people is a bully? Regardless, the authority of the Code was upheld. Sending money to Agents of the New Order is nice--and necessary--but complying with the Code in thought and deed is even better.

Highsec Confidential

Every so often I get some pro-Order artwork in my mailbox, and I'm always glad for it. In the wake of Erotica 1's record-breaking stock purchases, Varvara M painted this thought-provoking movie poster:

Click here for full-size version

Despite the New Order's noirish appeal, there's nothing confidential about what we do. Agents who save highsec every day can't help but shout it from the rooftops! Find out what all the fuss is about and punish some bad miners in my name today. You won't regret it.

Permanent links to all supporter artwork may be found on the Links page.

Top Supporters for June 2013

Each month, MinerBumping immortalizes its top isk contributors in a hall of fame post. The "Month's Top Supporters" sidebar is reset early in the following month. You can view the August 2012, September, October, November, December, January 2013, February, March, April, and May top 10 lists at the appropriate links.

Here are our top isk contributors for June 2013:

TOP SUPPORTERS
June 2013


#1. Erotica 1
12,000,000,000 isk


#2. Perian StillWalker
500,000,000 isk


#3. Ashley Deeptower
250,000,000 isk


#4. Amyclas Amatin
200,000,000 isk


#4. Mitt Spero
200,000,000 isk


#6. Rickbass4001
150,000,000 isk


#7. Sling Shot
120,000,000 isk


#8. Niikumi Miyu
101,000,000 isk


#9. Moose Beard
100,000,000 isk


#9. Pestario Vargas
100,000,000 isk
If you have ever wondered why the New Order is able to do the fine ganking work that it does, look no further. Such heroes put their isk on the line every day to keep the Catalysts rolling and the carebears dying--but only if they deserve it. I'm speechless every time I think about it.

The New CEO of CCP?

There's been a metric ton of hubbub lately, all thanks to rumors about my being elected the new CEO of CCP. The speculation arose after The Eveion (think "EVE Onion") posted a lengthy article detailing the specifics of how I allegedly rose to power and plan to remake EVE, Dust 514, and World of Darkness in a more emergent-friendly manner. (For Dust 514 and World of Darkness, it would mean scrapping the projects.)

The aforementioned article's credibility was bolstered by the fact that its author, Tubrug1, is a man of honour and was one of the very first to answer the call to bump miners--way back in the early days of the New Order.

First off, obviously it would be unwise to comment on these rumors, and so I can neither confirm nor deny that I will be the new CEO of CCP. But I do feel the need to address some supplementary rumors that are circulating. The following purports to be an excerpt of a chat between myself and Agent Tubrug1:

[07:47:25] Tubrug1 > I heard a rumor
[07:47:34] James 315 > oh?
[07:47:47] Tubrug1 > That CCP Hellmar offered to make you full CEO of CCP with ownership and fistfuls of ISK
[07:48:03] James 315 > not hellmar himself
[07:48:14] James 315 > but someone in the senior dev team came to me yeah

Is this genuine? I can confirm that the above purports to be a chat between myself and Tubrug1, that I posted the purported excerpt to this blog post, and that my confirmation of its purporting to be an authentic chat was also posted.

Hopefully that clears everything up.