Highsec Miner Grab Bag #40

Can you believe this is the fortieth edition of the Grab Bag of highsec miner tears? The anguish of the unrighteous may be limitless. We'll have to continue testing that theory to be certain.

Some call us extortionists, but that can't be the case. Even those who pay must follow the Code. It's difficult for carebears to accept that some things have a value upon which you can't put a price tag.

Protip: If you want to encourage people to collect a bounty on me, you're going to need to give them more than a few days. Maybe a few years, given how infrequently I lose ships (i.e. never). Jayrendo Karr's plan spun out of a distraught miner posting on Reddit.

Actually, I'm frequently the topic of conversation on Reddit. As in EVE, the miners' "someone else do something about it" attitude prevails.

It's good to get people excited about something in EVE these days. The last few expansions haven't been very inspiring. Thank goodness for me!

Of course, there are always those who are too "cool" to go along with everyone else. That's why the persistent application of force is so beneficial. The New Order is not merely "trendy". Trends are voluntary.

No, Gizmarien Canis wasn't hitting random letters on his keyboard. Google Translate identified the language here as Croatian:

"Monkey motherfucker jackass stupid... While reading this motherfucker illiterate moron. I'll fuck you up the whole family and see you again. Moron."

Now you know what people mean when they call you a "debilu".

After so many years of hopelessness in highsec, some miners are cynical. They really can't believe we act out of the goodness of our own hearts. A few more years of New Order justice, and even the most stubborn miners will get the message!

AMG Naari falls into the classic carebear trap of assuming it's easy to gank miners. And yet, I still haven't met a carebear who was capable of it.

It always amuses me when carebears think that I do what I do as some kind of ego trip. I bet they think people who volunteer at soup kitchens are doing it for some selfish reason, too.

One of the tragic side effects of the new slang definition of "sick" is that you can't always tell whether someone is complimenting you or insulting you. You must rely on the context. The preceding EVEmail is an example of a miner who uses the word "sick" to say the New Order is bad. You can tell by the carebearism. He thinks if you pay CCP some money, you should be guaranteed success in this game. "Pay-to-win", anyone?

Although the Code does not explicitly require miners to praise me in local every day, I can scarcely think of any good reason why they wouldn't do so.

Draecos Archangelus may be disappointed, but I couldn't be any prouder of Agent NotTheSmartestCookie for popping his Retriever and salvaging the miner's tears. It's not cruelty; it's PvP. And elite PvP at that.

The True Test of a Man, Part 4

Previously, on MinerBumping... Highsec miner Ria'ac Aideron said terrible things about the New Order after being ganked a few times. Fortunately, he was persuaded to buy a mining permit anyway. He asked Agent Ophidia Black for help acquiring a reimbursement for his lost ships. Ophidia explained that he must first demonstrate his faith by giving her all of his remaining possessions.

After thinking it over, Ria'ac decided his best option was to go ahead and give Ophidia everything.

...But he still harbored doubts. It's not easy going from the Red Pen list to the honour roll.

Ophidia reminded him that there was no risk of losing his stuff, because she had no interest in scamming him. Then she offered to assist him in making contracts--just another example of the New Order educating people how to play EVE.

After a crash course in contracts, Ria'ac was good to go. He began transferring all of his assets to Ophidia.

Just then, Ophidia's boss, Odin Koraka, joined the convo. I know, I wasn't aware Ophidia had a boss, either. At any rate, Odin took over and assumed Ophidia's reimbursement duties for the rest of the day.

For some reason, Ria'ac Aideron went mute. Odin prompted him to speak, but was met with silence. Would Ria'ac really fall back into his pernicious AFK habits, right at this critical moment?

When Ria'ac still wouldn't answer, Odin started a countdown. If Ria'ac was at his keyboard, he would know Odin meant business. He would say something. Did Ria'ac ever care about the Code at all? Was he in it for the money?

If this were an action movie, Ria'ac would dive back in at the last possible moment, and preserve his good standing with the Order.

...But this isn't an action movie. It's real life.

Disgusted, Odin had no choice but to revoke Ria'ac's permit. Now, his sins having separated him from the Order and its Code, Ria'ac had no claim on his former possessions.

Eventually, Ria'ac finally bothered to return to keyboard. He was furious with Odin. Later, he caught up with Ophidia and explained the situation. Ria'ac was flat broke. Crime doesn't pay.

As Ophidia consoled the wayward carebear, Ria'ac cursed EVE. Compounding the tragedy, he showed no remorse for violating the Code. He only cared about his money. He wasn't a true convert to the Order; it had only been matter of time before his true nature manifested itself.

It didn't take long for Ria'ac to shift the blame on Ophidia, the one who had gone out of her way to help him. He asked her for free money. Ria'ac was just as lost as he'd been during his Red Pen days. Could Ophidia salvage the situation, and could Ria'ac's possessions be restored?

To be continued...

One Hundred Nineteen Billion in Shares Sold

Over 119,000 New Order shares have been sold! Like hotcakes, as per usual. Firstly, Bing Bangboom, no stranger to any reader of MinerBumping, earns a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for his purchase of 1,000 shares, which sent us over the 117 billion mark. Plenty of miners will go "bang" and "boom" as a result.

Next up, a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ is awarded to Nicholas AV, whose purchase of 2,050 shares put us over the 118 billion and 119 billion marks. Let the good times roll!

Turn Those Tears Upside Down

Pyro Nymphomania, a humble carebear, was caught illegally mining in one of my systems. Agent Janine Frost did the responsible thing and killed her untanked Hulk. Little did Pyro know, it was the best thing that would ever happen to her. So Janine told her so:

Unlike some other EVE players I could mention, Agents of the New Order are courteous, polite, and professional. They don't gloat about their many, many victories. Nor do they insult the dull, wretched masses of carebeardom. Instead, they help 'em out.

Pyro replied with an extraordinary EVEmail. She thought Janine was hacking, because otherwise, how could someone kill an untanked Hulk in highsec? Before Janine could defend herself, Pyro sent two additional EVEmails:

Protip: If someone tells you, "I'm not only [Something]", they are, in fact, only that Something. Needless to say, Pyro's threats didn't bear fruit. Since the miner was unable to chase Agent Janine out of EVE, she extended Pyro another invitation to obey the Code.

Pyro remained defiant. But Janine saw a glimmer of hope: Pyro suggested that she might tank her mining ship next time.

New Order Agents are always of good cheer. Janine congratulated Pyro on her decision to trade yield for tank.

Though progress was being made, you can't expect a miner to be cured instantly--not after they've suffered years of ignorance and bot-aspirancy. Pyro's mind was addled by all the Goon conspiracies she'd heard over the years.

Janine became Pyro's champion. She cheered her on, encouraging her to become a proper EVE player. Did Pyro have the courage?

While still showing signs of anti-Goon prejudice, Pyro was opening up her heart. She expressed a willingness to gank miners. She even claimed that she had ganked miners in the past. (Though one wonders, if she knew how ganks worked, why she thought Janine was hacking.) Janine cheerfully invited Pyro to join the NEW ORDER DEATH DEALERS corporation so she could be raised as a ganker in a loving environment.

There you have it. In just a brief series of EVEmails with a New Order Agent, Pyro Nymphomania achieved a remarkable degree of improvement. Most people would have judged Pyro a raving lunatic bot-aspirant and left her to rot in the belts. The New Order isn't wired that way. Mercy: It's not just a good idea--it's in the Code.

Kills of the Week

Let's skip the flavor text and get right to what you're here for: A collection of notable kills during the week of August 25th @ 00:00 EVEtime through August 31st @ 23:59 EVEtime!

KILLMAIL

We didn't have enough room last week, but surely we can't skip the death of Dr Robotnik-x's Rokh. He was using the battleship to duel Agent Bing Bangboom's Jaguar, but he died instead. Why? Because the New Order always wins. Bing has kept us apprised of his wartime heroism on a thread in the MinerBumping Forum, which I commend to you.

KILLMAIL

jim billings thought it would be a bright idea to give shield boosts to Code-violators. Agent Janine Frost reminded the poor fellow exactly why this was a bad idea. Use your best movie trailer voice to tell his story: "jim billings spent his days boosting the shields of carebears. But the only shields he couldn't boost... were his own."

KILLMAIL

It almost goes without saying that Agent D400 scored the podkill of the week. But since we're here, we may as well say it. Agent D400 spied Orgmon engaged in bot-aspirancy and crushed his 2.4 billion isk pod. Carebears, don't put your faith in crystals. Think New Order, not "new age".

Ouch! Thomas Vynevener put as little thought into his Orca fitting as he put into his corp recruitment policies. Agent Syds Sinclair joined the corp and blasted him. Seniority means little in highsec; even someone who joined your corp five minutes ago has every right to teach you about the Code.

In addition to awoxing another Orca, Syds managed to convince a corp member to let him borrow an Orca. Upon finding evidence of Code violations, Syds had no choice but to detain the Orca indefinitely.

KILLMAIL

Last, but certainly not least, we have Nikolas Sharp's mining Dominix Navy Issue. Agents Lenda Shinhwa, Ophidia Black, Selina Dyle, and Skeenaa did exactly what you would expect them to do. In the interest of transparency, they even made a YouTube video of the Navy Domi's execution.

As grotesque as a mining faction battleship may be, it makes perfect sense in the eyes of a carebear. They don't believe in combat in highsec. Therefore, if they got their way, they would beat all the swords into ploughshares, and every combat vessel would be used for mining. Thankfully, the Agents of the New Order stand in their way, and will always preserve the dignity of highsec.

Top Supporters for August 2013

Each month, MinerBumping immortalizes its top isk contributors in a hall of fame post. The "Month's Top Supporters" sidebar will begin showing the current month's supporters in a few days. You can view the August 2012, September, October, November, December, January 2013, February, March, April, May, June, and July top 10 lists at the appropriate links.

Here are our top isk contributors for August 2013:

TOP SUPPORTERS
August 2013


#1. Fawn Tailor
1,001,000,000 isk


#2. Dr Wiwwy
750,000,000 isk


#3. Unwanted Clone
591,000,000 isk


#4. Sevendeadly Sins
560,000,000 isk


#5. Ophidia Black
501,000,000 isk


#6. Temporary Amnesia
500,000,000 isk


#7. Nereus Kable
250,000,000 isk


#8. handypantz
200,000,000 isk


#8. Rickbass4001
200,000,000 isk


#8. Pestario Vargas
200,000,000 isk
Each isk goes directly toward gank Catalysts. Each isk, a dagger in the heart of the carebears. Well done all!

One Hundred Sixteen Billion in Shares Sold

Time to award yet another Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Sevendeadly Sins earns a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ for his purchase of 560 shares, which sent us over the 116 billion mark. Imagine that--over 116,000 shares purchased so far! Extraordinary.