Kills of the Week

Death. Destruction. Ignominy. These are some of the things that await all those who would disobey the Code. Anonymous commenters make unverified claims to the contrary: "Oh, don't worry about the mighty CODE. alliance. I've been mining without a permit every day for 30 years and never even saw a CODE. member in local." Woe to the carebear who believes the Anonymous commenter! They'll end up like these poor souls from the week of November 5th @ 00:00 EVEtime through November 11th @ 23:59 EVEtime:

KILLMAIL

Yeah, let's go ahead and start off with the nonuple-anti-tanked hauler who lost 41.8 billion isk. Cian jumped into Uedama with a supercarrier's worth of cargo. It's unclear what he was thinking, though "nothing" would probably be a good guess. He was incinerated by Agents Jason Kusion, Joseph Kusion, Jackson Kusion, Joel Kusion, Jayson Kusion, Justin Kusion, Jake Kusion, a fat potato, Fatally Wounded Pineapple, Joshua Kusion, Johnathan Kusion, and Jeremiah Kusion.

And the cargo... the cargo...

Breathtaking.

You know, as we reported earlier, the Kusion family was permabanned by CCP and then they reversed the permaban. Think about that, carebears. Why do you think CCP unbanned Kusion? They knew who he was--what he was. They unbanned him to kill.

KILLMAIL

The rebellious miner said to himself, "CODE. is ganking freighters like crazy. Now's my chance to get in some illegal mining, while they're distracted!" What a Goofus. Stellar Za learned that the New Order is more than capable of controlling every aspect of highsec life, simultaneously. Agent Guybertini had plenty of time to nuke the 500 million isk Covetor while freighters were dropping like flies in Uedama.

KILLMAIL

Arazno Masirias learned a similar lesson, though his was even more expensive. His outdated, decadent Hulk was worth 1.3 billion isk before Agents Votre Dieu and Narl' Amhar reduced it to ashes. Get a clue, miners. Read the Code.

The New Order kills freighters, it kills miners, it kills mission-runners... And sometimes, it kills mission-runners with miners. Spud RWC received a painful introduction to the more exotic contingent of Code enforcers when undercover Agent Lucy Inthesky Withdiamonds unleashed her Orca's drones against Spud's Tengu. "Ships that can't shoot back", indeed.

"If only someone had warned me!" cries the bot-aspirant, "Then I would've paid!" Baloo was warned...

...But he chose not to heed the warning.

Baloo probably realized, on some level, that he was going to lose everything. Yet he was too stubborn to embrace the Code.

KILLMAIL

After a long period of bumping, Baloo lost his heavily tanked Bowhead. His ship certainly had the ability to soak up a lot of damage. However, he was facing a truly massive CODE. fleet. If you're an Anti-Ganker and you want to feel even worse than you already do, check out the composition of the fleet that killed Baloo's Bowhead.

Agents Tax Collector Max, Tax Collector HongMei, Tax Collector KarlMarx, Taxman Daniel, Tax Collector Kittens, Australian Excellence, Tax Collector Aruka, Salah ad-Din al-Jawahiri, Tax Collector Hill, Tax Collector Richard, Tax Collector BokChoy, Pod Destroyer Molly, Tax Collector Stroheim, Tax Collector Larry, Tax Collector Buck, Tax Collector Alison, Tax Collector Kimi, Tax Collector Shardani, Tawny Rozei, Shanade Rozei, Katy Rozei, Baron Rozei, Sherri Rozei, Ruby Rozei, Giselle Rozei, Christine Rozei, Tax Collector Yuna, Trump The King, Lagatha Rozei, unknown observer, John Ratcliffe, Lobo El Lobo, Adriana Thermopylae, and Alexis Thermopylae brought an amount of firepower sure to make any Anti-Ganker hang his head in shame--if said head wasn't already in that position.

Oh, and they killed Baloo's 2.3 billion isk pod, too.

KILLMAIL

Synegry went retro, autopiloting in a shuttle through New Order territory. She was in the Kador region, so maybe she assumed she wouldn't be hunted by any of the New Order's heavy-hitters. If so, she was badly mistaken; our Agents are everywhere in highsec. Agent Aaaarrgg himself was on patrol that day, and I think it's fair to say that Aaaarrgg likes to gank shuttles.

Synegry's shuttle cracked open to reveal a 3.1 billion isk pod. The pod had a little bit of everything. Now it has nothing. So it goes for the Code violator.

Highsec Miner Grab Bag #144

Another ordinary day in highsec: An Agent of the New Order instructs a miner how to play the game. No big deal.

The situation evolves: Severus Dragon reveals himself to be one of those "I would've paid..." guys.

Getting warmer.

...And that means it's time for another edition of the Highsec Miner Grab Bag!

when Vaporize read the recent news about CCP cutting its staff, he didn't blame Hilmar like all those other people did. No, he blamed the mighty CODE. alliance. But there's a good reason why CCP keeps people like us around: I told CCP how to save the company and the game from ruin. You're not going to get amazing ideas like that from some AFK miner.

It turns out that Vaporize is the biggest deal you've never heard of. Though he's been playing since 2006, he still flies ships like this. I'm sure his movies are great, though.

Ally K began spamming local when her Bowhead got caught by a bumper. She demanded to be ganked or let go...

She was ganked. It's probably not a good idea to "dare" an Agent to kill you when CODE. has over 50 trillion isk worth of ganks on its killboard.

"Relax in a non-PvP space sim." I believe I have identified your problem.

Zna4Ok was introduced to the world of MinerBumping in a recent post. He immediately gained a following; one Anonymous commenter even compared him to the legendary Mine Teck. Before long, Zna4Ok discovered that some of his EVEmails to Yucie Van Burean had been posted on MinerBumping. This was his response, titled "Excessive attention":

I give this EVEmail 3½ out of 5 strawberries.

If you want to trigger a carebear, tell him the truth.

I'll never understand why these miners, who don't know how to think about EVE properly, get mad when we teach them how to think. If some guy is flapping his arms like an idiot and you gift him a private jet so he can actually fly, would he get mad? Only if he was a Goofus.

Svaytogor Skifovich lost his freighter, but he gained a new appreciation for the power of the "CODA". Not a bad trade, if you ask me.

Over One Trillion Five Hundred Fifty-Seven Billion in Shares Sold

I've occasionally observed that when it comes to EVE, the Code is like the ultimate superweapon. What powers that weapon? The Code does; it's its own energy source, which is cool. But the Code is also powered by other things--by the exceptional qualities of our Agents. For example, the Code is powered by love. Also, generosity:

Koizumi Taira summoned her generous spirit and offered up the isk to buy 315 additional shares. Koizumi sent us past the 1,554 billion isk mark and earned a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™. Well done.

Yet another demonstration of why even if EVE is dying, the New Order is only getting stronger and more powerful. Slutvana Khorkina purchased 2,214 shares on behalf of the Permabanned Heroes of the Code. That purchase brought us to the 1,555 and 1,556 billion isk marks and earned a Double Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Bad Touches corp may be inactive, but gankers inspired by their example will continue to slaughter the bot-aspirants of highsec.

Len Strife made his first purchase of New Order shares. He was cautious, investing only 15 million isk to buy 15 shares. No big deal, right? Well, that happened to be exactly the amount needed to bring us to the 1,557 billion isk mark. That's about as little money as you can spend and still earn a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

Len's timing really was remarkable. Len, here's a little financial advice: Get yourself to Vegas and bet it all.

Greed, Sloth, and Anger

Good sportsmanship: Some have it, some don't.

Agent Luna Nightblood wasn't wrong. Elite PvP was on full display in Poinen that day.

The Gate Tax Collection Agency popped a jump freighter worth 15.5 billion isk. In a breathtaking display of their power, the corp brought in 18 Tornadoes. By contrast, the jump freighter pilot, Jenna Viliana, didn't perform so well in combat. She choked, to be honest.

In Poinen local, Jenna tried to foment class warfare on behalf of the "working pilots" of highsec. Because autopiloting in a hauler is such hard work.

Jenna bristled at the suggestion that she'd been autopiloting. She claimed to be a hardworking manual warper. A real salt of the earth type.

How do we know whether Jenna had been autopiloting or not? Well, consider this: If Jenna was such a Code-compliant rule-follower, then why was she violating the Code by spewing profanity at our Agents in local? And why didn't she own a mining permit?

Jenna refused the offer of a fair, impartial hearing. She knew that any examination performed by a fair, impartial judge would only confirm her guilt.

The carebear's tantrum in Poinen local chat began to attract some attention. Nobody believed she was innocent, but Jenna dug in her heels anyway.

Agent Australian Excellence wasn't afraid to let someone check his work. It's not for no reason that he has a spotless record. Agent Australian only kills people who deserve it.

Unlike regular freighters, jump freighters have the ability to teleport to safety at any time--even if they're being bumped by pro bumpers. Therefore, whenever a jump freighter is ganked in highsec, they're presumed to be AFK. The burden of proof was on Jenna to prove otherwise.

Jenna tried to convince our heroes that she'd been at her keyboard but unable to activate her jump drive. But in doing so, she accidentally confessed to another act of extreme negligence: Failing to keep a cyno escort on standby. This is a severe violation of the Code.

The carebear knew her goose was cooked. She'd admitted to breaking the Code in front of everyone in Poinen. She had virtually no chance of getting her 15.5 billion isk ship reimbursed. It's expensive to be a rebel these days.

After leaving the system in shame, Jenna felt she had to get in the last word. She accused Australian of violating the Code. Jenna's hypocrisy was almost as astonishing as her lossmail.

The carebear had one last card to play, though: She returned to Poinen and deployed some containers with a warning about the power of the mighty CODE. alliance. A thoughtful gesture. On the other hand, it's pretty hard to read those warnings when you're AFK.

Bob Goes Forth, Part 7

Previously, on MinerBumping... Agent Bob the Fourth mastered the Solitude region. Inspired by repeated visions of the number 315, Bob purchased 315 million isk worth of gear and set off in search of adventure in other regions.

Among the items Bob purchased was a gank Algos. Our hero spotted an oddly fit Iteron Mark V and ganked it, along with its 44 million isk pod.

While Bob was reflecting upon his righteous gank and the strangeness of the hauler fit, he found his Algos under attack. A KarmaFleet member named Link Severasse, who was flying alongside another KF member, tried to interfere with the gank. But he only managed to leech on a CONCORD killmail.

Bob gave the two KarmaFleet Goons the benefit of the doubt and graced them with a "gf". Clam Basher, the KF member who was too timid to open fire, copped an attitude.

Agent Bob was astonished. What are they teaching people in KarmaFleet these days?

Clam had been afraid to shoot at Bob, but he preferred to do the talking. For the most part, Link Severasse remained quiet. Perhaps he was embarrassed by his mouthy friend.

Despite his earlier reluctance to engage in PvP--even with CONCORD on his side--Clam behaved as though he was eager to fight.

Nevertheless, Bob's mission went on according to his own timetable. For now, the first priority was to update his Miner Bingo card.

Bob cursed his luck. You go for so long needing a particular square and then you get a bunch of them at once.

Over half an hour after ganking the fail-fit Iteron Mark V, Bob received a cryptic EVEmail from its pilot. Why was he laughing? Had he deliberately set himself up to be ganked as part of some elaborate plan?

Mystery solved: The hauler was an ordinary bot-aspirant.

Over the following weeks, Bob got to know the locals well, and they got to know him.

Bob got to know some of the locals a little too well. Greg Country was certainly a creature of habit.

In the end, Bob triumphed. He knew he would; he had the Code. After his tour through highsec, Bob was more convinced than ever that he was on the right path. As long as he remained true to the Code, there was nothing he couldn't do. And he taught the carebears an important lesson, too: Without the Code, all they could do was die and cry about it.

Powerful Acquaintances in Highsec, Part 3

Previously, on MinerBumping... Mike Jinsu's Covetor was destroyed by Agent Bing Bangboom, who introduced the miner to the Code. Mike threatened to retaliate with the aid of powerful friends from an incursion fleet. Unfortunately, the only person who showed up was an acquaintance who'd just met Mike and wasn't willing to help him.

Now that Mike's army was out of the way, it was time for a one-on-one, man-to-man convo between Mike and Bing. If Bing had his way, the miner would embrace the Code and live a lifetime of joy and fulfillment.

Bing Bangboom > Look, you send me 10 million ISK... I send you a permit, you put in your bio pledging allegiance to James 315 and then, off you go mining again.
Mike Jinsu > Why dont I put in my bio pledging allegiance to fucking hitler
Bing Bangboom > That would be unpleasant
Mike Jinsu > Not as unpleasant as pledging allegiance to a fucking pothead

...But Mike was a Goofus. He got in the way of his own happiness.

Bing Bangboom > James 315 is the Savior of Highsec.
Mike Jinsu > Oh blah blah blah
Mike Jinsu > Hitler is the savior of germany
Mike Jinsu > what's next ffs

The litmus test never fails: At the very mention of my name, Mike could not help but reveal the true ugliness of his character.

Bing Bangboom > He's also the Father of the New Order... much better to pledge allegiance to a hero than a villian.
Mike Jinsu > That's an opinion
Bing Bangboom > What is?
Mike Jinsu > Thinking hitler is a villain
Bing Bangboom > True. That IS my opinion.
Mike Jinsu > He's done so much more for anyone than James 500

Bing could only shake his head. Mike was digging a hole to bury himself in, and the miner wasn't even extracting any highsec ore for his trouble.

Mike Jinsu > James 600?
Bing Bangboom > James 315
Mike Jinsu > Sorry
Bing Bangboom > Its ok. You are new
Bing Bangboom > But that's why I'm trying to help you
Mike Jinsu > I can't say his name without choking
Mike Jinsu > it's pretty funny actually

Just as witches struggle to recite the Lord's Prayer without making a mistake, Mike became utterly flustered by the name of the Saviour of Highsec. He couldn't even speak it.

Bing Bangboom > Miners are often slow to understand what the situation is.
Bing Bangboom > We have to be patient.
Mike Jinsu > I'm not a miner lmao
Bing Bangboom > Kill: Mike Jinsu (Covetor) yes, you are.
Mike Jinsu > Oh ok

Once again, Mike denied that he was a miner. And for whatever reason, he seemed to find his own mining ship lossmail to be completely unpersuasive--and it was a long-form, in-game lossmail at that.

Mike Jinsu > Just because I have a mining ship means I'm a miner?
Bing Bangboom > No, mining makes you a miner
Mike Jinsu > Just because I spent 5 minutes mining plag before you ganked me means I'm a miner
Mike Jinsu > Right
Bing Bangboom > yes... now you have it

"I'm not a miner, I was just experimenting." Who did this guy think he was kidding? There's probably Veldspar dust under his fingernails.

Mike Jinsu > I'm not sure that's how it works
Bing Bangboom > sure, why not?
Mike Jinsu > Cuz you have to do it full time
Bing Bangboom > What you aren't is a permit holder... there is where your problem lies
Mike Jinsu > Is that really a problem though?
Mike Jinsu > Spend a minute and move on
Bing Bangboom > It obviously is for you.... Kill: Mike Jinsu (Covetor)

Mike insisted that he wasn't really a miner unless he mined full time. By that definition, I suppose Mike was a part-time miner and a full-time whiner.

Mike Jinsu > That's my business model for you
Mike Jinsu > Not James 215
Mike Jinsu > He's probably a drunk pedophile
Bing Bangboom > Look, you promised me that your friends would come and that you would duel... that's why I came.
Mike Jinsu > I gotta go

Our Agent reminded Mike of his promise to engage in a duel. Suddenly, something came up and Mike had to go. What timing.

Bing Bangboom > I say what I mean... deception isn't part of Agenting
Mike Jinsu > Agenting
Mike Jinsu > Fucking
Mike Jinsu > Peace
Bing Bangboom > Goodbye Carebear

In spite of everything, Bing still cared deeply for the part-time miner. He hoped that Mike would read the Code as soon as he finished taking care of his emergency.

Mike's encounter with Bing changed him. He decided to reinvent himself by buying a pair of glasses and a beret and starting a new corporation. Mike knew he couldn't completely escape his miner status, so his new bio emphasized everything else he did. (Apparently all of his other activities were full-time.)

Now, I know what you're thinking, dear reader. "I bet his 'amazing corp' has only one member." So cynical! And you're wrong: Mike's corp has 5 members, including himself and alts.

Intriguingly, Mike's corp offers a 10 million isk gift* to new players. Could it be that he wants to help them buy mining permits? We may never know. The asterisk doesn't correspond to anything.