Unscheduled Truth, Part 2

Previously, on MinerBumping... The in-game "Mining" channel fell victim to an infestation of bot-aspirants. When Agent Aiko Danuja gave the miners a warning by presenting the killmail of a ganked miner, Kiss My Ash and the other bot-aspirants howled in protest.

Agent Aiko linked a 55 billion isk Marshal killmail as further evidence of the Code's power. But Kiss My Ash claimed that this was more than offset by the fleet of gank Tornadoes required to take down the Marshal.

Miners never were very good at math.

It soon became clear that Kiss was a classic case of the Green-Eyed Monster.

Miners often complain about gankers who "harvest" tears and salt. But the dilemma is apparent: Link a fresh killmail and the miners cry; link a killmail from a few days ago and the miners cry more. Link no killmails and they cry that they weren't given enough warnings.

Agent Aiko accepted Kiss My Ash's invitation to link the fresh killmail of a billion isk Tengu. As expected, she remained as salty as ever.

In a rage, the miner confessed to being a false newbie.

Without any encouragement, Kiss My Ash went on a rant about how offended she was by people who didn't gank precisely according to her specifications. Nothing could make her happy except for some kind of mythical perfect gank.

Based on Aiko's observations of the miner, she could only conclude that Kiss My Ash was a bot-aspirant carebear--and therefore guilty under the laws of highsec.

As time went by, the miner only grew more disgusted. She couldn't believe the low-quality ganks she was seeing. And she would hear nothing about buying a permit. Was Aiko's trip to the Mining channel a waste of time?

For every Kiss My Ash, there are other miners who are not so foolish. Some, rightly impressed by the killmails they saw, decided to purchase a mining permit and avoid death.

In the long run, our Agents are always victorious. Some day, if he plays EVE long enough, even the most hardened rebel will find himself complying with the Code. There is no alternative.

Unscheduled Truth, Part 1

Among the in-game channels, there is one called "Mining". As you might expect, it is a channel for miners.

...And as you might expect, they spend most of their time talking about the mighty CODE. alliance.

Highsec is preoccupied with the Code and its ramifications. Some carebears feel it is the singular cause of EVE's demise. Others feel it has no effect, and that barely any ganking takes place in EVE.

But there is a consensus on one aspect of the Code: It's pretty much the only thing worth discussing these days.

On occasion, one of our Agents will visit a place like the Mining channel. In fact, there is no channel a carebear can make in EVE without it being monitored for Code violations.

Rebel Kiss My Ash made repeated efforts to stir up her fellow carebears with anti-Code rhetoric. But she was preaching to the choir.

Just when it seemed as though nothing positive would come out of the conversation, a link was dropped into the channel. Two, actually:

The first was the killmail of Nappolion Toralen's blingy fail-Retriever that had just been ganked.

Also linked was the Retriever pilot's 1.5 billion isk pod. These killmails were important news to everyone in the Mining channel, since any sufficiently bot-aspirant miner could end up just like Nappolion.

Agent Aiko Danuja offered the killmails as a warning to the miners. You know, one of those warnings that the miners always say they want?

Kiss My Ash responded to the warning by buying a permit--right?

Since Aiko's message was not yet received, she linked another kill. Surely this one could not be dismissed as the gank of a "newbie".

But the misguided rebel was determined to spin the Marshal pilot's loss as a victory for carebears.

To be continued...

Over One Trillion Eight Hundred Seventy-Eight Billion in Shares Sold

One of the things that makes highsec unique in EVE: It has citizens.

Those who aspire to greatness know that they must cast off any and all traces of carebearism. Enforcing the Code brings out the best in a man; buying shares in the New Order isn't a bad thing, either.

Madame Mia joined our shareholders with a purchase of precisely 1,000 shares of New Order stock. And so we reached another milestone, the 1,878 billion isk mark. Madame, enjoy your Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™.

All eyes look toward the two trillion isk mark--it's not so very far!


BONUS!

A riddle for you, dear reader. Imagine that you are a rebellious anti-Code miner. You have just been ganked. What do you do?

(A) Whine about being a defenseless new player.
(B) Pretend to be someone important and threaten to call in powerful friends from nullsec.

(C) All of the above.

Spoiler: Nothing happened. Actually, to be fair, there was one attempt at retaliation...

Alas, the miner's "main" had neither an alliance nor "PvP players" to call upon.

The Code continues to conquer highsec uncontested.

Parental Advisory, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Richard The-Crusader spun fantastic tales to justify the destruction of his unlicensed Covetor in a highsec asteroid belt. As our Agents interrogated the miner, he made a baffling claim: He taught his son to mine so he'd learn how boring it is and do something else.

Our Agents politely called the miner out on his dissembling. They wanted the truth, not more lies.

Agent Xeux pinned the miner to his most recent story. Now he was trapped.

Richard wasn't yet certain where the Agent was going. So he readily agreed that mining in highsec is bad, and that ganking highsec miners is necessary.

Unintentionally, Richard aligned himself with the New Order. Based on his own admissions, he could have no objection to our Agents' actions.

Out of nowhere, the miner blurted out some insults. On some level, he knew he'd been caught--just like his Covetor had been.

By all accounts, Richard should've praised the Agents who had taught his son to listen to his father. Yet he couldn't conceal the fact that he despised them instead. Richard was a fraud!

As Richard flailed about, he found himself further entangled by his fellow carebears' claims: Since highsec carebears like to say that nullsec is actually safer than highsec, they cannot challenge our Agents to "man up" and go there.

The miner became fully ensnared by his own web of lies. Incredibly, he launched new complaints about how bad it is to gank miners--totally contradicting his earlier story.

Agent Lewak shone the light of truth by linking a classic MinerBumping article. Richard recoiled from it.

Confronted by an army of facts, the miner shut down. He could do nothing but babble.

Once again, Richard tried to make a move, only to be thwarted. The miner was helpless.

Our Agents could sense that Richard was becoming too discouraged to engage in a meaningful discussion. He was drifting into a downward spiral.

Each attempt to get the miner to open up resulted in Richard gnashing his teeth. The miner was officially disgruntled.

Our heroes could only shake their heads in disgust as the miner continued to be caught in more lies.

Finally, the anti-mining miner turned away, fixated on his true love--mining in highsec. Did Richard even have a son? No one knows, but one thing is for certain: He is a father of lies.

Parental Advisory, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Controversy! Ganked Covetor pilot Richard The-Crusader attempted to evade responsibility for losing his unlicensed mining vessel. As our Agents closed in, Richard tried to shift the blame for his conduct in every direction he could think of.

It all came down to 10 million isk. Richard could have easily transferred the money to any of the Agents in the convo. But he refused--out of "principle", no doubt.

Despite confessing that his son created his character in February 2018, Richard claimed that he should be treated as a new player.

The miner's story continued to evolve--and quickly.

Our heroes had difficulty keeping up with Richard's story. First he wanted the gank to happen, then the gank was good, then it was bad because his son was a new player, then... So many words, but so little isk.

Richard introduced yet another plot twist. On the one hand, he wanted his son to be ganked for the crime of flying an unlicensed Covetor. On the other hand, Richard hoped that this would lead to an invite from a corp that teaches people not to gank miners.

The different threads of Richard's story laid tangled together in a heap. At the heart of it all: Bot-aspirancy.

In an effort to teach his son not to be exploited by bullies, Richard was perfectly content to see him join a "slave labor corp". Because they're so welcoming.

Of course, the most friendly, welcoming people in EVE are the Agents of the New Order. For some reason, Richard didn't want his son to have anything to do with the mighty CODE. alliance. What was he hiding?

It was only a matter of time before Richard justified his crimes by claiming that EVE needs new players. Actually, it does not. EVE doesn't need new players; it needs good players.

...And the only way people get good at EVE is through the Code.

Just when it appeared things couldn't get any worse, Richard made a startling confession:

...It was his plan all along to bore his son into becoming a better player!

To be continued...