Tuesday, October 1, 2019

Parental Advisory, Part 5

Previously, on MinerBumping... Controversy! Ganked Covetor pilot Richard The-Crusader attempted to evade responsibility for losing his unlicensed mining vessel. As our Agents closed in, Richard tried to shift the blame for his conduct in every direction he could think of.

It all came down to 10 million isk. Richard could have easily transferred the money to any of the Agents in the convo. But he refused--out of "principle", no doubt.

Despite confessing that his son created his character in February 2018, Richard claimed that he should be treated as a new player.

The miner's story continued to evolve--and quickly.

Our heroes had difficulty keeping up with Richard's story. First he wanted the gank to happen, then the gank was good, then it was bad because his son was a new player, then... So many words, but so little isk.

Richard introduced yet another plot twist. On the one hand, he wanted his son to be ganked for the crime of flying an unlicensed Covetor. On the other hand, Richard hoped that this would lead to an invite from a corp that teaches people not to gank miners.

The different threads of Richard's story laid tangled together in a heap. At the heart of it all: Bot-aspirancy.

In an effort to teach his son not to be exploited by bullies, Richard was perfectly content to see him join a "slave labor corp". Because they're so welcoming.

Of course, the most friendly, welcoming people in EVE are the Agents of the New Order. For some reason, Richard didn't want his son to have anything to do with the mighty CODE. alliance. What was he hiding?

It was only a matter of time before Richard justified his crimes by claiming that EVE needs new players. Actually, it does not. EVE doesn't need new players; it needs good players.

...And the only way people get good at EVE is through the Code.

Just when it appeared things couldn't get any worse, Richard made a startling confession:

...It was his plan all along to bore his son into becoming a better player!

To be continued...


  1. Richard is a bad father. Because Richard is a bad father, and because Highsec falls under New Order law, I believe the correct course of action is to find the child a new foster family within the CODE. Alliance. As Father of Highsec, James 315 would fit the bill perfectly. And I am certain Princess Aiko could be a wonderful mother.

    The biological father should have a restraining order placed against him, and be ganked if he attempts to illegally make contact with his son using any in-game means.

    Whilst my solution is entirely fair and reasonable, one also hopes that the miner comes to his senses, and purchases a 10,000,000 permit. Then we won't have to take his child into care.

    Praise James! \0/

    1. Aiko will already be occupied, raising our children, she has to pass on this one.

    2. i volunteer, to raise the boy together with my beloved saviour.

    3. Nevermind,

      First, please stop pretending to be an agent.

      Second, you raising any minors would end as badly as Kalynn Shardani.

      There is no old gaurd / new gaurd, please remember your place miner, the bottom of the food chain.

    4. mr karma balancer,

      please report back to the CODE. old agents home.
      the young agents, i ordered to take care for you, were instructed to make sure you dont leave the station.

      also please remember: group rounds, to tell stories of the good old times, are at mondays 19:00 eve time and thursday 21:00 eve time.

    5. Miner, when i click my fingers you will wake up in your venture at belt 3 and your fantasy of being a knight will be over.....

      * click

  2. Bingo!



    It's like he's reading from an official Miner Bingo card!

  3. Hisec miners are such happy people.

  4. Richard's arguments flip-flop more than a beachwear convention. Are all miners this incomprehensible?

  5. The miner's story continued to evolve...

  6. I gave my kid a pack of smokes, and I want him to keep smoking until he decides to stop, but it needs to be his decision so that's a personal growth thing.


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