Wednesday, October 2, 2019

Parental Advisory, Part 6

Previously, on MinerBumping... Richard The-Crusader spun fantastic tales to justify the destruction of his unlicensed Covetor in a highsec asteroid belt. As our Agents interrogated the miner, he made a baffling claim: He taught his son to mine so he'd learn how boring it is and do something else.

Our Agents politely called the miner out on his dissembling. They wanted the truth, not more lies.

Agent Xeux pinned the miner to his most recent story. Now he was trapped.

Richard wasn't yet certain where the Agent was going. So he readily agreed that mining in highsec is bad, and that ganking highsec miners is necessary.

Unintentionally, Richard aligned himself with the New Order. Based on his own admissions, he could have no objection to our Agents' actions.

Out of nowhere, the miner blurted out some insults. On some level, he knew he'd been caught--just like his Covetor had been.

By all accounts, Richard should've praised the Agents who had taught his son to listen to his father. Yet he couldn't conceal the fact that he despised them instead. Richard was a fraud!

As Richard flailed about, he found himself further entangled by his fellow carebears' claims: Since highsec carebears like to say that nullsec is actually safer than highsec, they cannot challenge our Agents to "man up" and go there.

The miner became fully ensnared by his own web of lies. Incredibly, he launched new complaints about how bad it is to gank miners--totally contradicting his earlier story.

Agent Lewak shone the light of truth by linking a classic MinerBumping article. Richard recoiled from it.

Confronted by an army of facts, the miner shut down. He could do nothing but babble.

Once again, Richard tried to make a move, only to be thwarted. The miner was helpless.

Our Agents could sense that Richard was becoming too discouraged to engage in a meaningful discussion. He was drifting into a downward spiral.

Each attempt to get the miner to open up resulted in Richard gnashing his teeth. The miner was officially disgruntled.

Our heroes could only shake their heads in disgust as the miner continued to be caught in more lies.

Finally, the anti-mining miner turned away, fixated on his true love--mining in highsec. Did Richard even have a son? No one knows, but one thing is for certain: He is a father of lies.


  1. I bet he isn't even a real crusader, just more stolen valour.

    1. The biggest hisec cowards seem to have the 'baddest' names.

      Contrasted against the baddest pilots in highsec who have the most unassuming names. Alt00 for example, no false hero there, just a lean, mean, miner killing machine.

      Do your part to support EVE, kill a highsec miner today!

      And tomorrow!

      Well, daily I guess. There's a lot of shitters in hisec that need killin.

  2. Didn't this shitter just claim to be a Texas Lawyer or some such nonsense?

    Maybe they don't teach 'your vs you're' in highsec law schools..

    Say dude again you giant dildo, you don't have any children.

    Get *your* permit, or *you're* gonna get rekt.

  3. Replies
    1. Silly carebears always acting like nullsec is the last boss of EVE Online

    2. That

      Black crow bandits? More like ass bandits.

  4. I'm siding with the ex-wife on this one. Richard is one stubborn bear. Everything he says is true—even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!

  5. Most likely explanation for Richard The-Crusader is that he is trolling you. Every second you spend talking to him is a second not spent ganking honest Eve citizens.

    1. as well trained agents we talked to the criminal and kept ganking at the same time.

    2. That sums up AG in a single paragraph. They pretend to be (or actually are) retarded just to be able to say: "haha, the joke's one you, those thirty minutes of me sperging in local prevented you from ganking other miners"

      Meanwhile, the Agent finished another gank and uses his / her remaining 15 suspect timer minutes to engage in verbal pvp.

    3. I have fond memories of when ag tried to shit up our open comms so everyone muted and Loyalanon FC'd the next freighter gank in local chat.


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