Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Shocking New Evidence Uncovered in Krimletch Case

The civilized highsec community was aghast to learn about Krimletch, one of the most unruly miners we've seen in recent weeks. He was discovered mining illegally in an asteroid belt and was promptly terminated by Lord Mandelor, one of our Agents. Despite being given the opportunity to buy a permit, Krimletch vowed revenge against the New Order instead.

The New Order isn't known for giving up on people. Krimletch was invited to an informal chat with some of our Agents. However, the chat became a full-blown trial. During the course of that trial, Krimletch made a full confession of his guilt.

In a rare moment of lucidity, Krimletch paid 10 million isk for a permit. However, his misconduct during the trial resulted in the fee being increased, as per the Code's Red Pen provisions. In response, Krimletch filed an appeal, which turned out to be the longest tearmail ever written.

A few days later, while the appeal was still under review, Krimletch was ganked. In his anger, he made the mistake of fraudulently claiming that his appeal had been granted. When the appeal finally reached my desk, I had no choice but to deny it. That's where the matter would have stood. Except...

The man who ganked Krimletch before I ruled on the appeal was Agent Guybertini. As should be immediately apparent from his character portrait, Guybertini is a noble warrior who believes in a better future for highsec. After I denied Krimletch's appeal, Guybertini contacted me with new information about the Krimletch case--information I did not have the benefit of reviewing prior to my ruling.

The New Order is not about tyranny, extortion, griefing, bullying, torture, or driving new players away from the game. It is about fairness, justice, and reason. This means that when new evidence comes to light, it must be taken into consideration with an open mind.

Guybertini told Krimletch that he needed a permit to mine. Krimletch claimed he already had one. He also made a bigoted remark about gankers.

Our hero cautioned the miner that he stood to lose his permit if he wasn't willing to respect highsec's authorities. Always happy to reimburse a miner in the event of a wrongful gank, Guybertini requested additional information.

In reply, Krimletch called him a peasant and denied ever having bought a mining permit. Guybertini was stunned by the miner's 180ยบ turn--from a permit-carrying Goofus to a permit-denying Goofus!

The miner vowed revenge. Guybertini admitted that he was skeptical of the threat, since Krimletch was just a miner.

Once again, Krimletch uttered slurs against the ganking community that have no place in modern highsec. So Guybertini reminded the miner of why gankers are so important to the risk/reward balance. Would this convince Krimletch?

Unfortunately not. Krimletch rejected the Code. He even called me a "shitbox", which is a total mischaracterization of me and what I do.

Guybertini saw that he wasn't getting through to the miner. The baton would need to be handed to the next Agent to gank Krimletch.

I considered this new evidence very carefully. Now, I'm the first to admit when I've made a mistake. You'll see this is true, if and when I make a mistake. In this case, the additional evidence provided by Guybertini proved that the system works.

When EVE players enter highsec, they rely on the New Order to treat everyone fairly. They expect justice to be done. Their faith is not misplaced--thank goodness!


  1. Sometimes I think miners are trying to fill up my miner bingo card on purpose. The littany of bullshit they utter rarely seems to make sense otherwise

  2. krimletch might just be the next "highsec hero" rising
    can't wait to see his hilarious failures!

    1. krimletch should join my corp and become one of my star generals. As long as he can do so with respect and honour.

    2. Something I noticed recently.. Progod of N3 and Mittani from Goons recently did the Metashow on TMC, and they agreed on just about everything.

      I believe that if you ever have someone in the Rebel New Order that we can call a "general," without mocking, then all of EVE will genuinely be a better game as a result.

      So to inspire you, Here is an EVE story about another "leader" in the history of this fine game.

      Once, in the not so distant past, after TEST had taken over Fountain, they immediately took a short vacation to Providence and captured 9-UY to fuck with proviblock (as every major nullsec block has done at some point or another in the history of EVE.)

      To the surprise of all, one of TEST's main military commanders broke ranks in order to rally the hordes of the carebears to fight for their 9-UY station... against the then-indomitable military juggernaut of TEST.

      This "general" claimed that those that followed him, would learn to live and fight in NPC null, thrive, survive, and then return in force to kick those vile TEST out of the 9-UY station that they so egregiously took from the carebear.

      This General's name was Xystance. The alliance that he founded was called The 99 Percent.

      Xystance's goal from the beginning was to take the carebears to the almost stationless region of Great Wildlands, to the system of N-DQ0D, a Minmatar "kickout" station. Ships would undock outside of docking range, and they would get farmed by the fascinating games you can play with an Archon and a Macharial, as well as a station and a bunch of people who don't know what they're doing- but are now allowed to shoot anything they want without CONCORD interference.

      The goal was to farm them for as much content as possible, and then steal everything and leave them with nothing in the hostile wasteland, returning to TEST a hero.

      Over the next six months, These brave carebears were mercilessly owned again and again in their Drakes and Hurricanes, by the furry roleplayers of True Reign, an NRDS organization living in Great Wildlands at the time. Crucible had just been released, so the carebears were playing with their new Tornadoes and 100MnAB Tengus just owned the shit out of them. Really they got owned by just everything. Owned in local, owned on the battlefield, owned when they undocked 11 drakes and had a shitfight two jumps over at M-3. They really got owned harder than anything. But they just kept reshipping and coming back. Jump Freighters kept them resupplied, and they lost a few of those. But by the time they lost too much isk, they had started learning. They learned to play EVE.

      When the time came for Xystance to leave them with all of their assets, he couldn't do it. The carebears had since grown up into bloodthirsty pirates, by surviving through the trials of having the fire beaten out of them again and again and again. And they had learned how to mitigate and survive their attackers.

      Held, This is what I hope the end goal of your new alliance is. Something like this.

    3. This is almost as funny as this M guy scamming the code guy out of 11 billion isk. I guess its easy to do when code is weak willed and weak minded individuals who follow james around.

    4. It's never a scam to give isk to the New Order for the purpose of reimbursing holy ganking ships. In fact, there are 11,000 great reasons why sizable donations to the New Order are a fantastic idea. But one of them is: They will prolong and extend the life of Minerbumping for months to come.

      Sizable donations keep the compliance, (and the angry commenters) flowing.

    5. That was a very inspirational story, Ming. I can only hope that Held, too, proves himself to be such an inspirational figure, and leads the carebears to try their hands at pvp. I'll admit though, it's hard to feel hopeful when so far all we've seen from him is fundraising.

    6. His new post today was about a 22 billion isk freighter we ganked.

      And how he convoed the pilot and begged him for isk, and was shot down.

      Content, indeed.

  3. There goes another lie jamie...whenever I go to highsec, I rely on myself, no code monkey to be treated fairly...

  4. oh god, i love to log on here daily to get a good load of laughter at the expense of james and code. They are so funny, they think they are important. This is better then reading the funnies in my newspaper. What a clown leading a bunch of fools.

  5. what would be funny is if this held guy got hundreds of billions of isk and it wasnt a scam at all as he unleashes a fury of carebear rage on the new order. may be worth it just to give the guy a chance and some isk.

    1. Yea ok. Never happen. But you guys keep on dreaming.

    2. @Anon2:54
      You know, there's a guy named Gevlon Goblin who's been trying to use his billions to unleash whatever hell he can buy on Goonswarm.

      So far, they're not showing any signs of even being remotely pissed off yet.

      Case in point: If you can't get a guy with hundreds of billions of isk hiring the *cough* best mercenaries in the game to do any noticeable damage to a target with as broad of a side and as "skilled pilots" as Goonswarm has, what can one man wielding a whole five billion isk and zero pilots do to an alliance as tenacious and hard-to-hit as CODE.?

      I mean I'm just being real but I don't think I'm exaggerating when I'm saying we will see absolutely nothing from this guy.

    3. Good morning, EllipseAnon.

      I've been wondering lately: what do you (and other minerbumping commenters similar to you) hope to achieve by commenting here? Yes yes, you think we're all very stupid, bad people, sheeple, etc. Good for you, I'm glad that you feel empowered to express your opinions. But after having said these things a couple of times, you must know that we know how you feel. So why keep saying them day in and day out? Do you think that if you can only call us idiots enough time, we'll come to believe that that's what we are?

    4. Wait wait I got this one

      They want to let the world know that minerbumping is not a real thing.
      That their rage is potent, and will be dispensed on us Soon™
      And that they are angry we did this, and as we know "Words are more powerful than weapons™" etc. etc. etc.

    5. Well they have to fill their time while alt-tabbed out of the Eve client...putting their tears and comical threats on here is just one of the many things care bears do with their time other than learning how to play Eve.

  6. Obvious Veers alt - added to the list.

  7. I find the new order to be impotent after years of living in high sec, one has yet to see a so called agent of the new order in my home system. We just keep mining with impunity.

    1. And what system would that be, Mr Anonymous?

    2. Heh. You and he both know that whatever "impunity" he enjoys is the impunity of having gone thus far unnoticed. He'll prove too cowardly to mention his location, because he knows perfectly well that he is not beyond the reach of the New Order. Miners are all bluster, no substance.

    3. If your so curious maria, its arvasaras. I mine on a regular basis, some 4-6 hours a day. Have yet to get ganked by any of you. I will await you showing up maria :)
      Of course if its to far outside of your way, let me know and ill move closer for your ease :)


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