Friday, August 2, 2013

The Redemption of Capt Lynch

Capt Lynch is a name that any long-time reader of MinerBumping will recognize instantly. During the first few months of our existence, Lynch was among the most famous enemies of the New Order. He claimed that his brother had been unfairly treated by one of our Agents, but the entire story turned out to be a lie. His encounters with our Agents (which usually involved getting him tangled in his own lies) and his subsequent fury at seeing them written about on MinerBumping, became the subject of even more posts.

The Lynch situation escalated to its highest point when he began attacking the New Order on EVE-O. He claimed to be suffering from suicidal thoughts--a claim which he then quickly retracted. Later, Lynch reported that CCP had gotten the local police to visit him at home in response.

On occasion, however, Lynch's relations with the New Order thawed a bit. Anslo, leader of the infamous "Proveldtariat" resistance movement (recapped in a recent post) inadvertently alienated Lynch when trying to recruit him, thus forming the basis of an uneasy Lynch-Order axis against the Proveldtariat. Ultimately, however, Lynch cut his ties with the New Order and disappeared, not to be heard from again. Until now.


The New Order community was stunned to learn that Capt Lynch received a Supreme Protector's Tip of the Hat™ when he purchased a billion isk worth of shares.


In Kamio, a Catalyst piloted by Lynch crept toward an unsuspecting miner. What was going on?


An hour later, the miner's wreck and the presence of Concord suggested a startling answer to that question.


A Retriever had been cut down in the middle of an ice anomaly, guilty of violating the Code. Both Capt Lynch and a member of New Order Logistics were on the killmail.


Like I always say, I'm not in the business of rescuing 51% of highsec. We don't pick and choose which people we want to save. We're here for the whole enchilada: every man, woman, and child in highsec.


Capt Lynch proudly declared himself an Agent of the New Order and threatened to gank anyone who didn't own a mining permit.


Lynch claimed to have an appetite for suicide ganking. He proved it when, lacking another gank ship in station, he used a Talos to pop a Retriever. It was untanked and vulnerable to a solo Catalyst, but Lynch was in a hurry, so he didn't mind using bigger guns.


His fondness for supersizing Code enforcement was also on display when he brought out his bumping Machariel.


Lynch was unimpressed by the local rebels. He knew their tactics well. He knew they didn't work.


You know what does work? The New Order, the Code, and the pride that comes with serving the legitimate government of highsec.

24 comments:

  1. Cultural victory achieved. Welcome to the fold Lynch.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Capt Lynch is a living proof, that everyone can throw away their rebellious ways and ultimately join The New Order. No matter how deep you've digged your hole.

    Keep up the good work James and Lynch!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe he's a long term spai

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    2. He better not reveal my schedules.. unless he tells me first..

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    3. That would not be a problem...every long term spy will be surprised to see how good fun is being in the New Order, how friendly and nice its members are, and how offensive and dense the insulting rebels are.

      A long term spy will in the end learn that the New Order guys are the good ones, and join for real.

      Delete
  3. Thank you for coming home
    I'm sorry that the roids are all worn
    I left them here I could have sworn

    These are my salad days
    Slowly being eaten away
    Just another bump for today
    Oh but I'm proud of you, but I'm proud of you

    Nothing left to make me feel small
    James has left me standing so tall

    Code! (Code!)
    Always believe in your soul
    You've got the power to know
    You're indestructible
    Always believe in, because('Cus) of the
    Code! (Code!)
    Glad that you're bound to return
    There's something I could have learned
    You're indestructible, always believing

    ReplyDelete
  4. I've never posted here before, just read, but I've gotta say this..

    Capt Lynch, I'm proud of you.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I didn't start playing EVE until well after most of the old Capt Lynch business, so I was unaware of his past, but I'm honored to have been in on his first code enforcement. More proof The Code can redeem all.

    -Soylent Jade

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  6. Lynch, you just brought a tear to my eye. I'm so proud of you man. Keep up the good Order's work!

    -ZK-

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  7. Well, I didn't see that coming, but good on ya Cap.

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  8. I love how Capt Lynch, despite starting as a venemous rebel, is now a super-badass with his supersized instruments of justice!

    It would be nice to know what Anslo thinks about the fact that the guy who inspired him to start his criminal anti-New Order rebel movement is now a respected Code-enforcer. I hope this change of sides will help him understand that the New Order are the good guys.

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  9. There is more rejoicing in heaven over one code breaker who repents than over 99 code compliant miners who need not repent.

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  10. With his brooding good looks, debonair wit and the firm but fair hand he shows when dealing with his charges, james is becoming quite the gay icon here in the village. My life partner Jose and I plan on dedicating a float to him at the next pride march to raise consciousness regarding illegalHighsec mining.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I would donate real American cash-dollars to see a James 315 float in a parade. Make it happen Anon.

      Delete
  11. I smell a character transfer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear...

      The crinkling...

      of :tinfoil:.

      Delete
  12. his "bingo" line made me laugh hard. Great way to end the article

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  13. I'm gonna call it now that his plan is to become an agent of the New Order then behave in a bannable manner while under the impression that this will do anything more to hurt the New Order than to just get him banned.

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  14. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile. Welcome to Lynch though :)

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  15. Maybe now James will repay me my losses befor i joined the order

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those losses were not had in the name of the New Order

      Delete

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