Sunday, December 9, 2012

The Golden Age of Capt Lynch

For every empire, and for every life, there are ups and downs. Today's post is about the high point of Capt Lynch, the self-styled nemesis of the New Order. For Capt's EVE career, it doesn't get any better than this.

It was early November 2012, and Capt was ejected from his corp. Unable to secure employment, he had no choice but to seek help from the New Order. But he didn't want to pledge loyalty to us, so I eloquently explained why it was his best option:

...That was good enough.

However, Capt was trying to get into a role-playing corp, so his pledge would need to be in-character.

After several minutes, Capt gave up trying to get into the role-playing corp. The pledge was on!

And so it was. Capt Lynch officially declared himself in favor of the New Order. For a brief, glimmering moment, it was a golden age.

Capt had greater ambitions. He wanted to join a corporation. I advised him to become a bumper, but he wouldn't hear of it.

He abruptly ended the conversation.

Capt tried to end the conversation, at least. Capt confessed the untruth of the story about his brother.

Once again, Capt brushed off my advice about becoming a bumper.

Agent Tubrug1 wanted to close the chapter on Capt's lie about the New Order making his brother cry.

The clock was ticking, so we let Capt go.

Out of mercy, I extended the bathroom rule to cover serious medical conditions. Miners may leave keyboard without docking up, if they get the permission of an Agent to go.

If you have no time to ask for permission, all you have to do is pay a small penalty. In spite of all this, I still occasionally have people yammering at me about the "Americans with Disabilities Act".

The Golden Age of Capt Lynch didn't last very long, however. The next day, he was back in a foul mood, as the logs of his private convo with Tubrug1 show:
Capt Lynch > may I talk for a minute? man to man without James getting involved?
Tubrug1 > Yep
Capt Lynch > did you know that James misled me on purpose when I paid the 100 mill to get the agents off ACE's back?
As I described on my blog, I had been exceedingly clear that when Capt paid me 100 million isk, it was to prevent me from attacking his corp. Capt read the blog and didn't much like it.
Capt Lynch > how can I trust that my pledge means jack shit when he pulls that
Capt Lynch > I paid my dues, made the pledge, apologised...and I still got a corp blacklist...I can;t even trust his word thats he;s called them off now...I mean he said he did last time yet here I am in scope exile
He apparently interpreted the 100 million as a fee to prevent all Agents from attacking him or his corp.
Capt Lynch > then again...I broke EVE survival business rule 1: NEVER trust anyone
Capt Lynch > and rule 2
Capt Lynch > which partially applies...
Capt Lynch > and is more of a motto I live by
Capt Lynch > wanna hear it?
Tubrug1 was eager to hear words of wisdom.
Tubrug1 > Aye
Capt Lynch > it goes thus: Never pay ransom...cause you'll get shot anyway
Not a bad motto, actually. (Mining permits are another story, since they are always honored.)
Capt Lynch > as I said on a few blogs...despite anything I said...I do respect James...he came up with a legal high sec version of goonswarm that is technically un-wardeccable...anyone who can manage that knows his stuff
Capt Lynch > but I don;t think I will ever like him
Capt Lynch > too much bad blood over how he;s treated me during the last few weeks, if you understand
I'm not sure how the New Order equals "Goonswarm in Highsec", but I'll take compliments where I can.
Capt Lynch > well? I would value your input
Capt Lynch > well?
Tubrug1 > I am afk
Capt Lynch > there will be no pledge as long as this little griefing campaign continues
Capt dropped the bomb: He was removing the pledge from his bio. The end of an era. Capt was already onto the next grudge:
Capt Lynch > and I read the other incident...labelling him a terrorist...really? as someone who's sister narrowly missed the london attack by a day...I find that offensive
Tubrug1 > What other incident is this?
Capt Lynch >
Tubrug1 > oh
Capt Lynch > when james calls his agents off,,,then I'll pledge...till then...nothing doing
Capt was angry that I referred to a miner as a "terrorist" in this post. In fact, I hadn't called him a terrorist at all--one of the anonymous commenters did. Capt's sister's near-miss with a terrorist attack (odds of that story being true, anyone?), combined with an anonymous comment, ruined all hope of good relations between Capt Lynch and the New Order. A tragic twist of fate.


  1. Medical conditions aside (which are probably lies anyway), he is still a compulsive liar & everything that has happened to him is a result of these lies.

    No one cares about your alledged medical conditions. Stop trying to use them as an excuse, when people that actually have them never use them as an excuse.

    Capt Lynch: Willingly choosing to be a victim, like almost every highsec miner in the game.

  2. I am kinda tired of hearing about this Lynch guy. Unless he genuinely redeems himself or rallies a significant resistance, I would rather he not be mentioned in the blog again. He is old news.

    1. As an anonymous poster, your opinion is invalid. Lynch is an (funny) idiot, and is therefore worthy of being mentioned.

  3. After having spoken to Capt Lynch on several occasions, I can assure you that he is far too stupid to be a troll.

  4. Capt Lynch evenings me of the awesome Metallica track called Fuel.

    He seems to crave attention which is his fuel so he can stay in the public eye and use the fire to keep further attention on him.

    Tenuous link possibly however it's a metallica track so it's okay.

    Can I use this opportunity to promote the new home of the Eve Industrial Organiser at

  5. So...
    You made his brother cry
    His sister narrowly escaped the terrorist attacks in london a couple years ago
    He's got autism
    He's diabetic and might slip into a coma at any minute
    He was briefly suicidal

    how many lies can on man invent

    1. Give it a month or two, he'll have two kinds of cancer, a glass eye, crystal meth addiction and teenage pregnancy.

  6. Speaking as someone who actually has Asbergers Syndrome, we don't tend to use it as an excuse for asshattery. Although it does make me rather obsessive about Eve. I also support the New Order wholeheartedly. I wub you guys

    1. HMQ has Aspergers, yet he is still able to see the light. Which reminds me of a funny story where HMQ podded Lynch- the kills don't seem to have been uploaded to Eve Kill yet but I'll ask HMQ to so you can all laugh at Lynch.

    2. I always like a good Chuckle Tubrug1, laugh and the world laughs with you. Whine and the world laughs at you or something......

  7. Then I suggest you leave him alone, that dude has some real issues.

  8. Oh look, another Lynch blog. How unique.

  9. Wait a second.... Lynch has a step brother, who's in-game Eve name is not remembered?

    Am I the only one remembering this is how the Lynch saga started; by his step brother getting bumped?

    Yet he hasn't played in [i]years[/i]?


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