Wednesday, January 16, 2013

A Most Honourable Duel


Yesterday I announced the beginning of the New Order's campaign to liberate the northern cluster of Gallente ice fields. This campaign gives us the chance to reunite with our friends in the Tolle area. Aydoteaux, the system next door, was a fertile ground for selling mining permits last time we were here.


Those who already signed up with the New Order greeted us warmly. Those who have yet to hop on board weren't as enthusiastic. Lord Xymox became enraged with Agent Tubrug1. He challenged Tubrug1 to a duel, with the fate of the system to be decided by its outcome.


Xymox was impatient. Yes, POS can stand for multiple things in this game. Many a logistics director has accidentally insulted the unaware.


Agents, on the other hand, are very patient. Tubrug1 gently encouraged Xymox to join the New Order.


It soon became clear that Xymox thought of himself as a hero. He intended to protect the miners of Aydoteaux from the New Order. That's like protecting someone from water when they're dying of thirst.


As the rebel miners investigated everyone in local to determine the identity of our Agents, Xymox offered to destroy any Agent who interferred with mining operations in the system.


Xymox again offered single combat to Turbrug1. Xymox was flying a tech III cruiser, while Tubrug1 would bring his trusty battle Badger. Since taking from a can makes you attackable by everyone, rather than just the corp you stole from, Xymox and Tubrug1 would join a fleet together. That way, Concord would not interfere.


Xymox's Loki began hammering away at the Badger's shields. On the one hand, Xymox had a tech III ship with an impressive array of weapons--against Tubrug1's tech I hauler. On the other hand, Tubrug1 is an Agent of the New Order, and Invincible. Oh yeah, and being in the same fleet as someone doesn't mean Concord won't interfere if you shoot them.


In other words, Lord Xymox inadvertently attempted a suicide gank. Concord arrived, sending more than 400 million isk down the drain.


The Badger held its ground, and the New Order emerged victorious once more.


CCP made can thieves attackable by everyone in order to discourage can-flipping, and to make highsec safer. In doing so, they removed the one mechanic available to arrange impromptu duels in highsec. The resulting confusion spelled disaster for Xymox, who was desperate for a duel and assumed there was another way.


Xymox finally realized that CCP had, in fact, removed dueling from highsec. He went back to the Miner Bingo card and asked Tubrug1 to "meet me in lowsec". But there's no time for that--not while highsec needs saving!

28 comments:

  1. Now that's funny!

    - Guybertini

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  2. All this proves is that the Badger is OP and needs nerfed.

    Oh, and also that if Lord Xymox is roleplaying an imbecile, he is a stupendously good actor.

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    Replies
    1. Lord Xymox is a stupendously good actor.

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    2. IMO Lord Xymox it's natural in the the role of imbecile.

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  3. LOL I'm laughing so hard at the moment it's ridiculous. It's like a scene from a comedy movie,as if that just happened.LOLOLOLOL

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  4. You cant make this shit up....haha

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    Replies
    1. I saw Wescro last night, warping off to a gate somewhere in the The Forge or The Citadel in a Catalyst. I smiled as I envisioned the cleansing by Holy Antimatter that was soon to be delivered to another anguished soul.

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  5. i have to admit, that is genius

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  6. Hahahahah!

    Brother Tubrug1 for Cool Agent of the Week!

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  7. I think we need to replace our Cats with Badgers now if they can survive an attack like that.

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  8. Lmao another classic.

    I was one of the people who silently shed a tear when can-flipping was murdered, and rolled my eyes at the introduction of the safety button. How could I have forgotten?!? Stupid always finds a way! :D

    -Galaxy Pig

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  9. Came expecting to read about a rebel losing a shiny ship to concord. Was not dissapointed. Seriously though, it pops up a warning EVERY SINGLE TIME you get a fleet invite reminding you that inter-fleet fighting is not concord sanctioned. Add to that the fact that he must've had his safety set red when not planning on getting concorded, and you have some idea the type of people the New Order is up against. A red safety does not a l33t PVPer make.

    Props on successful application of battlebadger by the way. I might've been worried that I would've been unable to get the lock and shot off before concord though.

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    1. Actually the hilarious part omitted from the blog was that his safety was not set red. When he could not attack Tubrug helpfully suggested "turn off safety?". So not only did he not read the fleet warning popup but he then subsequently ignored all other game mechanics and notifications designed to keep him safe.

      Really this should be proof-positive to CCP that no matter how safe they try to make hisec people will still manage to get blown up.

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  10. Another proof for:
    the amount of rude speech is direct proportional to the amount of imbecility

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    Replies
    1. What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Caldari Navy, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Serpentis, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in electronic warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire Caldari Navy Rokhfleet. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in New Eden, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me in local? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the Forge and your ship is being located right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, thanks to jumpclones, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my noobship. Not only am I extensively trained in battlebadger combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the Caldari Navy, and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” gank was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

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    2. HAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

      classic tears baby :D

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    3. Anonymous, January 17, 2013 at 9:26 AM: WTF is this, I don't even...

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  11. I will never understand why some people will continue to hate the New Order and its work. I mean, Redemption AND hilarity, in one Code-compliant package? What's not to love?

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  12. How does one defeat an Invincible Badger?

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    Replies
    1. Snakes, I think.

      Unless it's a Honey Badger. He doesn't care.

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  13. This is great LOL
    made my day man thanks hahahaha

    Bet that Lord Stupid is going to remember this for a long time :D

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  14. Tubrug1 and his battlebadger, straight to the New Order Agents Hall of Fame.

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  15. Rofl think im goin g to have to join the order

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  16. If only he had remained calm instead of spewing foul language.
    If only he had been aware of game mechanics.
    If only he had been afk mining. Because then he would have had time to read the patch notes.

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    Replies
    1. I lost a Tengu to a Thrasher once (in my defence it was being flown by a well known PvPr) I was mortified, but after reading this I dont feel so bad ; )

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  17. Lord Xymox's corp name "Fuctifino" suddenly became very appropriate after failing at game mechanics.

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  18. I love the irony. The change intended to benefit carebears ended up costing one over 400 mil.

    Such delicious tears.

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