Tuesday, September 16, 2014

The Siege of Stegette

New Order Agents are the most ambitious players in EVE. They aren't interested in accumulating a bunch of isk while AFK; they intend to make their mark on the game. And they're succeeding beyond anyone's wildest expectations.


Agent Helena Tiberius Mabata chose to carve out a slice of highsec in one of the "islands", areas surrounded by lowsec. One might expect the miners there to be a bit less bot-aspirant, since they have jumped out of highsec at least one time in their careers. However, in many cases the miners arrive in the islands by accident. Sometimes they're trapped. In any event, highsec miners in the islands are usually ill-tempered.
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Doger Ronuken you were found to be in violation of the law of highsec and have such had your retriever decomissioned
Doger Ronuken > what
Doger Ronuken > this isnt hi sec
Helena Tiberius Mabata > thi is 0.5 which is high sec
Helena Tiberius Mabata > and as such is subject to the New halamia code of conduct
Doger Ronuken > and who came up with that
Helena Tiberius Mabata > your savior and mine, james 315
The first miner to die was totally ignorant of the joyous reforms being enacted elsewhere in highsec. Helena shared the good news.
Doger Ronuken > i dont have a bot fleet
Helena Tiberius Mabata > This is correct, but you are mining in high sec, our soverign territory, your flying anti-tanked ships, and found to be mining in excess
Doger Ronuken > 4 or lower is
Doger Ronuken > hi seck
Helena Tiberius Mabata > So you think were in low sec?
Doger Ronuken > no medem
Helena Tiberius Mabata > so you think were in medium sec?
Doger Ronuken > yup
The miner was very confused. Helena had no choice but to educate him. How can you explain the New Order of Highsec to someone who doesn't understand what highsec is?
Helena Tiberius Mabata > i'm afraid i have never heard of this illustrious medium sec, but all the same if its not low sec or null sec it is the territory of the New Order
Helena Tiberius Mabata > and as such subject to its laws
Doger Ronuken > so it is black mall
Doger Ronuken > can thear be king of all hi sec
Anti-Order memes are like pollution. No matter how remote the location, you can always find traces of the filth. Doger accused an Agent of "black mall". Outrageous.
Doger Ronuken > of all hi sec is a lote of taritory to cover
Helena Tiberius Mabata > indeed it is, this is a difficult and often thankless job
Helena Tiberius Mabata > but the knights of the new order stand ready to meet any challenge
Helena Tiberius Mabata > agents come from everywhere, and anywhere
REDWING BLACKBIRD > cheap ships used as fodder in ganks all to familiar anywhere
REDWING BLACKBIRD > another goon swarm type startup then ...lol
REDWING BLACKBIRD > not tough enough to service low sec yet
Helena Tiberius Mabata > bingo +1
If you've ever doubted whether the New Order can leave a lasting impression on EVE, consider this: Years after the Gallente ice interdiction and Hulkageddon Infinity, miners are still complaining about the Goons. The New Order shall last forever, but even if it didn't, the miners would talk about it forever.
REDWING BLACKBIRD > you remind me of the spammers in dodixie industrialist and scammers
Doger Ronuken > i would hunt you down but i jute dont hav the time right now
Doger Ronuken > i was in the midle of studying math
Helena Tiberius Mabata > So you pay to play a game, yet rather than play it you study math?
REDWING BLACKBIRD > mining is tedious he is mining and studying ...duh
Doger Ronuken > i was mineing ore wile i was doing my home work
Doger Ronuken > so is calc 2
Without prompting, Doger revealed his mixed-up priorities. He was doing calculus homework instead of mining at his keyboard. Parents, please tell your children that they can enjoy some homework after they've finished their video games.
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Valentun Pykalo you were violating the law of highsec as laid forth by James 315, as such you criminal barge has been forcibly decomissioned. Please remember a permit before commiting further deeds of bot aspirancy in our soverign territories
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Francheska Cloverly you too were found to be in violation of the CODE. no one is above the law of highsec
Francheska Cloverly > oh hush i wasnt botting i even moved off so ur venture buddy could get the jaspet u my friend are an ass
Helena Tiberius Mabata > and as such you were decomissioned
Francheska Cloverly > like i said ASS go to low sec with your crap
Helena returned to Stegette the next day. The improvement of the system was taking place slowly. Progress is not always perceptible to the untrained eye. Keep the faith.
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Rand en Chasteaux for your bot aspirant deeds your special edition frigate was decomissioned
Ananiell > fuck off
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Wohoo my first bingo square of the day
Ananiell > This is our system, and we're drip
Helena Tiberius Mabata > im afraid highsec belongs to James 315 and the New Order, not this so called drip
Ananiell > Our system is ... here we dig .. clear to you?
Helena Tiberius Mabata > you dig?
Isolated communities are known to develop their own dialects. Helena could barely understand them, which made her worry the miners might not be able to understand her. So she spoke in the universal language of EVE: violence.
Helena Tiberius Mabata > Cala Wrynnn your imicus was forcibly decomissioned for failing to be in compliance with the new halamia CODE of Conduct and the laws of Highsec
Helena Tiberius Mabata > please remember a permit before sitting AFK outside of stations again
Caius Sivaris > tell me about your tournament run Helena
Helena Tiberius Mabata > we won the tourny by defeating 2 teams before they even recieved their ships, and made history during the aftermath. Were like rockstars
Helena Tiberius Mabata > with nuetron blasters
Caius Sivaris > rpfags are so annoying
News of CODEdot's big tournament win has gotten around. Carebears are very upset that the New Order didn't disappear afterward. Maybe they assumed we would want to retire on top. Not quite. The New Order's plan is to remain on the top of EVE, permanently. So far, so good.
shadowg0d > lol u tried to tank me while im afk
Helena Tiberius Mabata > that was a warning shot
shadowg0d > k dumbass bring it
shadowg0d > fa da police
shadowg0d > aint need no permit bitch
Helena Tiberius Mabata > You are merely misguided, no carebear slips so deep they cannot be saved
shadowg0d > carebear my ass hooker ima hauler
shadowg0d > i float where im needed
Helena Tiberius Mabata > the wall of lies a carebear surrounds themselves with is reinforced with misguided emotions, and thicker than the armor plates that protect agents from harm
shadowg0d > well i am mexican so.........
Helena was very satisfied with what she was able to accomplish in a short time, but there's always more work to be done.


Our Agent reviewed her killmails and solemnly reflected upon the fact that without her intervention, those players never would have experienced any real EVE gameplay. They might've learned more calculus, though.


One gank recipient put a 50 million isk bounty on Helena instead of buying a 10 million isk permit. On second thought, before these carebears start learning calculus, maybe they should master arithmetic?

56 comments:

  1. Weee.....another lame post about blowing up some cheap mining ships. Blog is really getting pathetic. Can we get James315 to come back and write it again? Or is he also permabanned like DJ & company?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Everyone is permabanned, even CCP devs/GMs. The party is over for EVE, and it's moved here.

      Delete
    2. lol veers you should really just suck shit dude. I dont even like code and I see you crying in antiganking and all over the place yet you are too scared to go and fight the big bad meanies of high sec.

      Delete
    3. Well idiot, I'm fighting on the forums and getting the griefers permabanned. What's better - stopping a single gank for 15 minutes or helping get a scumbag like DJ tossed from the game?

      Delete
    4. "What's better - stopping a single gank for 15 minutes or helping get a scumbag like DJ tossed from the game?"

      Either one is beyond your capabilities; you'd better continue as you have been, spamposting and taking credit for things you played no actual part in.

      Delete
    5. Yesterday Veers' was begging for any information on what happened. Today in the Eternal Carebear's narcissistic fantasy life he is responsible for getting DJ banned.

      There hasn't been this much love on this blog since the last time Veers posted about himself posting on...whatever.

      ~Borgia

      Delete
    6. The usual idiots. My forum posts paved the way for these actions by CCP. I stood up for the real heroes of Eve - the incursion runners, the mission runners, the ratters - the good guys. CCP finally cracked down on the griefer scum and sent them packing. It's time to abandon your troll Code, disband CODE, and start acting like decent people again.

      Delete
    7. The usual lies. Pavement is made of asphalt, not feces. At least you enjoyed the shit rubdown, though.

      Delete
    8. "I stood up for the real heroes of Eve - the incursion runners, the mission runners, the ratters - the good guys."

      ...can't tell if real Veers' Tears, or a gifted homage. On the one hand, I want to say no one can be this incredibly carebeary, or take a game so seriously that he considers pve "good guys" and pvp "bad guys" by default. On the other hand, it's Veers. God, I really can't tell for sure either way.

      Delete
    9. Doing the right thing and standing on principle =/= tears. In fact it would be good if the CODEtards would realize that 99% of communication in Eve does not consist of tears.

      Delete
    10. And what principle does pve represent, ambiguous-Veers? What moral value do you create by shooting red crosses? What makes those who do exclusively that, "the good guys"?

      Delete
    11. They work together to achieve common objectives without hurting other people. They follow the laws of highsec, and avoid committing criminal offenses. They try and make other human players happy, instead of hurting of them. And they create wealth instead of destroying it. In essence, they are the polar opposite of yourself, D400, DJ, Jerry Rin, and Erotica1. They are the good guys of Eve, you are the sociopathic villains.

      Delete
    12. I don't like CODE much in game, but all you guys happy people getting banned, that's too much. no one should be happy anyone is banned,

      Delete
    13. "Mmm my farts smell good"
      Veers' one line of dialogue
      Endlessly rephrased

      Delete
    14. I believe I saw a tag line for one of EVE's expansions... "Be The Villain".

      There are no good guys or bad guys... there are just people playing a game, and playing a role within that game. If you think it goes beyond that then you are seriously messed up.
      YES, I grant you there have been a few people that have crossed the line, but you would have us throw the baby out along with the bath water.

      Do you play CoD? Halo? Ever been teabaged in a game? Do you run crying to the game publisher, whinning and bitching that [insert player name here] continued to shoot you in the head then teabag you in matches? If so I would suggest you get a life and do something different.

      HTFU and quit being a bitch. EVE is a spaceship combat game. Not a MINING game, NOT an INDUSTRY game, even though those elements are found in it. When you undock, and this has been said by CCP on many occasions, you take the risk of PVP.
      I think they even have a catchy song...
      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VgvM7av1o1Q

      Delete
    15. Dear Mr Veldspar,

      Do you lawyer coworkers give you wedgies on a regular basis in the boardroom? If you act at work the way you do here, i would not be at all surprised if they did.

      The Code, constantly winning despite carebear whining. \o/

      Delete
  2. Well done agent Helena Tiberius Mabata. \o/

    Plus this: "Parents, please tell your children that they can enjoy some homework after they've finished their video games." - pure gold !!

    The Code, winning on an unchallenged basis. !!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Wow actually school should be considered the more important thing here, and if you think that quote is comedic gold you should probably retire from laughing.

      Delete
    2. "Wow actually school should be considered the more important thing here"

      That's the point. It sailed way over your head.

      "you should probably retire from laughing."

      Clearly, you already have.

      Delete
    3. Dear Anon @ 8.56. Ever hear of the concept of satire? Probably not as it's a subset of humor, something you do not seem acquainted with.

      Delete
  3. The conquest goes on!
    With antimatter rounds
    we'll win hearts and minds

    ReplyDelete
  4. Yeah! Let the chestbeating circlejerk begin!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. More in sorrow than in angerSeptember 16, 2014 at 8:47 PM

      If you're beating your chest during a circlejerk, you're either doing it wrong, or you're very well endowed.

      Delete
    2. I've got two hands! Don't tell me how to live my life!

      Delete
    3. More in sorrow than in angerSeptember 16, 2014 at 11:31 PM

      We have our answer: Doing it wrong.

      Delete
  5. Absolutely hilarious:
    "Isolated communities are known to develop their own dialects. Helena could barely understand them..."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How did these guys graduate high school? It boggles the mind.

      Delete
    2. Maybe English is not their first languages, don't be so ignorant

      Delete
    3. Of course. Silly me. I forgot that not being a fluent speaker exempts you from taking pride in your writing and bars access to things like spellcheckers. How *could* I be so ignorant?

      Delete
    4. Dear 290x,

      Stop bieng such an ignorant piece of trash, Not everybody Speaks or writes english al the time such their Spellcheck software in their browsers are not set to your personal standards.

      Grow up u simple minded fool

      Delete
    5. Dearest Anon, I hope this comment finds you well.

      My responses are as follows:

      *being

      If they cared about how they presented themselves, they would spellcheck.

      u r teh fool.

      Delete
  6. who are you people ? i was told this site was amusing !!! amusing how ? and wtf is the code ???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Code is something that you print out and use as toilet paper. Then you mail the used paper to James 315 so he can decorate his walls with it.

      Delete
    2. the code is the number 1 way for tear generation from butthurt miners/carebears/haulers all of the above.

      Delete
    3. US: Constitution
      Britain: the Magna Carta
      Highsec has the Code

      Delete
  7. This is really cool watching a sociopath post under multiple accounts, thanks for the case study for my class

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. CALDARI CITIZEN 14330909September 17, 2014 at 12:38 AM

      I don't think you understand how data collection for a case study works for it to be a valid and useful field set.

      However I will agree that watching the AG posters flock to this and post (mostly as anon) is amusing. Oh and Veers... or that other Veers... or this Veers.

      Delete
  8. Correnzo. The ultimate carebear of high sec! All hail the savior of our high sec from goonswarm's CODE.!!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. People are playing in ways which differ from how I'd play? Why, how dare they? Clearly, they're doing it wrong. If they behaved differently (ie: how I would behave if I were them and playing the game instead of crusading on forums), different things would have happened, and that would have been best.

    For shame, griefers. When will you learn that the only way to play correctly is to play like I do??

    ReplyDelete
  10. I start every morning with a cup of coffee and a fresh MinerBumping post. Have been doing it since February. No regrets.

    ReplyDelete
  11. i read it every day for shits an giggles, but to be said the writhing Quality is gone down allot!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "i[sic] read it every day for shits an giggles, but [it has] to be said the writhing[sic] Quality[sic] is[sic] gone down allot[sic]!"

      Can't tell if trolling or serious...

      Delete
  12. Ravioli ravioli give me the formuoli

    ReplyDelete
  13. CODE. performed their infamous AT manuoeuvre yesterday in Uedama.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Total victory? We didn't just do that at the AT, we do that literally every day!

      Delete
  14. Another high sec pocket called Niballe should be on your radar. There are 3 ice belts in the system that keep spawing as soon as one is depleted hence lots of targets.

    Todays scan shows :-

    14 rets
    4 hulks
    6 covertors
    6 skiffs
    8 macks
    4 proc's

    ReplyDelete
  15. New Order lost again!

    1st time at AT.

    Now i read the CCP blog and discovered that more ships & isk are destroyyed by NPC burner misson (only since Hyerion release).

    Citate: All in all, 19962 player ships had been destroyed by Burners as of September 14th, worth a total of 870 billion ISK.

    http://community.eveonline.com/news/dev-blogs/some-npcs-just-want-to-watch-the-world-burn/

    NPC are better than New Order

    please start laugh.................

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Those missions look like they could be fun & relaxing. How does one find these burner missions? (serious question) & what's the consensus best ship/fit? (also a serious question).

      Cheers

      Delete
    2. Interested anon,

      I have been using the fittings and tactics demonstrated in this guy's videos to great effect farming burners in nullsec. Any lvl 4 agent can provide them, but I recommend you consider a nullsec pirate faction for the best return on your LP.

      The high-payout burners where I'm running pay out 120m for about 5 minutes of work and are quite farmable if you pull with multiple characters.

      Delete
    3. Dear Mr 290x - thanks very much for the info. Fly safe.

      Delete
  16. Everyone War Dec Correnzo's corporation! hear him scream and kick and cry!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good to hear from the leader. I was wondering if you play Space Engineers on your spare time. Lemme know if you need help.

    ReplyDelete

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