Tuesday, September 25, 2012

The Red Pen Diaries, Part 1

As every Code-fearing miner in highsec knows, one of the greatest crimes a miner can commit is the crime of filing a petition against Agents of the New Order. It is the ultimate act of treachery and cowardice. If it were merely an attack against me, or even my Agents, I would take it without complaint. But what really offends me is that these frivolous petitions waste the time of the hardworking professionals who serve as GMs. As someone who holds the GMs in the highest regard, I am mortified to see miners show them such disrespect. If that weren't bad enough, the rebels' frivolous petitions make it more difficult for GMs to answer legitimate petitions. Enemies of the New Order, why do you hate EVE so much?

The severity of the crime merits a severe punishment, and that's where the Red Pen list comes in. Miners who commit serious crimes like filing petitions are set to negative standings and have their mining fees trebled to 30 million isk. Yet even members of the Red Pen list are not beyond salvation. Recall, for example, the time swarthy Agent Steve the Pirate made an honest woman of petitioner Ba'Ba:

Just like "The Taming of the Shrew"! And every so often my little birds are able to intercept details of how the GMs respond to all these petitions:

Today I would like to focus a bit more on one particular member of the Red Pen list. Perhaps if we know more about them, it will humanize them and help remind us of our duty to convert them to the cause.

Highsec miner Peter XZ was chewing on an ice asteroid in Kamio while I was bumping one day. He objected to the Code, because he thought I was ad-libbing it or something.

Peter wasted no time in confessing his guilt. He had petitioned my Agents, and he claimed to have gotten results.

I challenged him to name names, and he identified Zak Fey, who is indeed an Agent of the New Order.

Honestly, it doesn't seem to me like the petitions did much to discourage Zak.

Peter then copy-pasted the response he had gotten from the GM, which doesn't exactly scream "I'm going to end the New Order!" Peter fell into the classic trap of believing if they just send in a few more petitions, the bumping will be put to an end.

I always give the miners a way out. It's astonishing how often they slap away the hand of friendship.

A rare glitch in local pictured above. After I finished staring at the weird blue text, I proceeded to carry out my solemn duty.

With all options exhausted, I had no choice but to uncap the Red Pen. Some miners claim I'm a sadistic monster who enjoys this, but they couldn't be more wrong. It's the worst part of my job.

And so began the bumping, which always reveals a man's true nature. To be continued...


  1. To extend the Hand of Friendship, Fellowship and Salvation, only to have it slapped away. You truly are a Savior and a Saint James 315. Your patience surely knows no limits...

    I shall savor the day these unwashed wretches embrace The Code, walk forth from the darkness of their AFK miner vileness ( well the AFK part of their vileness anyway... ) and walk boldly and proudly in the light of your leadership!

  2. He must have really missed me. I haven't been able to bump many miners because of RL issues, but I will return mimers of Aakari.

    1. Congratulations are in order--you became the subject of your own "he's been banned" rumors!


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