Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Dimmest Stars in the Galaxy, Part 1

People often ask me, "James 315, how do I know when it's time to change corporations?" Well, it's probably time to seek new employment when your corp description reads like this:

No, that's not a joke. It's the actual corp description of To The Stars. As a general rule, when your corp's identity is defined by a bucketload of tears about me (and my associates), the corp may be in trouble.

Before I had even encountered these individuals, they were already declaring war against me. In a few minutes, I won the war with my customary 31.25:1 kill to death ratio. Experimental Fun Times Corp has now inflicted a total of 350 million isk of damage against its enemies. Without breaking a sweat!

Jyfaala Tragu is To The Stars' CEO. She's still in the earlier stages of rebel evolution, so she speaks primarily in clichés.

It didn't take long for me to notice that Jyfaala thinks of everything in terms of school. I wonder what that means?

Scum Killer, another ace pilot in the corp, is also struggling to get past the cliché phase.

Jyfaala is extremely angry about something, but I'm not sure what. I don't think I've heard anything positive from her yet.

Another sign of To The Stars' rookie status: The belief that everyone is my alt.

Jyfaala's anger seems to be focused on the Code. This is a classic litmus test. If someone is against the Code, they are a bad person. If someone approves of the Code, they are a good person.

Again with the school references. In Jyfaala's mind, the lowest thing imaginable is a school teacher. Did someone flunk a test recently?

Aside from revolutionary codes of conduct and school teachers, Jyfaala's great hate is the Goons. If so, why isn't To The Stars in nullsec, where they can fight Goons?

I have the utmost respect for CCP, but I don't think I would classify them as a higher power.

The only part of her rant I might go along with is "dreamer". True, some people say I'm a dreamer--but I'm not the only one. Of course, all men dream, but unequally. Those that dream at night in the dusty recesses of their minds awake the next day to find that their dreams were just vanity. But those who dream during the day with their eyes wide open are dangerous men; they act out their dreams to make them reality.

As time went on, To The Stars became more fixated on conspiracy theories.

Smoke Break, another great talent, became convinced that I am none other than The Mittani himself!

The Code has the power to lift high the innocent, and to confound the guilty. In their efforts to comprehend it, To The Stars twisted itself into knots. Rather than taking a bold stand against botters and bot-aspirants, the Code is actually about Goon alts trying to feed money into a nullsec botting RMT network so The Mittani can fund his next CSM campaign. No wonder they're so mad at me!


  1. Jyfaala Tragu > it would not surprise me if many where his alts. that would then indicate a kind of psycosis which is not uncommon in bullies.
    Jyfaala Tragu > it would be quite serious but can be controlled with the right meds
    Smoke Break > He is a pussy with some mental health issues.

    It seems rebels have begun moving away from the tradition of space lawyering, in favor of space psychiatry and space psychology. I am eager to see what medications she will be prescribing.

    1. Lol @ Mancs hate them in the bio, I smell a Scouser in Jyfaala Tragu

  2. The silly alt-nonsense always reminds me of Spartacus...

    I AM JAMES 315!

    -Galaxy Pig

  3. Jyfaala Tragu, babby's first psychology course.

  4. They all seem to overlook that 0.0 Sovereignty mechanics are merely CCPs bookkeeping to acknowledge the groups that have passed the true test of Sovereignty: A combination of military might and diplomacy sufficient to exert their will on the systems they claim.

    A test the New Order has also passed.

  5. For a corporation that speaks so highly of itself, they aren't doing a very good job.

  6. I going to buy a David Ike book today and see if James 315 is mentioned there, because it seems to be he is the centre of all conspiracies. ALL HAIL THE LIZARD KING JAMES 315

  7. One would think if James 315 and the Agents of the New Order were somehow mere bullies and irrelevant, absolutely no one would be talking about them and their actions.

    I love the paragraph about those who dream with eyes wide open.

    Congratulations on another fine victory.

    1. James does what all great leaders do - attribute the best quotes of others to themselves with a bit of "flavour" for context :)

      Well done James.

      * slow clap *

  8. Gawd, I love the screaming...:)

  9. I think we should really be asking where on the doll the bad Goon touched them.

    Kinda makes me want to join Experimental Fun Times Corp just for the free kills. Not that I'm worthy to even stand in our saviours shadow.

    1. Except that joining .FUNT will decrease James' all important K:D ratio.

      I do disagree with one thing tho James - Anyone who engages with the Code, even negatively, have shown to be not a bot - they can be cured of their bot aspirations. This is where you must demonstrate your forgiving nature and try to reason with these misguided souls.

      I hope to see more updates on this subject, demonstrating again, like you have with others, how everyone must accept the Code eventually.

  10. the Mittani would be enraged by the accusation that he bothers to log in and actually fly around bumping miners. He is above such plebian affairs.

  11. Mittens lives in your heart.

    1. Mittens is the Chairman of our heart!

      Awww now I miss living in Deklein/Fountain

  12. I hope some day they'll join us
    And the wooooorld will live as one

  13. I approve of all T.E. Lawrence and John Lennon references.


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